


If Brokenness is a Form of Art

by Illiad_And_Oddity



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Koujaku is a big old mess of issues, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Sexual Tension, Unhealthy Relationships, and so is Aoba
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:24:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7579336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illiad_And_Oddity/pseuds/Illiad_And_Oddity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was only one place Koujaku had ever really considered home, and it was the only place he thought of going when he lost everything.  </p>
<p>Koujaku tries (and usually fails) to keep a rebellious teenaged Aoba out of trouble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>Formerly titled (You Can't) Go Home Again</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been working on this AU on and off for over a year now, after my friend Queztalpapalotl and I first came up with the idea, and finally decided to go ahead and post the first chapter at her encouragement. This is going to be long, covering Aoba's years as a teenage punk all the way up through the plot of the game, but it might get broken up into multiple fics in a series. Not sure yet.

The house looked exactly the same. Koujaku had to lean on the wall to steady himself at seeing it again, trying to ignore the insistent voice in his head that told him he had no right to be here. The house was the same, right down to that crack in the flagstones that looked like a feather, but _he_ was different.

Different. The last time he'd been here, he was a boy. He took a deep breath. He had come this far, he wouldn't back out now.

He pushed away from the wall and pressed the doorbell. He wondered if it might be Aoba who answered the door. Koujaku didn't know if he hoped for that or not. Nervously, he straightened his hair over his face, hiding his tattoo. He had no way to hide the scab across his nose, unfortunately. It would almost certainly scar.

The door opened after a moment, and there was Tae. She looked the same, too, a little shorter and perhaps a few more wrinkles, but basically the same. He smiled at her.

“You're -” she started in shock.

“It's good to see you again,” he said with a smile. He adjusted his bag on his back – all of his worldly possessions at the moment didn't weigh very much, “I've just gotten back to the island.”

“Well,” Tae said, composing herself. She opened the door wider and stepped out of the way, “Come in, Koujaku. You've gotten so tall since I saw you last.”

“Thanks,” Koujaku said, looking around, “Wow, this place hasn't changed a bit.” Other than some different knickknacks on the shelves and a few more pictures up on the wall, the entryway looked just the same.

“Would you care for something to eat?” Tae asked, heading towards the kitchen.

“Oh, yes please,” Koujaku said, taking off his shoes, “It was a long trip.”

“Well, come into the kitchen and I'll fix you something. When did you arrive?” she asked, “And how long are you staying?”

“I got here a few hours ago,” Koujaku said, taking a seat at the old, familiar kitchen table. There was a deep scratch on it that he thought was new, but he couldn't tell. He remembered a lot of details about this place, but not all of them. “And, well... hopefully I'm here to stay. I'm going to look at apartments tomorrow.”

Tae looked at him with surprise, but she covered it quickly, “On your own?”

“Yeah,” Koujaku said, and didn't elaborate.

“Well, it's less expensive to get a place here now that Platinum Jail has gone up,” Tae said, opening the fridge and pulling out some ingredients, “But it's hard for people to find jobs in the old district. I hope you can afford it.”

“Don't worry, I have some savings. I have enough to live on even if it takes me a long time to find a job.”

“I see,” Tae replied, her tone giving nothing away.

Koujaku felt the silence drag on for a little too long before he asked, “So where's Aoba? Is he out?”

Tae grimaced. “Yes,” she said, “But I never know where he is these days.”

Koujaku couldn't keep a noise of surprise from escaping. Tae sighed heavily.

“He's in a very... rebellious phase, lately. It's been hard, nothing I do seems to get through to him. He's a teenager, he's convinced that everything I do is for the specific purpose of being mean to him,” she sighed again, “I know that teenagers have been like that since the dawn of time, but it doesn't make him any less frustrating.”

“I see,” Koujaku said. He found it hard to imagine Aoba behaving like that, remembering what he'd been like as a kid. Then again, Koujaku had no idea how to imagine Aoba as a teenager, either. He'd been picturing a child in his mind the whole time, even though he knew Aoba was older now.

“Well, I'm looking forward to seeing him again either way,” Koujaku said with a smile.

“I hope you can be a good influence on him,” Tae said, “He always looked up to you.”

Koujaku laughed, “I'll do my best, Tae-san!”

“I can usually be sure of him coming home for dinner,” Tae said, beginning to chop the vegetables, “He should be back in an hour or so. So, what sort of job are you thinking of? The couple at the corner store was looking for new employees, I could give you a recommendation.”

“Oh!” Koujaku straightened up, genuinely pleased by the offer of help, “That would be very kind of you. I was thinking about cutting hair, but I won't turn down anything with a steady paycheck. I mean, just because I _can_ live off my savings for the time being doesn't mean it's a good idea.”

“Sensible,” Tae said with an approving nod, “I've been trying to get Aoba to understand that concept.”

“Well, he's only sixteen,” Koujaku said in a conciliatory way, “Any job he gets now would be mostly to have extra spending money, not to support himself with.”

“I just wish he'd try to look for one,” Tae grumbled, “He'd get into less trouble that way.”

She shook her head, “Ah, I'm sorry. I haven't seen you in such a long time, and all I'm doing is complaining about my idiot grandson. How have _you_ been?”

Koujaku would have much rather continued to listen to Tae complain about Aoba's teenage rebellion than talk about anything to do with his life in the past seven years, but he knew he'd have to give some kind of explanation, or Tae would only have more questions.

“I... not at my best, to be honest,” he admitted, “I've had a – a falling out with my family. I'm no longer welcome in my father's house.”

Strictly speaking, it wasn't a lie, but it was hardly truthful, either. He felt incredibly guilty for deceiving Tae like this, but what could he say? 'A month ago I literally turned into a rage-fueled monster and killed a dozen people, including my mother.' The guilt hit him all over again, like a punch in the stomach. He had no right to be here at all, tainting this house with presence.

He gritted his teeth and continued, “My mother died a month ago. There's no one else I would have stayed there for, anyway.”

“Oh,” Tae said softly. She came over and put her hand on Koujaku's shoulder, a gentle touch that Koujaku almost wanted to shake off. He didn't deserve Tae's sympathy and he knew it.

“I'm very sorry to hear that. Your mother was a wonderful woman.”

Koujaku could feel hot tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. “She was.”

Tae patted his shoulder gently and returned to cooking, “So, you're looking for apartments tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Koujaku agreed, glad to return to a more neutral topic. “I've been talking with a man who has some apartments for rent, I'm meeting him to see the available ones tomorrow. From the pictures, at least, they look nice. Small, but I couldn't afford a big place anyway, and they have a traditional construction that I like.”

“That sounds nice,” Tae said, “Do you have a place to stay tonight?”

“Oh, I...” Koujaku flushed, “I was sort of hoping that I could impose on you. I know it's terribly rude of me, and I would have asked ahead of time if I'd had your phone number or mail, but...”

Tae snorted, “Well, you haven't changed a bit. Of course you can stay tonight. You can take Haruka's room.”

It took Koujaku a few seconds to remember who Haruka was, then it clicked. “Oh, are Aoba's parents traveling again?”

'Traveling _still_ ' might have been the more accurate way to put it. They'd been gone the entire time Koujaku and his mother had been on the island, and according to Aoba even before that they'd been gone far more often than they'd been home. Aoba had always talked about how much he missed them. Koujaku frowned. He hadn't really thought about it when he was a kid, but looking back on it now, wasn't it really messed up for them to just leave their son behind with his grandmother all the time? Koujaku wondered if they'd ever come back after he'd left.

They must have. It had been seven years, after all. No one would stay away from their family for that long.

“Yes. And with how difficult Toue's made it for anyone in the old district to get off the island, I don't expect them to be coming home any time soon. They hate to be tied down.”

“Mm. I see,” Koujaku said. He hadn't had much trouble _getting_ to Midorijima, though it had been hard to get to the old district instead of Platinum Jail. Still, it was good that he had no desire to leave again any time in the foreseeable future.

He and Tae continued their small talk for another half hour as Tae cooked. Tae caught him up on the news about some of the people he remembered, complained about Aoba's behavior some more, and Koujaku managed to keep the conversation away from painful topics.

Tae stopped talking abruptly in mid-sentence when they heard the front door opening. She turned on her heel and headed for the hall, leaving Koujaku a little bit confused and a little bit concerned.

“Aoba, where have you been?!” Tae demanded.

“Out,” came the short reply. The voice sounded nothing like Koujaku remembered. But that wasn't a surprise, Aoba was sixteen by now. His voice would naturally sound different.

“Where?” she asked, “You left in the middle of the night last night! Where did you go?!”

Koujaku blinked. Tae hadn't mentioned that. That was pretty reckless of Aoba. Midorijima's streets had never been safe at night, and the town seemed rougher now.

“Why do you care? You're mad at me no matter where I go.”

“You -” Tae stopped, “Never mind. Go clean up, we have a guest for dinner!”

“If you care about how I look so much, then I'll eat in my damn room!” Aoba snapped, “I don't care about your guest!”

Koujaku got out of his seat, feeling awkward. Tae wasn't kidding when she said Aoba was in a rebellious phase. He knew he probably shouldn't get involved in a family matter, but he could help Tae out... He stepped into the hall with a grin, “But, Aoba, it's been ages. Don't you want to catch up?”

Aoba's jaw dropped, “You're... Koujaku?!”

Aoba looked so different. Puberty had left its mark on him, he had the kind of stretched appearance of a boy who had grown a lot in a very short period of time and hadn't fully filled out yet. There was still a bit of baby fat in his cheeks, but his face was probably more or less how he would look as an adult. His hair was even longer now, still as bright blue as Koujaku remembered, and his eyes were sharper, looking almost golden as Aoba stared at him in shock.

He was beautiful.

The thought startled Koujaku. Beautiful? That wasn't a word Koujaku normally thought of for men, but it seemed to fit. Aoba had gone from a cute little kid to a beautiful young man. He probably had plenty of girls interested in him.

Koujaku smiled at him, “Nice to see you again, Aoba.”

Aoba shut his mouth and shook his head a bit, “Holy shit. When did you come back?”

Koujaku put on his most charming grin, and made a show of looking at the clock on the wall, “Oh, about... six and a half hours ago. I'm going to go talk to a guy about an apartment tomorrow, but Tae-san was kind enough to let me stay here tonight.”

He gestured to Tae, who looked a little surprised and maybe a little grateful, too. She was probably glad he'd interrupted the argument.

Aoba shot her a glance and rolled his eyes, “Fine, but you can't have my bed.”

Koujaku laughed, “Darn, I guess I'm going to have to buy a futon for my apartment after all. I _was_ just going to steal all of your furniture.”

“You haven't changed a bit, hippo,” Aoba said, sticking his tongue out.

Neither had Aoba, Koujaku thought with a grin, less than a minute and they were back to teasing each other like Koujaku had never been gone. He could feel the painful knot in his chest loosening at Aoba's smile... he was really home.

“I've missed you a lot,” Koujaku said, hoping his emotions weren't showing in his voice. If he started crying, he'd have to explain...

“I missed you too. For like a week,” Aoba added quickly, looking down as he kicked off his shoes and stepped into the hall properly.

Aoba swung his bag off his shoulder and reached into it, taking out a small, sleeping dog. Koujaku blinked in confusion, but recognized what it must be when Aoba tapped it on the forehead and its eyes opened with a mechanical noise. An Allmate, then, not a real dog.

“Aoba,” the dog said, in a shockingly deep voice for its tiny body.

“Ren, I want you meet someone,” he said. He turned the little Allmate towards Koujaku, “This is my friend Koujaku. You know about him, right?”

“Yes,” Ren said, “I know who Koujaku is. It's a pleasure to formally meet you.” His tail wagged.

Koujaku couldn't help but chuckle. The deep voice coming from such a tiny, cute body just seemed kind of ridiculous. Still, it was adorable. “Nice to meet you too, Ren,” he said, patting the Allmate on the head, “I haven't met an Allmate before. They're only starting to get popular on the mainland.”

The Allmate wagged his tail, “Then I will endeavor to make a good first impression.”

“Heh. Don't worry, you already have,” Koujaku said, and dropped his hand. He looked back to Aoba and smiled, “Come on, Tae-san's almost done with dinner.”

Dinner was... tense, to say the very least. Koujaku got the feeling that it had been a long time since Tae and Aoba had last been in the same room without fighting with each other. It seemed like neither of them wanted to fight in front of him, though, so there was at least a semblance of peace. It required him to carry the bulk of the conversation, though, something that would have been easy for him under normal circumstances, and right now was anything but.

Still, he somehow managed to keep the conversation mostly civil and on neutral topics for the entirety of dinner. He showered Tae with compliments for her cooking, which was easy to do since the food was genuinely delicious. Aoba made a few snide comments, but nothing actually boiled over into a genuine argument.

He even managed to get Aoba to help clean up from dinner with minimal complaining, for which Tae looked incredibly grateful.

“This is the most pleasant dinner we've had in weeks,” she murmured under her breath to Koujaku while Aoba washed the dishes.

“Glad I could help,” he replied in the same quiet tone.

“Done,” Aoba said, putting a dish on the drying rack and turning back towards them. “Come up to my room, Koujaku.”

“Oh, okay,” Koujaku said.

Aoba picked Ren up and headed up the stairs, and Koujaku followed him with a smile. This felt familiar. Aoba was still just as eager to hang out as he had been before.

Aoba's room looked different now. Most of the furniture was the same, but there was a low table and a computer on the floor, and the decorations were less like a little kid's room. The toys and games that had been strewn around the room when he was a kid had been replaced with random computer parts and a lot of dirty clothes. Aoba didn't seem to care at all that his room was a mess. He crossed it confidently and sat down on his bed, and gestured to a clear spot on the floor for Koujaku to sit.

Koujaku did so, smiling a little. This was different, but not that different. Not unexpected either. Aoba was sixteen now, it would be weird if he wanted to sit in Koujaku's lap. He'd pretty much grown out of that before Koujaku had even left.

Ren hopped off the bed, trotted over to a little cushion on the floor near where Koujaku was sitting and curled up on it. His eyes closed with a mechanical whirr, and to all appearances he looked like a sleeping dog. Only the lack of breathing gave away that he wasn't a living creature.

“You should get an Allmate,” Aoba said, noticing Koujaku's gaze, “Then you could play Rhyme with me.”

“I'm not sure I can afford one,” Koujaku said, “I shouldn't spend money unnecessarily until I have a job and can support myself.”

“People earn pretty good money betting on Rhyme matches,” Aoba said.

“What's Rhyme anyway?” Koujaku asked, curious. It sounded like some kind of competition. One you needed an Allmate to take part in? How interesting.

“It's a game. It's basically virtual battling with Allmates. I'm really good at it. Undefeated, actually,” he added, in a falsely casual tone that suggested that he wanted Koujaku to be impressed, but was trying not to be too obvious about it.

“Ah, really? That's pretty cool,” Koujaku said, “I'll have to come check it out sometime.”

Aoba beamed at him, apparently pleased at that response. Koujaku smiled to himself as well. It felt good to make Aoba smile again, after he'd spent all of dinner making him annoyed.

"So how old are you now?" Aoba asked, flopping back onto the bed carelessly.

"Nineteen. I'll be twenty in August."

"Damn,” Aoba frowned, “I thought you'd be old enough to buy me beer."

"Aoba!" Koujaku scolded.

Aoba rolled over on his stomach and looked at Koujaku with a pout, “Oh come on! Don't be such a stick in the mud.”

“You're underage,” Koujaku said firmly.

“Like that matters,” Aoba scoffed, “Come on, I'd pay you back for it.”

“That's really not the point, Aoba.”

"I'll blow you if you'll buy me beer."

"No!" Koujaku said, his cheeks going furiously red. Just an hour ago, he never would have been able to imagine Aoba saying such a crass thing, and yet here he was. Sure, Aoba was a teenager now, but when Koujaku had left, Aoba would have had no idea what a blowjob was.

"Ah, you're right," Aoba said with a grin, "Honestly, I'm probably not ever going to do shit for you even if you buy me beer."

"You used to be such a sweet kid," Koujaku said, shaking his head.

"And you used to not be so fucking uptight. I'm not a baby, Koujaku. I drink and I smoke and I get into fights, like everyone else around here. I can take care of myself these days. I don't need you to chase off bullies for me like when I was _seven_."

Koujaku sighed, “No, I suppose not. It's just kind of weird for me... in some ways it's like nothing's changed at all, but at the same time, everything is different.”

Aoba snorted. “You're pretty different, too,” he pointed out, “And what happened to your nose?”

He reached out and touched Koujaku's scab, and Koujaku jerked back like Aoba's touch had burned him, “Don't!”

Aoba dropped his hand, “Sorry.”

Koujaku took a breath to compose himself, “I – sorry, that was an overreaction. I just...” he trailed off. There was no good way to end that sentence. 'I just can't stand to have the person who represents everything that was ever good in my life touch my scars'? Yeah, that would go over well. “It's still tender.”

“What happened?” Aoba asked.

Koujaku grimaced, “I'd rather not go into it.”

“Fine,” Aoba said, but he sounded anything but fine with it.

Koujaku let out a long breath, “I got into a fight. It's just... I've had a really hard time over the past few years and I'm not ready to talk about it with _anyone_. It's nothing personal.”

Aoba shrugged, “Fair enough. I'll just make you tell me later. For now...” he grinned, “Tell me about the mainland! What's it like? Did you ever go to Tokyo?”

“Only once, and I didn't really check out most of the tourist attractions,” Koujaku said, “I was living in Nagasaki. It's not really that different from here, at least not in the city. The buildings are less cramped, though.”

“What about out of the city?” Aoba asked.

“Now _that's_ actually different,” Koujaku said, smiling. This was a safe topic. He could wax poetic about the countryside and the mountains and the small towns along the coast for quite a while before he might get into any topic he didn't want to talk about. “It's very pretty countryside once you get away from the city. It looks like something out of a postcard pretty much every time you come to the top of a hill. Sometimes I liked to get on one of the trains that had a really long route – like, a four hour loop or more – and just watch the scenery out the window. I met a really cute girl like that once.”

“Really?” Aoba's expression turned from interested to a little sour as soon as Koujaku mentioned the girl.

“Hitomi-chan,” Koujaku elaborated, “We talked for a while and she gave me her phone number, but I lost it. I rode the same line a few more times but never saw her again.”

Koujaku had lost her number on purpose, thinking (probably entirely correctly) that getting a girlfriend would just cause a lot of trouble for both him and the girlfriend. He sighed, “I feel bad about that, since she probably just thinks I'm a jerk for never calling her when I said I would.”

Aoba scowled, “Whatever. I'm sure you had a lot of girlfriends, I don't need a full list.”

Koujaku laughed, “Actually, I didn't even have one.”

“Bullshit.”

“Aoba, language!”

Aoba ignored the admonishment and continued, “You're all... masculine and handsome and shit. You can't tell me that a guy like you didn't have _any_ girlfriend the whole time you were gone!”

“Well, I didn't,” Koujaku said with a shrug, “What about you? Have you had any girlfriends? You're quite handsome yourself now, I bet girls like you.”

Aoba smirked, “They do.”

“So you do have a girlfriend?” Koujaku asked.

Aoba shook his head, “Nothing that serious. Just, y'know... hookups.”

Koujaku blinked. Aoba had turned into the kind of person who had casual sex? He had a hard time reconciling that idea. Wasn't Aoba too young for that kind of stuff anyway? He was barely sixteen, that was definitely too young to be fooling around with random girls.

Aoba's expression changed to a hard scowl, “Oh, don't _you_ start telling me how to live my life! I get enough of that from Granny.”

“I didn't... say anything,” Koujaku protested.

“But you were fucking _thinking_ it, weren't you?” Aoba snapped, obviously angry now.

“No, I was just thinking that you seem -” he didn't get to finish his explanation, as Aoba cut him off.

“What?! Different from the little kid you remember? Yeah, I know, you've said it like ten times in the past two hours and I'm already really sick of it. I do what I want, and I do it with _who_ I want, and I am _not_ going to justify myself to you!” he snarled, “I'm glad to see you again, but let me make something clear: If you can't deal with who I am now, then we are _not_ going to be friends. 'Cause I'm not changing for anyone.”

“Sorry,” Koujaku said, looking down at his lap, feeling a little bit ashamed of himself. Actively judging Aoba certainly wouldn't help anything. Some of his behavior was probably from teenaged rebellion, but that didn't make his complaint less valid. “You're right. I do keep judging you by the way you used to be. But that's because I haven't been around you in such a long time, I haven't seen the ways you've changed and they keep surprising me. I'm not trying to change you – I mean, I wouldn't _want_ you to turn back into a little kid.”

He looked back up at Aoba, who was watching him with an expression that was still a little annoyed, but somewhat mollified. Koujaku smiled, “I'd much rather learn what you're like now.”

No matter how different Aoba was now, he was still _Aoba_. This new Aoba kept surprising him, but he was still Koujaku's precious friend, and the source of the few happy memories he'd been able to hold onto throughout everything that had happened to him... everything that he'd done.

Those innocent days were gone forever now, especially for him. Somehow, though, being in Aoba's presence again was enough to make Koujaku feel like he wasn't a monster. Unforgivable, maybe, but he was at least human with Aoba.

Slowly, Aoba smiled back at him. “Is that so? Well, then, I guess I should take you out and show you what the Midorijima nightlife is like.”

“Dark and filled with drunk people?” Koujaku guessed, making Aoba laugh.

“Hippo. There's plenty of fun to be had if you know where to look.” Aoba got to his feet and went over to his Allmate, still in sleep mode. He picked Ren up and tapped him on the head. The eyes opened with a mechanical whir.

“Aoba,” Ren said in that deep, incongruous voice.

“We're going out. I wanna show Koujaku around.”

“Understood. Are we in stealth mode for this?”

“Stealth mode?” Koujaku echoed, “What's that mean?”

“Going out without letting Granny see me,” Aoba answered, “I mean, she can't _stop_ me... but I don't like getting an earful.”

Koujaku's first instinct was to scold Aoba for being so disrespectful of his grandmother, but he shut his mouth on the thought. Aoba had _just_ gotten mad at him for that. Maybe he could play peacekeeper again, like he had during dinner.

“Maybe she'll be less upset if she knows I'm going with you,” he offered, “I mean, I wouldn't want anyone _I_ loved walking alone after dark around here...”

“It's not that,” Aoba rolled his eyes, “Pissed off and lecturing is her default state. You saw what she was like at dinner? Yeah, that's _always_ now. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I've heard it all before like nine hundred times and the nine hundred and first time won't make it any fresher.”

Poor Tae. For that matter, poor Aoba. They were both stubborn people, and it sounded like Aoba was just as frustrated with Tae as she was with him. They'd probably been butting heads for so long that neither of them had any idea how to make it better.

“I don't think she's doing it to be cruel,” Koujaku said carefully, wanting to defend Tae but not wanting to make Aoba angry again.

Aoba scowled, “Yeah, I'm sure she thinks it's all for my own good. I don't care. If I didn't do anything Granny disapproved of, all I'd be able to do is sit quietly in my room all day. Fuck that. She's going to be mad at me no matter what, so I do what I want and I don't let her stop me.”

Well, it wasn't like Koujaku couldn't sympathize with that at least a little, even if he mostly thought Aoba was being unfair to Tae. If he had been in a position where he could simply refuse to obey his father, he would have... he had the uncomfortable feeling that the tattoos were itching under his skin. It would probably be impossible to keep Aoba from seeing them forever, but for now he would do his best.

“I understand,” Koujaku said, “It's just that I feel like sneaking out with you would be a terrible way to repay Tae for her hospitality. I'm seeing apartments tomorrow, but it might be a few days before I can move in. I don't want her to get angry and say I can't stay here.”

“He has a good point, Aoba,” Ren said, “Tae has already expressed a strong dislike of 'bad influences', and if Koujaku sneaks out with you, she'd surely see him as one, too. Even though technically Aoba is the bad influence.”

Aoba let out a sigh that suggested that they were asking him to endure a terrible hardship. “Fine,” he agreed.

Koujaku smiled to himself. Apparently Ren would be his ally in keeping Aoba from being _quite_ so awful to his grandmother.

He got to his feet and followed Aoba downstairs again. Tae was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book, and she looked up at the two of them, a frown already on her face. Koujaku saw Aoba's shoulders stiffen, and decided to intervene.

“Aoba said that he's going to show me around, since a lot of things have changed since I was here last,” he said, smiling at Tae, “I hope you won't think I'm rude for leaving right after dinner.”

Tae pursed her lips, and looked at Aoba when she replied, “No, I don't think you're rude. But don't come back in really late, please.”

Aoba looked like he was going to argue, but Koujaku cut him off again, “Of course not! I'm meeting my possible landlord at 10 AM tomorrow, staying out all night would be a terrible idea! Don't worry, we'll be back at a reasonable hour.”

Tae gave him a rather stiff nod, and Koujaku had the distinct impression that she knew exactly what he was doing. Still, she didn't call him on it, and Koujaku hoped that meant that she didn't mind him being a mediator between her and Aoba.

Aoba, looking very annoyed, grabbed Koujaku by the wrist and pulled him towards the door. He stayed quiet until they got outside, then turned to Koujaku with a scowl.

“Thanks for giving me a curfew, Koujaku,” he said sarcastically.

“I didn't tell her any specific time,” Koujaku defended himself, “I just said 'a reasonable hour'. Besides, I was telling the truth when I said I don't want to stay out all night. I do have to meet that guy tomorrow morning.”

He had thought he'd handled the situation pretty deftly. He'd been respectful enough that Tae was unlikely to think of him as a bad influence, but hadn't actually made _Aoba_ agree to do anything.

“Ugh. Fine,” Aoba said. He looked down at Ren, “Well, we apparently have a time limit, since Koujaku is an old man who goes to bed early. Is there anything interesting going on this early?”

Ren paused for a moment, then said, “Apparently Takumi is over on south Aoyagi street.”

Aoba shrugged, “I guess that'll do. Come on, Koujaku, I think you'll like Takumi.”

“Alright,” Koujaku agreed, and followed Aoba as he headed toward the main road.


	2. Chapter 2

As it turned out, Koujaku didn't think much of Takumi. By the time they arrived at the alley off the main road where Ren had directed them, Takumi was already drinking cheap, terrible smelling beer. He had an entire case sitting at his feet, and when they walked up to him, he grinned at Aoba and tossed him a can. Aoba caught it easily.

“So who's this?” Takumi asked, looking at Koujaku.

“This is my friend Koujaku,” Aoba said, smiling as he opened the can of beer, “He just got back to Midorijima today.”

“Cool,” Takumi said, “Want a beer?”

“No thank you,” Koujaku said, trying not to immediately judge Takumi and failing.

Takumi gave him an odd look, but shrugged, “More for us, then. Jiro said he's gonna be here later.”

“Ugh,” Aoba said, managing to put a huge amount of disgust into the single syllable. He threw his head back and chugged the entire can of beer in a few gulps, much to Koujaku's surprise. Aoba drank like he had a lot of experience. It was one thing to hear Aoba _say_ that he drank, but another to actually see him do it.

“I take it Jiro isn't someone you like?” Koujaku asked.

“He was fine until he started dating his girlfriend,” Aoba said. “Megumi is just like Granny, she's constantly nagging, always wants to know what he's doing every second of every day, and hates the answers she gets.”

Koujaku made a non-committal noise in response, not sure what he could say to that, since he didn't know either of them.

Aoba tossed the empty can on the ground and reached for another one, “Guess I'm glad you gave me an excuse to head home early, Koujaku.”

“What, so you're just going to steal two cans of my beer and fuck off?” Takumi asked, “You could at least stick around for a bit. Or, you know, _thank_ me for buying the beer.”

There was an emphasis on the word thank, along with a waggle of his eyebrows that made the sentence very suggestive, and Koujaku felt his opinion of Takumi lowering even more.

“Not happening,” Aoba said, with a disdainful laugh.

“That's cold, Aoba~!” Takumi whined, but after a second of exaggerated pouting he laughed and looked at Koujaku, “How about you? You're pretty hot, for a guy.”

Koujaku blinked in surprise. He'd never been hit on by a man before, or by a drunken teenage boy, either. What on earth was he supposed to say to that?

Aoba came to his rescue, laughing again, “Quit trying, Takumi, you look desperate and it's kind of pathetic.”

“Easy for you to say. How many girls have you fucked in the last month?”

“They turn you down 'cause you look desperate and it's pathetic. Seriously, what non-desperate person hits on someone else like five seconds after getting rejected?”

“It doesn't matter,” Koujaku said, heading off the argument, “I've never been into guys anyway, so... no thanks.”

And if he ever _were_ to go for a guy, Koujaku thought, it certainly wouldn't be _that_ guy. He thought about softening the rejection by saying he was flattered, but that would be a lie. Takumi's awkward pass had been anything but flattering. He tried not to judge people too quickly or harshly, but Takumi had not made a good impression on any level. He was probably one of the 'bad influences' that Tae was concerned about.

Was this what Aoba did when he snuck out? Just find a friend of his and sit in an alleyway drinking cheap beer? He supposed it could be worse, but no wonder Tae was concerned and frustrated.

“Seriously, though, why are you skipping out so quick?” Takumi asked.

“The old man here -” Aoba jerked his thumb at Koujaku “- has to get to bed early.”

Takumi raised an eyebrow at him. Koujaku didn't feel he really needed to justify his choice to him, but Aoba seemed to expect him to explain, so he said, “I'm meeting a guy tomorrow morning. Going to see about renting an apartment.”

“Apartment? How old are you?”

“Nineteen,” Aoba answered for Koujaku.

“You're living on your own at nineteen? That's crazy!”

Koujaku frowned, keeping his mouth shut. He did _not_ want to go into any details of his life with this stranger who, quite frankly, seemed like an asshole.

Takumi either didn't notice or didn't care about Koujaku silence and blithely continued, “Wish I had my own place. It'd be nice to not have my mom breathing down my neck all day.”

Aoba was looking at Koujaku with an odd expression, and Koujaku tried to smile at him. It wasn't a good attempt, Koujaku knew. He wanted to grab Takumi by the collar and shake him, yell at him that mothers shouldn't be taken for granted and should be treated with respect, but he was afraid of what he might do if he gave in to a violent impulse like that.

“I mean,” Takumi continued, “She's my mom, I love her and all, but I'm getting tired of all the 'you need a job! Why don't you have a girlfriend? Your friends are bad influences!' and shit like that.”

“Tell me about it!” Aoba said with a laugh, “Koujaku, when you get a place I'm going to spend all my time there.”

For a brief moment, Koujaku thought about lecturing them – they were both being ungrateful brats, after all – but he decided against it. He didn't care about Takumi's opinion of him, but he didn't want to make Aoba angry.

Instead he smiled and adopted a flippant tone as he said, “If you move in, I'm going to make you pay rent.”

“Boo,” Aoba scowled, but he sounded like he was about to laugh, “What kind of a friend are you?”

“A broke one,” Koujaku replied easily, “I'm living off my savings until I find a job, remember?”

“Boring~!” Aoba groaned, “Koujaku, I used to think you were so cool, how are you so boring now that you're old?”

Koujaku shrugged, “Sorry to disappoint. Should I get a walking stick and shake it at you? Would that be more entertaining?”

Aoba stuck his tongue out, “Hippo.”

Koujaku laughed. Teasing Aoba a little bit was still fun, at least, even if the context was different now.

“But why bother with a job?” Aoba continued, “I told you, just start betting on Rhyme matches. Bet on mine, I've never lost!”

“And you never shut up about never losing,” Takumi piped up, “You just brag all the time, that's pretty boring, too, y'know.”

“Is that so?” Aoba asked, slowly turning to look back at Takumi, and his voice took on a quality that Koujaku couldn't quite describe. He'd never imagined Aoba could sound like that, dangerous and alluring... It was inviting and intimidating all at once, and Koujaku felt the muscles in his chest clench and the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

“You want a rematch, then?” Aoba asked, his face splitting into a threatening grin, and Takumi took a step back so quickly that he hit the wall of the alley, “I would _destroy_ you.”

Koujaku had the feeling it was not hyperbole.  Somehow, Aoba's demeanor made him think that he could do exactly that, even though Takumi was considerably bigger than him.

“Aoba,” Ren's deep voice cut through the suddenly threatening atmosphere, and Aoba's threatening expression softened as he glanced down at the little Allmate, “Takumi wasn't challenging you.”

“Hmmph. Dammit, I wish someone would.”

And like that, Aoba was back to normal – or at least, the rebellious and moody teen attitude that seemed to be his normal now. He sighed and downed the rest of his beer in a few gulps. He dropped the can on the ground and crushed it under his foot.

“Are there any games going on around here? I could really do with letting off some steam.”

“None currently, unfortunately. Sorry.”

Aoba sighed, “Figures that shit would be boring the one night I'm trying to show Koujaku stuff.”

He looked genuinely disappointed, and Koujaku reached out to pat his shoulder reassuringly. Aoba looked up at him with a familiar expression, like when he'd been upset as a kid and trying not to show it.

“It's not the end of the world,” Koujaku said, “I mean, it's not like I'm only coming for a short visit. I'm moving back here, you'll have other chances to show me this game.”

Aoba frowned, “I know. I still wanted to show you.”

And there was the cute kid that Koujaku remembered. Aoba had changed, but he wasn't a  _totally_ different person. That pout was identical to when he'd been younger. Koujaku couldn't help but smile at him.  Aoba started to smile back, but seemed to catch himself and scowled instead.

“Whatever,” he said with a shrug, “How about I show you one of my favorite places to get a snack?”

“We just had dinner,” Koujaku pointed out.

“I'm a growing boy!” Aoba laughed, cheerfully. His moods shifted so rapidly that Koujaku was having a hard time keeping up.

“Alright,” Koujaku agreed, “Maybe I'll get a dessert.” He was still pretty full, but it wouldn't be bad to know where the good places to eat were. Tae wasn't going to feed him every night, after all.

Aoba turned to leave the alley, but Takumi held out his hand and Aoba stopped, looking at him coolly. Koujaku wondered how much Aoba actually liked his friends, the way he acted toward Takumi. Between the general air of annoyance and the threat earlier, it didn't seem like they were all that close.

“Before you go,” Takumi said, “You still owe me for the beer last time, too.”

“Ugh, _fine,”_ Aoba grumbled. He reached in his pocket and after a moment digging around, pulled out a crumpled 1000-yen bill and dropped it into Takumi's outstretched hand, “Greedy bastard.”

“You never buy for the rest of us, so suck it up, man,” Takumi said, “I'll send you a message if anyone else shows up. I'm sure everyone will want to meet Koujaku.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Aoba said vaguely, not looking particularly thankful about it, “See you later.”

“Nice meeting you,” Koujaku said politely, nodding at Takumi as they left. Poor impression or not, there was no reason to be rude.

He followed Aoba, half a step behind, and had a strong desire to hold his hand, like they had always done when they were children. But they weren't children anymore, and it would be weird if he did that now, so he kept his hands to himself and listened as Aoba described the places they passed. There were shops and restaurants, and a few spots that Aoba pointed out because something had happened there. A disturbing number of the latter were places where Aoba had gotten into fights...

“How often do you get jumped around here?” Koujaku asked after the fourth time Aoba shared one of those stories.

“Oh, calm down,” Aoba said, “Most of the time it's just punk kids who run away as soon as I start talking.”

Well, if he talked the way he had to Takumi earlier, that wasn't entirely shocking. Koujaku frowned anyway, “Still... how dangerous has it gotten around here?”

“Scared, Koujaku?” Aoba asked, his grin somewhat feral again, “Don't be. I'm the most dangerous person around.”

At that, Koujaku actually snorted, “You're a sixteen year old kid with delusions of grandeur.”

“Try me. I'll mess you up so fast it'll make your head spin. Or are you scared?”

_Of hurting you._ Koujaku glanced down at his hands, afraid that his nails might still be claws, with blood caked beneath them. They gave no indication of the monstrous things he had done just a month ago, and he took a breath, put on a smile, and looked back up at Aoba. “I'm four years older than you, 20cm taller, and I've been taking kendo lessons for seven years.”

“Kendo, huh? Guess that explains why you're so built now. Still, I'm no pushover.”

Koujaku made himself laugh and he rolled his eyes, “I'm not going to get into a fist fight with you, Aoba. You don't have to keep trying to prove that you're grown up and tough now.”

Aoba pouted again, “Well, you keep treating me like a kid...”

“You still _are_ a kid. Older than you were, but you're not a grown up yet.”

“Jerk~!” Aoba whined, “See if I let you buy me food now!”

“Wait, was I buying? You're the one who keeps talking about making money from that game of yours, I thought you were going to treat me!”

“Aoba,” Ren cut in, “You have more than enough money to buy food, there's no reason to try and make Koujaku spend his money on you.”

Koujaku looked down at the little Allmate, his head poking out of Aoba's bag, and smiled, “Thank you, Ren, for keeping Aoba from taking shameless advantage of me.”

Ren looked up at him, his tail wagging, “You're welcome.”

“Oh, so now my own Allmate is ganging up on me with my best friend? Thanks a lot!”

Koujaku felt something tightly wound in his chest loosen a bit, to hear Aoba referring to him as his best friend. After he'd been away for so long, Aoba was still happily letting him reclaim that position... it made him happy, but at the same time he wondered – did Aoba not have anyone else close enough to be his best friend after seven years?

Still, it was easy and pleasant to fall into this banter with Aoba, smiling and teasing back and forth with him as though nothing was wrong. Everything was wrong, and Koujaku knew this wouldn't last forever, but for now... for now he could pretend that he was fine.

“Here it is!” Aoba said, pointing at a small shop front, “They're open 24 hours, too, so its one of my favorite places to eat.”

The restaurant was a tiny takeout place, with nowhere to sit and eat inside, but the smell of food had Koujaku's mouth watering as soon as he opened the door.

“Welcome!” called the girl standing behind the counter, “Oh, it's you again. Let me guess, the tempura bento?”

“Yeah,” Aoba said, digging in his pocket and withdrawing more crumpled bills. Did Aoba not own a wallet?

Koujaku looked over the menu. It all looked like fairly standard take out food.

“What do you recommend?” Koujaku asked, “I'm not very hungry, but it smells good, so maybe something small...”

“I really like their tempura, but everything else is pretty good, too.”

“Who's your friend?” the girl asked Aoba, but her eyes stayed on Koujaku, “I'm pretty sure I'd remember if I'd seen you before...”

“Oh, I've just arrived,” Koujaku said, “I used to live here as a child, but we moved to the mainland and I've only recently come back.”

“Midorijima must seem very different now. Have you got anyone to show you around?” she asked, a hopeful tone in her voice.

Was she flirting with him? Koujaku looked at her, considering. She was definitely a cute girl. Petite, with large dark eyes and a pink streak in her hair that she'd apparently carefully curled, since it framed her face in a perfect ringlet. But what really caught his attention was the way she was smiling at him.

She had a carefree smile, light and open, the smile of someone who had never been hurt by the world. His mother had deserved to smile like that, but she never had. Her smile had always been shadowed by pain, even when he was very young.

He hadn't expected to feel so strongly about something as simple as a smile, but it warmed him to have a girl smiling at him like that. She'd be happy if he flirted back.

“Oh, are you offering?” he asked, smiling back at her. He knew he had a very charming smile when he put his mind to it.

Her cheeks went almost as pink as the streak in her hair, but she didn't stop smiling at him, “Maybe...”

“Because if such a beautiful woman is offering to show me around, it would be shameful to say anything but yes.”

She giggled, covering her pink cheeks with her hands, “Shameful, really?”

“If I said no it might make you sad, and it's shameful for men to make women cry.” Koujaku smiled as he said it, but he wasn't lying. Or even exaggerating, really. He would never be able to atone for his sins, he knew, but he was _never_ going to treat any woman the way his father had treated his mother. He would never be the reason that a woman lost her easy smile.

“I'm Ayame,” she said, still giggling a bit.

“My name is Koujaku. Pleased to meet you,” he said.

“Oi, what's with all this flirting?” Aoba cut in, sounding very annoyed, “Just order something so we can get our food, I'm _starving.”_

Ayame straightened up, looking a little embarrassed, “Sorry! Just a minute!” She hit a few buttons on the cash register, “One tempura bento and... what would you like, Koujaku-san?”

When they left ten minutes later, Koujaku had a small order of inarizushi and Ayame's phone number written on the back of his hand. He felt rather pleased about that, actually. He would show her a nice time.

“I _really_ don't believe you've never had a girlfriend,” Aoba said, stuffing a piece of tempura into his mouth as he walked, “That was way too smooth.”

“Don't talk with your mouth full, Aoba, that's gross.”

Aoba rolled his eyes, swallowed his food, and said, “Seriously, though, do you spend all your time watching romances or something? What was with the chivalrous act?”

“You think I'm not chivalrous?” Koujaku asked, “Aoba, I'm hurt!”

Aoba let out a short laugh, “You're a total hippo, is what you are.”

“Hey, you!”

The voice came from directly behind Koujaku, loud enough to make him jump and spin around, his fists already raised defensively. The person who had yelled was a man probably around his age, short but very broad-shouldered, wearing a leather jacket and an enraged expression. He barely gave Koujaku a glance, his attention focused on Aoba.

“Sly Blue, you piece of shit!”

Aoba blinked, and briefly looked him up and down, managing to put more disdain into the action than Koujaku would have believed possible. “Sorry, do I know you?”

The man lunged forward, grabbing for Aoba with an inarticulate sound of rage.

Koujaku acted without thinking. He dropped the bag with his food in it, seized the man's wrist, and pulled him back, away from Aoba. The guy was strong, but he hadn't been expecting it and Koujaku was able to spin him around and twist his arm behind his back before he could react. It wasn't a strong hold, but it was enough to keep the man from continuing to go after Aoba. Apparently he didn't actually know much about fighting, since his efforts to free himself from Koujaku's grip were ineffective.

“Let me go, you fuck!” he yelled.

“Please,” Koujaku said, not letting him go, “Calm down and let's discuss this _without_ you trying to attack my friend from behind.”

“Ren, do you know who this is?” Aoba asked, sounding remarkably calm, even as a small crowd began to gather around them.

“Don't you remember? He challenged us three nights ago.”

“Oh, yeah! The one-hit-win!” Aoba said, “Question Mark, right?”

“You're a cheat!” the man spat, “That's the only way you could have won with that old piece of junk!”

This last he aimed at Ren, whose ears drooped as he said it. Aoba's lip curled into a sneer, and he reached down to pet Ren gently.

“My 'old piece of junk' can beat _anyone_ in Rhyme,” he said, his hand curling protectively over Ren's head, “And as for you... _Let him go, Koujaku. I don't need you to fight my fights for me._ ”

It was a terrible idea, but somehow Koujaku found himself obeying anyway. Cautiously, he released the other man's wrist and took a step back. The guy – Question Mark, apparently, and what kind of a name was that? - shook himself, and squared off against Aoba. The gathered crowd – there were over half a dozen people now – looked excited.

Aoba took the bag with Ren in it off his shoulder and set it carefully down on the ground. Ren squirmed out of the bag and hurried over to Koujaku, and Koujaku bent to pick him up almost without thinking. Should he stop this? The guy was a lot bigger than Aoba, and clearly very angry, but somehow Koujaku felt he should stay out of their way.

Question Mark moved first, lunging clumsily towards Aoba, and Aoba dodged easily, throwing a kick while Question Mark was still off balance that connected firmly with his side and spending him sprawling into the gutter.

Despite himself, Koujaku was a little impressed.

“I tried to warn him,” a girl muttered nearby, and Koujaku looked over at her, “No one gets anywhere picking fights with Sly Blue. That kid is vicious.”

“Does this happen a lot?” Koujaku asked her.

The girl shrugged, “Are you his friend? You'd know better than I would.”

Koujaku felt that he was only beginning to see how much he _didn't_ know about Aoba. No _wonder_ Tae worried so much, if this happened regularly. Sure, Aoba had gotten a good kick in, but he was still fighting someone who was probably double his weight. If Question Mark got a hold of him, he could hurt Aoba badly. Koujaku took half a step forward. Aoba's pride was all very well, but he wasn't going to let him get hurt on his watch.

“You're not worth my time,” Aoba growled down at Question Mark, who was trying to get to his feet, “ _Get lost_.” He punctuated the command with another kick, this one landing squarely on the larger man's behind, meant to humiliate more than do actual damage.

To Koujaku's surprise, Question Mark scrambled to his feet and ran away. Aoba watched him go with a disdainful expression until he rounded a corner, then he picked up his things and came over to Koujaku, looking positively _cheerful_ as he took Ren and put him back in the bag.

“Well, at least _something_ interesting happened tonight,” he said with a smile, “I was thinking it would be totally boring.”

“Sly Blue?” Koujaku asked, since it was the simplest question of the many he had now.

“My Rhyme username,” Aoba answered, “I go by that mostly. _You_ can still call me Aoba, though.”

“Uh... sure,” Koujaku said, completely at a loss for words. His head was spinning, and the only thing he was sure of was that he had to do whatever he could to keep Aoba out of trouble. He could already tell it wouldn't be an easy job.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, it's been a long time since I've updated. Sorry! Between NaNoWriMo and my secret Santa fic, I didn't spend much time on this fic over the last few months. It's not abandoned, though!

Three weeks since he'd returned to Midorijima, and Koujaku had a new 'normal'. He had moved into his apartment and was slowly furnishing it – at the moment he had a bed, a dresser, three folding chairs, and a badly scratched up old coffee table. The rooms were still empty enough that they had an echo that haunted him when he was alone, but that was getting better. He didn't spend much time alone in his apartment anyway. He'd gotten the part-time job that Tae had suggested at the corner store, and had gone on a few dates. Two with Ayame, and two with two other girls he had met since then. He had decided that he really enjoyed taking girls on dates – it was so easy to make them happy, and making them happy made his guilt recede for a few hours.

Most of the rest of his time, he spent with Aoba. Koujaku's resolve to keep Aoba out of trouble hadn't wavered, but he was having some doubts about his ability to do so. Aoba attracted trouble like most people breathed, and when trouble wasn't finding him, he actively went looking for it. In three weeks, Koujaku had seen Aoba get into nine fights and heard him bragging about at least five more.

He'd finally witnessed a few of Aoba's Rhyme matches, and the game did look like it was fun, but it was also easy to see why Aoba seemed to be making enemies by playing it. He played ruthlessly, and at times he could be downright vicious. His habit of mocking his opponents after a victory didn't help, either. Aoba had bruised a lot of egos.

Rhyme wasn't a team game, but he wanted to be around Aoba as much as possible, so he'd agreed to let Aoba drag him to an electronics store to buy his own Allmate.

“It's not just for Rhyme, they're useful for a lot of other things, too,” Aoba said with a smile as he opened the door to the shop. 

“I've already agreed to get one, you don't have to keep talking me into it,” Koujaku replied, laughing a bit. Aoba was in a good mood today, despite the lack of Rhyme matches or fist fights. Koujaku pretty much lived for Aoba's good moods now, when he was smiling and joking and relaxed. It felt like everything was alright when they were together and Aoba was happy.

“I just don't want you to get buyer's remorse if you don't like Rhyme after all,” Aoba said.

“Aww, it's so cute when you're concerned for me. So, what do you think I should get?” Koujaku asked, looking around the shop. 

There were Allmates of every type, ranging from ones that were animal-shaped to some that looked like plush toys, and everything in-between. Under the sign “Allmates for housekeeping” he saw one that looked like a trash can with arms. Huh. Useful, but probably not what he was looking for.  He was good at cleaning his house on his own. Granted, it was easy to keep a house clean when there was practically nothing  _in_ it, but still.

“It's your choice,” Aoba said with a shrug, “I like animal types myself. Like Ren.”

Ren's tail wagged. “Thank you,” he said.

Koujaku nodded. He liked Ren, too, although he didn't want to get one exactly the same. An animal-type seemed like it would suit him. He headed for the displays, his eye caught immediately by an elaborate birdcage design.

There were at least two dozen Allmates in the display, it was hard to tell exactly since they were all in shop display mode, flitting around the inside of the cage like one might see in any pet shop, but far quieter. There was even a bat, hanging from one of the perches with its head tucked underneath its wing.

“Oh, yeah, a flying Allmate would be cool,” Aoba said, coming up and looking into the cage. He laughed suddenly, and pointed, “Oh my god, Koujaku, you _have_ to get that one!”

“Which one?” Koujaku asked, trying to tell which Allmate Aoba was pointing at.

“The little red sparrow! It's just too perfect!” Aoba said, laughing. Koujaku smiled at him. Since he'd returned, he hadn't often seen Aoba laugh like that, just from genuine amusement.

He looked back and saw the one Aoba had pointed out. It was indeed a little red sparrow, with a cream colored belly and white spots on its wings. He could see why Aoba thought it suited him.

Koujaku smiled, “You're totally right.”

He looked over at the attendant – she was  _very_ pretty, he noticed – and put on a winning smile, “Excuse me, miss, how much is the red sparrow Allmate?”

“Ah, please wait one second, sir, I'll look it up for you,” she said, turning to her computer. A blush was spreading over her cheeks – she must have been a shy person, for just Koujaku's smile to have her blushing. Koujaku smiled a bit less obviously. He thought shy women were very cute, but he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

“That model is 40,000 yen, sir,” she said, looking back up at him. Her blush hadn't gone away, but she was smiling back. 

“Hmm,” Koujaku said, “A little more than I was planning to spend... but I think he would suit me so well, don't you?” He let a flirtatious note slip into his voice, and the girl blushed a bit more.

He heard Aoba let out a huff next to him, but didn't glance over.

“Um... well, our shop is running a promotion right now that could get you 15% off, if you're interested,” she said, her eyes lowered and her blush growing again.

“That would be lovely, thank you,” Koujaku said, “What's the promotion?”

“Well, I'm not really supposed to do this, because it's for our online store – 15% off the first time you make a purchase. You can go onto our website on your coil right now, make the purchase, and select 'pick up from store' instead of a delivery, and then I can just give you the Allmate.” 

“Well, I wouldn't want to do it if it might get such a nice, helpful girl in trouble,” Koujaku said.

“It's not breaking any rules, it's just... bending them a little. My boss wouldn't mind as long as I made a sale,” she smiled at him again, “You're right, it really does look like it would suit you -” another blush “- you have a very traditional look. I think guys who can pull that off are really cool.”

“Well, if such a pretty girl says so, I guess I must be cool.”

She went bright red and covered her face with her hands, “I'm sorry, I'm not usually so forward!”

“I don't mind at all,” Koujaku said, “But if we're being forward, then may I ask your name?”

“Miho,” she replied, without lowering her hands.

“What a cute name, it suits you perfectly. I'm Koujaku.”

At this point, Aoba apparently lost patience and blurted out, “So are you going to buy the damn Allmate, or just stand there hitting on the sales girl all day?!”

Koujaku looked over at Aoba, who was standing with his arms folded across his chest and looking  _very_ irritated. Koujaku laughed, a little sheepishly, “Sorry, Aoba. It's easy for me to forget what I originally meant to do when I start talking to a pretty girl.”

He opened his coil and pulled up the internet browser, and looked back at Miho, “But since you've been so kind as to find me a discount, I should use it, shouldn't I?”

He let her direct him to the store's website and found the Allmate he wanted. Series III, Sparrow model – Red. He grinned as he paid for it; it really was just perfect for him.

“And there's your order in our system, Koujaku-san,” she said politely, looking back at her computer screen, “Let me get your Allmate for you and I can help you configure it.”

“I can do that for you,” Aoba said firmly, “It's not hard, and stores usually charge extra for it.”

“Oh,” Koujaku looked at Miho, “Do you charge for that?”

“Yes,” Miho said, giving Aoba a displeased look, “But it's only 1000 yen and I can help you optimize your Allmate for whichever purpose you want to use it.”

Koujaku was half-tempted to spend the money for an excuse to keep talking to Miho – 1000 yen wasn't much – but Aoba was glowering and would probably be really upset if Koujaku didn't accept his offer of help. And if Aoba was upset, he probably wouldn't talk to Koujaku for a  day or two as a punishment, and who knew what trouble he would get up to in that time?

He decided not to risk it, and shook his head, “Thank you for the offer, but I'm sure Aoba can help me.”

Miho looked a little disappointed, so Koujaku smiled at her and said, “Although I'd be willing to pay the extra money for your phone number.”

He heard Aoba make a sound of disgust, but Miho blushed cutely and smiled as she replied, “You can have that for free, Koujaku-san.”

He walked out of the door ten minutes later with a bag containing his new Allmate, the instruction manual, a few connecting cables, a charger shaped like a perch, and a receipt with Miho's number written on it. He'd call her tomorrow and ask when she was free for a date.

Aoba followed behind him, almost radiating sullenness, much to Koujaku's disappointment. He'd been in such a good mood when they'd walked into the store.

“Does me flirting with girls _really_ upset you that much?” Koujaku asked, looking at Aoba.

“It's just annoying,” Aoba said, “We can't go anywhere without you trying to pick up a date. I like girls, too, but I don't ignore my friends to flirt with them all the damn time.”

Koujaku almost pointed out how Aoba frequently ignored his friends for a whole variety of reasons, but kept his mouth shut. There was really no point in arguing with Aoba about stuff like that. He definitely trended towards the hypocritical when it came to what annoyed him.

“I'm sorry,” Koujaku said, “I'm not trying to upset you, I just really like making girls happy.”

Aoba rolled his eyes, “You like being a total manwhore, you mean.”

“Hey, you're one to talk! I've seen _you_ have two hookups since I arrived,” he kept his tone light and joking, “Are you just jealous of my manliness, Aoba?”

Aoba snorted, “As if I could be jealous of a hippo like you!”

“Well, it's only natural to be upset now that you actually have some competition...”

“Jerk!” Aoba said, shoving Koujaku's shoulder. But the teasing had worked, because he was laughing and smiling once again. 

He was still in a pleasant mood by the time they reached Koujaku's apartment. The empty rooms still echoed, but didn't bother Koujaku so much when Aoba's voice was the source of the noise. He headed for Koujaku's room and plopped down on the bed, since it was still currently the most comfortable seating in the place. 

“Next piece of furniture we're getting is a couch,” Aoba said. He opened his bag and pulled Ren out of it.

“You're acting like you're the one who lives here,” Koujaku said with a smile, retrieving his rarely-used laptop and taking a seat next to Aoba.

“I spend enough time here I want somewhere more comfortable to sit.”

“I'm working on it,” Koujaku promised, “Furniture isn't free, y'know.”

“Only if you steal it. Hey, Takashi was such an asshole yesterday, that could be a good way to get back at him...”

“I'm not going to steal someone's couch, Aoba, even if he is an asshole. How about you show me how to make this little guy work?”

He opened the bag containing his new Allmate, and Aoba perked up immediately. He grabbed the bag out of Koujaku's hand and pulled out the Allmate and the other accessories. He turned the Allmate over in his hands, examining it.

“Okay, so first...” He pressed the bird's chest, and a panel opened, revealing some electronic parts. He took one of the cables out of the pile and plugged one end into the port and the other end into Koujaku's computer.

“This part is pretty straightforward,” Aoba said at the menu that appeared on the screen, “Name, personality type, voice...”

Koujaku looked it over, checking the options. He wasn't sure what all of them meant, especially the personality types, which were single-word descriptions. He mentioned that to Aoba, who laughed.

“It's supposed to be kind of vague. You start with the basics and then they learn over time the more you interact with them. And you can change it later if you don't like things.”

That was true. He looked through the list of personality types again. Calm, shy, aggressive, reserved, fierce, outgoing... He glanced at Aoba, smiled to himself, and settled on 'fierce'. He was pretty sure he could handle fierce.

“Name,” he murmured, “Hmm... I think... Beni.”

Aoba laughed, “That fits!”

He made the last few choices quickly, and clicked to confirm. With a faint mechanical noise, Beni opened his eyes.

“Hello,” he said, and stretched his wings, “I'm Beni, do you need help configuring me?”

“Sure,” Koujaku replied, already finding himself a little charmed by his new Allmate, “What do I need to do?”

He let the little bird talk him through the process of linking to his Individual Recognition chip and his coil, and creating an online avatar. The last part was where he began to see some of the 'fierce' personality he had selected, as Beni demanded that he look cool. 

“I have to look at least as cool as Ren does!” Beni insisted, upon learning that Koujaku intended to play Rhyme as well.

He laughed, “So Ren is super-cool, huh?”

Koujaku had been surprised when he first saw Ren's online avatar. Far from being a tiny puppy, in Rhyme, Ren was a tall and intimidating man, covered almost entirely in a dark blue cloak and a headband that blocked his eyes. Not nearly as cute, but his voice matched that form much better.

“It's embarrassing if my master's best friend has a cooler Allmate than me!” Beni insisted, “And what if we play Rhyme against them? How can I do my best if he's way cooler than me?!”

“I don't think I'm that cool,” Ren said.

Koujaku chuckled, and gently petted Ren's head, “Nope. Just cute.”

“Thank you.”

“So humble! Are you trying to make me look bad?” Beni asked, fluttering over and landing on Ren's head.

“No. If my online mode is cool, it's only by luck. Aoba barely changed it from the default. He's spent far more time working on my attacks and defense for Rhyme than my appearance in it.”

Koujaku glanced at Aoba, who was watching the Allmates with a gentle, affectionate expression Koujaku hadn't seen him wear before. Aoba looked so relaxed and happy, and Koujaku was once again struck by how beautiful he had grown up to be. Looking at him like that, smiling gently and for once seeming content, Koujaku felt an ache in his chest, a longing for something he couldn't quite articulate yet.

Impulsively, he let his fingers brush Aoba's and Aoba looked at him curiously.

Koujaku paused, trying to think of something to say that wasn't the question that was actually floating in his mind:  _can we hold hands again, like when we were kids?_

“Um... does the avatar have any effect on how you play the game?” Koujaku asked.

“None whatsoever. Just decide how you want him to look. You can change it later if you want to.”

He ended up spending over an hour editing Beni's avatar, looking at all the different options and even spending a little time teasing Beni by purposefully making him look ridiculous. The way Beni got steamed up about it was amusing, but he mostly did it to make Aoba laugh. In the end, though, he gave in to Beni's insistence and made him look pretty cool. The avatar was short but muscular, red-haired, with a red cape that looked a little bit like feathers and a little bit like Koujaku's favorite kimono. Beni declared that he liked looking “small but tough.”

“'Cause that's what I am!” he said, “No one should underestimate me!”

“I'm sure they won't,” Koujaku said, giving Beni a pet on the head. “Hey, Aoba, what do you want to do about dinner? I found a place nearby that delivers, they do really good Thai food.”

“Sure. I could go for Thai.”

Koujaku smiled as he looked up the restaurant's number. He really preferred this to prowling the streets with Aoba until all hours of the night. Just hanging out at home, both of them could relax. Aoba seemed to enjoy being tightly wound, but Koujaku was always looking over his shoulder, making sure that one of the many,  _many_ people Aoba had upset wasn't about to try and jump him from behind. Aoba agreeing to order in for dinner meant at least another hour and a half of relaxing in Koujaku's apartment instead of going out to look for trouble.

“Do they have drinks, too?” Aoba asked.

“Sure. Juice or soda?”

“I meant beer.”

“We're both still underage, Aoba,” Koujaku said with a frown, “They can't sell it to us if they do.”

Aoba rolled his eyes, “Fine, whatever. You're such a killjoy, no wonder Granny likes you.”

“I'm flattered,” Koujaku replied drily, “Now what do you want?”

Aoba looked over the menu on Koujaku's coil and tapped the option he wanted, and Koujaku placed the order. He'd mostly gotten used to Aoba's sudden mood shifts by now, and he was starting to suspect that it wasn't so much that Aoba's mood was suddenly changing as it was that Aoba would suddenly remember he was a rebellious teen and needed to act like it. Aoba enjoyed getting into trouble, but his most extreme behavior seemed like a performance to Koujaku. Who he was showing off for, though, Koujaku wasn't sure. Himself, maybe?

“Hey,” Aoba said with a sudden smile, “How about a quick practice game before the food gets here?”

They probably had time before their food arrived, most Rhyme matches only took about ten minutes, but Koujaku felt a little apprehensive at the idea, “Uh... I'll have no idea what I'm doing.”

“I promise not to viciously crush you beneath my heel.”

“Guess I can't ask for better than that,” Koujaku laughed, “You're ruthless.”

“Not with you. I like you,” Aoba said in a very matter of fact tone, and Koujaku suddenly found himself blushing. He was aware that Aoba liked him, but Aoba didn't say things like that plainly very often. It was nice to hear.

“But, whatever, we don't have to do it right now if you're scared,” Aoba continued, a mocking tone in his voice. 

Koujaku rolled his eyes. “I'm fully aware you're trying to bait me, you know. It's not going to work.”

“Oh, come on, _please?!_ It'll be fun!”

Really, Koujaku couldn't say no when Aoba was begging him for things like that. It was the one of the two main reasons that Koujaku had joined Aoba in so much of his reckless behavior. The other, of course, being Koujaku's need to keep Aoba safe.

“After dinner,” Koujaku said, and felt his heart beat a little faster at Aoba's pleased smile, “I know Rhyme matches don't take that long, but since you're going to have to explain everything to me... I don't want to be in a Rhyme field when the delivery person gets here. It would be rude.”

Aoba laughed, rolling his eyes, “And god knows you can't stand to be rude, right?”

“There's nothing wrong with having good manners!”

“You're even polite to people who are trying to beat you up!”

That wasn't exactly true. Koujaku always tried to talk it out with people before he got into a physical fight. It didn't often work... Aoba had pissed off a lot of people, most of them angry kids with something to prove. He frowned, and reached over to tweak Aoba's nose.

“Hey!” Aoba protested, pulling back.

“It's not _me_ they're trying to beat up, in case you hadn't noticed,” Koujaku said, and released Aoba's nose, “You attract more trouble than anyone I've ever met.”

Aoba let out a derisive laugh, “Yeah. It's the only thing that's any fun on this whole damn island.”

“The _only_ thing? Don't I count as fun?” Koujaku asked.

Aoba rolled his eyes, and playfully shoved Koujaku's shoulder, “Nope. You're a massive killjoy.”

“Then why do you hang out with me?”

Aoba smiled at him, “Nostalgia, I guess.”

He was really a beautiful young man, Koujaku thought, not for the first time. Other people noticed, too. A lot of girls flirted with Aoba just as readily as they flirted with Koujaku. So did a lot of guys, for that matter, but Koujaku was less inclined to think of the way the guys acted as 'flirting.' It was more like 'directly propositioning', sometimes as crudely as just asking Aoba to suck their cocks. He had never taken one of them up on it, at least not that Koujaku had seen, but Koujaku didn't know if his disinterest came from a general lack of interest in guys, or just his near-universal contempt for his peers.

“Then again, I don't know why you hang out with anyone at all,” Koujaku commented, “You're always trying to put out that 'cool loner' vibe.”

“Well what's the point of being cool if no one ever sees you being cool?” Aoba asked with a grin.

Koujaku laughed, “You are such a brat!”

Aoba just smiled at him.

A few guys had hit on Koujaku, too, since that first incident with Takumi, and Koujaku had turned them down. But sometimes he wondered if he might say yes if a guy he actually liked to be around propositioned him. If it were Aoba, he might say yes...

He shook his head to clear it of that thought. No, that would be a terrible idea. Besides, Aoba gave every indication of being totally straight, and Koujaku was too. He just cared about Aoba so much that it was easy to get confused about where the line was – especially when he knew how very, very fucked up he was, even if he'd thus far done a good job of hiding his damage from everyone.

“But seriously,” Koujaku said, “I don't understand why you spend all your time with these people when you don't seem to even like them. I mean, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but it seems weird to me to hang out with people you don't like at all.”

“They aren't so bad,” Aoba said, “Yeah, a lot of them are idiots a lot of the time, but, y'know, we like to do the same stuff.”

'The same stuff' was mostly drinking and, Koujaku suspected, sometimes taking harder drugs... but he knew by now that lecturing Aoba on his behavior just made the younger teen pissy and likely to avoid him for a day or two. He shrugged, “If you say so.”

He steered the conversation to other topics that didn't run the risk of starting an argument, and the two of them talked easily until the delivery arrived. It wasn't Yuki delivering tonight, which Koujaku was mildly disappointed about, because she was really cute and friendly. Then again, probably best that a cute girl didn't come to his door when he was hanging out with Aoba. Aoba would get annoyed again.

“Aoba, food's here!” he called back toward the bedroom, “Come and sit at the table like a civilized person!”

“Can't we just eat in here?” Aoba asked, “Your table is awful.”

“Not as awful as crumbs in my bed!” Koujaku shot back, “If you want your food, you have to eat it in here.”

Aoba sighed very loudly, as though Koujaku was asking him to endure terrible hardship, but he came to the kitchen, Ren trotting along at his feet and Beni sitting on his shoulder.

“You're so fussy,” he grumbled.

“Maybe you should be a better house guest!” Beni scolded him, and took off in a flurry of feathers to sit on Koujaku's shoulder instead.

“It's not an unreasonable request,” Ren said, “Koujaku is the one who would have to sleep on them if you got crumbs in his bed, after all.”

“Geez, you guys are all ganging up on me. Why did I want you to get an Allmate again?” Aoba asked, as he sat down at the table across from Koujaku.

“Well, I'm glad for the backup,” Koujaku said brightly, “Let's eat!”

Koujaku had long since learned the difference between Aoba complaining because he was actually upset, and complaining because he found it fun to give Koujaku a little bit of a hard time. But Koujaku could give Aoba a hard time, too, and the two of them laughed their way through most of dinner. It was always good to see Aoba in a good mood. 

“So... how about that practice match?” Aoba asked, as Koujaku was finishing his food.

Koujaku nodded, "Alright. So how do we do this?"

Aoba grinned, and looked down at Ren, "Ren, set up a Rhyme field for us?"

"Understood," Ren said. For a moment, nothing seemed to happen, then Ren said, "Initiating."

The world went kind of...  _sideways_ , was the only way Koujaku could think of to describe it. It was strange and disorienting, between one blink and the next, his kitchen seemed to dissolve as the virtual reality took over his senses instead, sending new images to his brain. The Rhyme field was very basic, not the bizarre, hallucinatory things he had seen in other matches. He was grateful for that, as he'd probably end up sick to his stomach if it were more complex than the simple, blue room it resembled.

After a moment to orient himself, he saw that Beni was standing next to him in his online mode. The human shape wasn't tall, barely coming up to Koujaku's shoulders (even shorter than Aoba), but Beni didn't seem concerned by it.

"Pretty cool," Beni said, looking himself over with approval. 

Aoba was standing across from them, Ren's Rhyme mode next to him. Rhyme Ren was taller than Aoba by about a head, close to Koujaku's height, but Koujaku didn't think he had the time to measure.

"Let's get started," Aoba said, a slightly vicious-looking grin on his face, "Hope you put enough into defense! Ren, Jubilation Set!"

Shit, Aoba definitely wasn't pulling any punches. That was one of Ren's strongest attacks. Koujaku only just got out of the way as Ren moved forward, inhumanly fast.

“Beni, defense!” he yelled.

Beni weathered the attack pretty well, considering neither of them had been quite prepared for it. Though it looked like Ren hit him with considerable force, and the attack took almost a quarter of their health, Beni didn't flinch or make any signs of pain. But then, why would he? Beni was an AI, there would be no reason for him to be programmed with flinch reflexes.

After the attack, Ren jumped back, standing at the ready again, “Aoba, instructions?”

“What do I do, boss?” Beni asked.

Shit, what were the names of the attacks Beni could do? He'd read them all, but was drawing a blank right now. He'd never been good at thinking under pressure.

“Uh... Hope Set!” he said, finally remembering one. What did it do again?

A short sword materialized in Beni's hand, and he rushed at Ren and Aoba. Suddenly, Koujaku couldn't breathe, images flashing before his eyes of a blade in his hands, blood splattering across the floor and onto his hands. For a moment, he forgot that Rhyme couldn't do Aoba any physical harm, panic rising from the pit of his stomach through his chest to settle in his throat like bile. He opened his mouth to call Beni off, but Beni was already there -

Ren was blocking the attack. Aoba hadn't even moved. He didn't look scared. If anything, he looked bored.

“Come on, Koujaku, take this seriously,” he said. His face split into one of his most dangerous and frightening smiles, “Ren. Destruction and Death.”

“Understood,” Ren said.

“Defend and counter!” Koujaku yelled, but it didn't do much. Beni's defense might has well have been nonexistent as Ren's most powerful attack landed, neatly taking almost all of their remaining health. He was pretty sure that the only reason it hadn't knocked them out entirely was because Aoba was toying with him.

“Excuse me,” Ren said politely, before leaping out of the way of Beni's counterattack.

Koujaku actually laughed, despite himself. Okay, so Ren could be a little bit cute in this form, too. But he knew he was definitely beaten already. He didn't know what he was doing and despite promising to go easy on him, Aoba was way better than he was.  And he definitely couldn't keep this up  when the only move he remembered put him on the edge of a panic attack.

“I forfeit,” Koujaku said, “You win, Aoba.”

Aoba frowned at him, looking a little disappointed for a moment. Then he shrugged and said, “Fine. Ren, end it.”

And then Koujaku found himself back in his kitchen, sitting on the floor and panting hard from exertion, as though he really had been running and trying to dodge, instead of just sitting on his floor while in VR. He looked over at Aoba, who was picking himself up off the floor and grinning at him.

“That was fun, even if you did cut it short,” he said, “How'd you like it?”

To be honest, Koujaku didn't think it would be his thing even if he was more evenly matched with his opponent. But if it made Aoba happy, and would let him stick around and try to keep Aoba out of trouble, it wasn't that bad.

“I think I'll have more fun when I know what I'm doing better,” Koujaku said, “But I see the appeal.”

Aoba beamed at him, and Koujaku felt his chest clench. He would do anything for that smile. If he could just keep Aoba safe and happy, then maybe... maybe he wasn't so much of a monster after all. He looked away quickly, sure that his face was giving him away.

“Are headaches a usual side effect?” Koujaku asked, in the falsely casual tone he'd perfected over the past few weeks, the one that gave nothing of his inner turmoil away.

“They can be the first few times, especially if you aren't used to VR in general. Have you got one?”

“Not a bad one, but yeah,” Koujaku said, “I don't think I'm up for playing again for a little while.”

“Okay,” Aoba said, “We might as well go work on Beni's configuration anyway. He needs more varied moves if you're going to get anywhere.”

He offered Koujaku his hand. Koujaku took it, and let Aoba pull him to his feet. He kept holding it for a little while longer than perhaps was necessary, because Aoba glanced down at their joined hands and raised his eyebrow.

“Oh, sorry,” Koujaku said, letting go, “I was just remembering – when we were kids, we had that 'secret handshake,' do you remember that?”

Aoba laughed, “Yeah, I do. I can't believe I thought you were cool back then. You were always a hippo.”

“Hey, you said nostalgia is the only reason you hang out with me. I'm just doing my part,” Koujaku joked, tilting his head and giving Aoba his most charming smile.

Aoba rolled his eyes, “Knock it off with the stupid face. Come on.”

He turned on his heel and headed back towards Koujaku's room, but not before Koujaku saw him smiling. Koujaku smiled as well, following him. He would always follow Aoba.

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Your shift's over, Koujaku-kun, you can head home now.” 

“Already?” Koujaku looked up at the clock on the wall. It was indeed 4:30, to his surprise. “It didn't feel that late. Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, Nobu-san.”

He smiled at her, and she smiled back. Nobu Misaki and her husband had owned this corner store ever since Koujaku had lived here with his mother before, and they had hired him on Tae's recommendation. Misaki in particular was fond of him for being polite, reliable, and a hard worker. Koujaku was glad for that, since her husband wasn't nearly as friendly.

As he was leaving the store, Beni chirped, “Call from the Seragaki residence.”

“From the home phone?” Koujaku asked, pulling up his coil. That was weird. When Aoba bothered to call, he would always do it from his coil.

He answered the call, but the voice on the other end of the line wasn't Aoba, it was Tae.

“Have you seen Aoba at all?” she asked, clearly worried, “He hasn't been home in three days.”

“Not at all?” Koujaku asked, concerned. Aoba normally at least went home to get food, even if he did spend half his nights crashing at a friend's place. “I saw him yesterday. He came over to my apartment, and asked if I wanted to hang out, but I was about to go to work so I couldn't go with him.”

He left out the part where Aoba had gotten extremely pissed off at Koujaku turning him down and had stormed off in a huff. That would just worry Tae more.

“Well, that's a relief,” Tae said, “When you see him, tell him to come home.”

“I just got out of work, so I'll go look for him for you,” Koujaku promised. He was worried, too. Aoba did stupid, reckless things when he was angry, and he had already seemed angry yesterday even before Koujaku had apologetically said he had to go to work. What in the world had he been up to for _three days?_

Tae thanked him so profusely that it made Koujaku a little uncomfortable. She must have been scared to death about Aoba, even if she was trying to not show it, and Koujaku resolved that when he found Aoba, he was going to lecture him for worrying her like that, even if it made Aoba mad at him.

He hung up the phone and looked at Beni, “Has Aoba checked in anywhere with Ren recently?”

There was a brief pause as the Allmate connected to the internet, then Beni said, “His Rhyme record was updated this morning at 11:25. They won again. Of course.”

“Of course.” It wasn't much to go on to find where Aoba was now, though. With a sigh, he opened his coil and sent Aoba a quick mail. 'Just got out of work. Where are you?' He didn't expect to get a response. Aoba came looking for Koujaku when it suited him.

“Let's go and see if we can find them,” Koujaku said.

He started with Aoba's usual places to eat, on the theory that if Aoba hadn't been home for dinner in three days, then he would probably have gone to one of those places for a meal. When he didn't find him there, he started in on the usual places that Aoba and his friends would hang out. None of those panned out, either, but he did run into Ichiro, one of the few people in Aoba's social circle who wasn't actually a delinquent. Or at least, not as much of one as the others. Ichiro just seemed to enjoy drinking, although he was underage, and didn't go looking for trouble.

“Have you seen Aoba today?” Koujaku asked him, “I sent him a message but he hasn't responded to me.”

Ichiro looked uncomfortable, and actually set down his beer before answering. “I have. But I wouldn't go looking for him right now if I were you.”

“What? Why not?” Koujaku asked, “Is he angry at me?”

Had he triggered one of Aoba's temper tantrums? Fuck. As much as he cared about Aoba, even Koujaku had to admit that he could be a real  _brat_ a lot of the time.

“No. Well, I don't know, he might be, but that's not what I meant. I mean that _everyone_ should avoid him right now.”

“Why?” Koujaku asked, beginning to get annoyed.

“You know how Aoba can be... really scary sometimes? You haven't been around that long but you've seen him like that, right?”

Koujaku nodded slowly. He had seen that, but Aoba never stayed like that for very long. The scary attitude usually passed as soon as Ren said a calming word. At worst, he'd be in that mood until he found someone to get into a fistfight with, and someone was always available for that in the rough areas of the Old Resident District. Aoba's moods, good and bad, changed quickly.

“Yeah, you know,” Ichiro confirmed, “And everyone knows to avoid him when he's like that, unless they want to get their asses kicked. But there are these two guys – they look like twins but they swear they aren't, their names are Virus and Trip.”

“Rhyme names?” Koujaku asked.

Ichiro shrugged, “Dunno. I don't even know if they have Allmates, I've never seen them. Those're the only names they go by as far as I know. But, anyway, those two – they like it when Aoba's like that. They egg him on, and Aoba keeps doing more and more stuff and nothing calms him down until he just, kinda, burns himself out, I guess? Then he's back to normal for a while.”

These people were  _encouraging_ Aoba to be angry and violent? What the fuck was wrong with them? For a moment, Koujaku found himself getting mad at Ichiro, and the rest of Aoba's friends, for not getting him away from them. He quickly realized that was unreasonable, though. It was hard to get Aoba to do anything he didn't want to do.

“Any idea where they are?” Koujaku asked, determined. He didn't care if Aoba got mad at him, he had to find him and at least try to get him to go home.

“I'm serious, you don't want to go near him right now,” Ichiro warned, looking nervous.

“He hasn't been home in three days,” Koujaku said, “His grandmother called me in a panic because she was worried about him, I promised her I'd find him.”

Ichiro sighed heavily, picked his beer back up, and took a long drink from it. “Don't say I didn't warn you. Do you know where the movie theater is? I saw him about half an hour ago in the alley back behind it, but I fucked off real fast when I saw he had those two ghouls with him.”

“Thanks,” Koujaku said, and turned to leave. He didn't say anything about Ichiro's warning. He could handle Aoba. “Beni, directions to the movie theater, please?”

“Take the next right, then go 0.2 kilometers.”

“Thanks.”

He found the theater easily enough, and as he headed for the alley behind it, he heard the sounds of a scuffle. He broke into a run before his brain could catch up with his legs and rounded the corner. The first thing he saw was Aoba's vividly blue hair.  H e called out  to him.

“Aoba!”

Then he took in the rest of the scene. There was a guy on the ground at Aoba's feet, curled on on himself and trying to protect his abdomen, because Aoba was kicking him. Two other guys, both blonde and wearing hideous but fashionable clothing, were perched on old crates and watching. They were making no effort to stop Aoba from kicking the poor bastard on the ground. Aoba paused when he heard Koujaku call his name, and turned to look at him.

“Oh, so now you have some time for me?” Aoba asked, smiling.

He looked deranged.

“Who's this?” asked one of the two guys.

“What the hell are you doing?” Koujaku demanded, not acknowledging either question. 

“Oh, him?” Aoba asked, looking at the young man lying on the ground, “Teaching him why he should watch where he's going.” He kicked again, and his victim let out a ragged moan of pain.

Koujaku crossed the distance between them and grabbed Aoba by the  arm , pulling him back, “You don't keep hitting someone who's not fighting back! You could kill him!”

“Wouldn't that be interesting?” murmured one of the two observers.

“Let me go,” Aoba ordered, and he sounded so authoritative that Koujaku almost obeyed without thinking. He loosened his grip, then remembered himself and tightened it again. Aoba snarled at him, bearing his teeth like an angry dog.

Koujaku's heart was pounding in his ears. For the first time, he felt afraid of Aoba. He wasn't about to show it, though. If Aoba was this bad because those two were egging him on, then it was clearly Koujaku's duty to bring him back. “Whatever he did to upset you couldn't  _possibly_ be worth this response! Come on, let it go. Let's get you home, you'll feel better after a good night's sleep in your own bed, and your grandmother is worried -”

And  _that_ was exactly the wrong thing to say, because Aoba lashed out, punching Koujaku right in the face. Koujaku let go, staggering back, his hand coming to his nose. Fuck, he was bleeding. Had Aoba actually broken his nose?

“Fuck you! You're not my fucking keeper!” he screamed, “You just want me on a leash like _everyone else_ does! You only care about me when I act like the little kid you remember!”

“That's not true!” Koujaku said, his voice coming out strange, “I'm just -”

“Just _what?!”_ Aoba continued, his voice getting even louder, “Trying to make me be the way you want me to be? That's the only thing you've done since you got back!”

He swung his fist again, but this time Koujaku was anticipating the hit and caught it before it could connect. He knew how Aoba fought, having seen him in enough scuffles, and it was easy enough to twist Aoba around and pin his arms to his sides. Aoba squirmed and kicked, but Koujaku had a significant height and weight advantage on the younger teen. He lifted Aoba until his feet were off the ground, and Aoba made a sound of indignant rage.

“Put me down, you son of a bitch!”

“I'm trying to keep you from getting _killed_ , you lunatic!” Koujaku yelled back, “What the fuck do you think is going to happen when you pick fights with everyone all the time?! One of these days you're going to make the wrong person angry and get stabbed for it!”

Fuck, he needed to calm down. He was getting angry himself, and he knew what could happen if he lost control. He took a deep breath, and lowered Aoba back to the ground, “I  _do_ care about you. That's why I'm trying to stop you before you go too far.”

“It seems to me more like you want to limit Aoba,” said one of the two who had been watching, finally getting to his feet.

Koujaku glared at him, “It seems to me like this is none of your business and you should fuck off.”

“Rude,” said the other one, conversationally, “Aoba, is this your 'friend'? I would've expected that a friend of yours would want you to enjoy yourself.”

“Enjoying yourself doesn't mean beating the crap out of someone who can't defend himself!”

“Why not? That's at least interesting.”

“Interesting?!”

“All of you, shut up!” Aoba snapped.

He was breathing heavily, but seemed a bit calmer. After a long moment, Koujaku released him and took a step back. Aoba finally looked at him, his expression sulky. It was really far too normal-looking of a pout for what had just happened, but Koujaku thought that there might be a glimmer of respect in his eyes as well.

“I don't want to lose you to your own recklessness,” Koujaku said.

Aoba snorted derisively, “Look at you, trying to sound all cool with blood dripping down your stupid face.”

“And whose fault is that?” Koujaku asked, and managed to crack a smile. Honestly, he'd already forgiven Aoba for the bloody nose. He knew he'd forgive Aoba for a lot worse than that, too.

“I'm not going to apologize,” Aoba grumbled.

Koujaku hadn't expected him to. He bent down and offered his hand to the guy Aoba had been kicking, who had uncurled a bit, apparently watching the unfolding drama.

“Can you stand?” Koujaku asked, “Let me help you.”

The guy took his hand and Koujaku pulled him to his feet. He was tall and lanky, with a very angular face that might be handsome underneath the purpling bruises. He might need to see a doctor.

“Come on,” he said, putting his arm around his shoulders and supporting the guy as they left the alley. He looked back to see Aoba watching them go, his face blank. Virus and Trip – it occurred to Koujaku that he didn't know which was which – were hovering behind him. Koujaku shuddered. No fucking wonder that Ichiro hadn't wanted to risk being around them.

“I'll be back as soon as I've gotten this guy home,” Koujaku promised, “Please don't disappear on me again.”

Aoba rolled his eyes, “Don't tell me what to do.”

Koujaku would have argued, but there was an injured man hanging off his shoulders and he was probably a bigger priority than Aoba right now. He sighed, and looked down at the battered guy.

“Do you think you need a doctor?” Koujaku asked, “I can take you to the hospital.”

He shook his head, “No, just... I'd rather go home.”

“Okay, just tell me where,” Koujaku said.

“Thank you.”

Somehow being thanked for this made Koujaku feel terrible. He wasn't the one who had beaten the guy up, but he still felt responsible. He had been trying for two months now to keep Aoba safe, and had completely failed to see that people needed to be kept safe from  _Aoba_ . The warning signs had been there, but Koujaku hadn't seen them... he couldn't afford that.

“What's your name?” Koujaku asked.

“Hagima. Yours?”

“Koujaku. I'm sorry.”

“What are _you_ sorry for? You stopped that psycho,” Hagima said.

Koujaku wanted to protest him calling Aoba that, but couldn't, “He – he's my friend, but I never realized – I knew he liked to pick fights with people, but I never thought he'd – I've never seen him just continue hitting someone who's beaten already.”

He  realized he was babbling  and shut his mouth  with a snap . He couldn't make any excuses for Aoba's behavior, could he?  There was nothing to justify what Aoba had just done.  And yet...

That whole horrifying scene had not changed how he felt about Aoba at all. He had a feeling that it probably should have, but he still wanted to be close to Aoba, still wanted him to be safe and happy, still wanted to hold his hand like they used to when they were children. If Aoba was broken, Koujaku wanted to fix him.

“Oh,” Koujaku said out loud, as realization dawned on him. If... if he could see something like that and not have his feelings change, then didn't that mean he loved Aoba? It had to. There was nothing else it could mean. And it wasn't a new feeling, either, was it? He so often found himself looking at Aoba, thinking he was beautiful, wanting to be close to him, even when Aoba was angry and hurling insults. Aoba had just _punched him in the face,_ and Koujaku still wanted nothing more than to be at his side.

Yeah, he was in trouble.

“How does someone like you end up friends with someone like that?” Hagima asked.

“We were kids together,” Koujaku answered. He took a deep breath and said, “I won't make excuses for him. I know he's out of control these days, but... he's still my important friend. I can't abandon him.”

If he were to abandon Aoba, he would have nothing left to live for, and he knew it. Even if Aoba was nothing like the innocent child Koujaku remembered anymore, Aoba was all that kept him going. He would take care of Aoba, whether or not Aoba welcomed it.

He kept quiet, deep in thought as he walked. Hagima didn't seem to be too talkative either, mostly just giving instructions on how to get to his house. When they reached the place, Koujaku handed Hagima off to his sister – she was cute, but his mind was such a chaotic swirl of thoughts right now he barely even noticed – and took his phone number. 

“Thanks again,” Hagima said, “I... be careful around that guy, okay? I know he's important to you, but who knows when he'll decide he needs a punching bag again?”

Koujaku frowned, wanting to say that Aoba wouldn't do that to him, but unable to. He didn't  _think_ that Aoba might decide to start beating the crap out of him, but he couldn't be  _sure,_ and that unsettled him. But he was still older, taller, and stronger than Aoba, so if Aoba did try to do something like that then Koujaku could defend himself.

“I'll be fine,” Koujaku assured him.

Or if not fine, he'd at least be much closer to it with Aoba than he would be if he stayed away.

“Bye,” he said, leaving with a careless wave. He was, after all, quite practiced by now at pretending he was all right.

It was as he was walking back to the theater that his coil beeped.

“Message from Aoba,” Beni said.

Koujaku stopped in his tracks, barely taking the time to step to the side of the main walking path, and opened his coil to read it.

_ _I'm at home, so your mission for Granny is complete. Asshole._ _

Despite everything, Koujaku grinned as he read it. Good. He hoped that meant that Aoba had snapped out of his terrifying bad mood. He'd hate for Tae to see him like that. Then again, she had probably already known about it. If this was a regular enough occurrence for Aoba's friends to know to avoid him, then Tae had probably seen it happen before.

He frowned, “Did he actually go home, or do you think he's just lying to get me off his case?” Koujaku asked Beni.

The little bird lifted his wings in a manner resembling a shrug, “I don't know. Maybe call Tae-san and ask?”

“If I go and check up on him, will he be mad?” Koujaku asked, mostly to himself.

“Probably,” Beni said, “I don't think he's _stopped_ being mad yet.”

That was most likely true, but Koujaku wanted to see him anyway. Even if it made Aoba mad, Koujaku wanted to make sure he really was safely at home, not out finding someone else to torment. He  wanted – no, he  _needed_ _–_ to see Aoba acting like himself.

But what if the way Aoba acted around Koujaku wasn't acting like himself? His eyes had been forcefully opened just now, and he couldn't see Aoba's behavior as normal teenage rebellion anymore. Nothing about it was normal, and a wiser man would put some serious physical and emotional distance between himself and Aoba.

Koujaku wasn't wise. He would stay by Aoba's side, as close as Aoba would let him stay. He loved Aoba too much to leave him. 

“I love him,” Koujaku said quietly. It was freeing to voice the words aloud, since he already knew there was no way he'd ever say them to Aoba. Aoba needed a friend far more than he needed a romantic relationship, and there was no way he would return Koujaku's feelings. And even if by some miracle Aoba could ever feel the same way, he deserved better than a monster...

“Beni, is that crazy? I just realized it now, because he punched me in the face...”

Beni said nothing, and though the mechanical face didn't have a full range of expressions, Koujaku still got the distinct impression that Beni was looking at him with concern. 

“He punched me in the face and it didn't change how I feel about him. That must be love, right?”

“I don't know. It might be. I'm not programmed to give advice on that sort of thing,” Beni said, “But I think it would go bad if you tried to confess right now.”

Koujaku shook his head, “I'm not going to. Ever.”

Beni tilted his head curiously, “Why not?”

“I know I'm messed up, but I'm rational enough to know that the two of us together would be...” A mess? That didn't seem like a strong enough word, but 'disaster' was too strong. “... A bad idea. And besides that, I have no reason to think he loves me back. If I told him, it would just put more of a strain on our friendship. It's strained enough just from me trying to keep him out of trouble.”

He wanted what was best for Aoba, and he knew for sure that wasn't him. He would stay his loyal friend, there to catch him and pull him back before he went too far.

“I see,” Beni said, “Okay. I may not get it, but it's my job to support you whatever you decide!”

Koujaku smiled down at the little bird. It was nice to know that he did have someone to support him, even if that someone was just a little robot bird following his programming. He could safely tell Beni his secrets without fear of judgment.

Even knowing that, he wasn't at all ready to tell Beni about his past. He probably would, eventually. Maybe the next time he woke screaming from night terrors, convinced that his teeth and nails were too sharp. It had only happened once so far, but the only restful nights he'd had were nights when someone was sleeping beside him. Not all of his dates spent the night, but for the ones that did, he was very grateful.

“Are you going to keep going out on dates with girls?” Beni asked, “If you're in love with someone else...”

“Yeah,” Koujaku said, “I like women, I like making them happy. I won't take advantage of any woman who wants more from me than I can give.”

He was always very clear with his dates about what he was offering, and as long as they both understood each other, there was nothing dishonest about it. It hadn't been a problem, none of them had been looking for anything more than a romantic evening with a charming, handsome man who would treat them like a princess, and never push if they were uncomfortable. He was already getting a reputation with Midorijima's single ladies, and he genuinely didn't mind that.

“That makes sense,” Beni said, “If it's not hurting anyone and it makes you happy...”

Happy? He supposed it did make him happy to make women happy, but he hadn't really thought about that aspect of it much. His happiness wasn't the important thing.

“I'll just stop in for a few minutes and make sure he really did go home. Maybe I'll get Tae to check and make sure my nose isn't actually broken.”

“It probably isn't, but better check anyway,” Beni said. He fluttered down from Koujaku's shoulder and perched a little awkwardly on the edge of Koujaku's bag. He stuck his head into the gap and after a moment, withdrew Koujaku's handkerchief. “Clean yourself up, you're gonna scare people like that.”

“Thanks, Beni.”

His nose had stopped bleeding, and he cleaned his face as best as he could with only a dry handkerchief. He must have still been a mess, though, because when he reached the Seragaki residence and Tae opened the door for him, she took a  half- step back in shock.

“What happened?” she asked.

“I got punched,” Koujaku said, not offering any details about who had punched him or why, “Can you make sure my nose isn't broken?”

Tae let out a very heavy sigh, “Come in.”

She opened the door wider and let him in, and Koujaku stepped inside with as charming a smile as he could manage under the circumstances.

“Was it Aoba that punched you?” Tae asked.

“What makes you think that?” 

“Because he came home half an hour ago and was ranting about you the whole way up the stairs to lock himself in his room,” Tae said.

Koujaku could only imagine what Aoba had been saying about him. Still, at least he was home.

“It was kind of my own fault,” Koujaku said, “I've seen him punch people when he's in a bad mood before, I don't know why I didn't expect he might try to punch me. But I calmed him down and told him you were worried, so...”

“Thank you. I'm sorry it worked out like that, but thank you for finding him,” Tae said, “Come on, into the kitchen, let me look at your nose.”

It was only when he was seated and Tae was leaning in close to his face that he realized that she might see his tattoo while examining him. He was so careful about keeping it hidden, he was pretty sure that not even Aoba had noticed it yet, and he spent more time with Aoba than anyone else. Still, if he were to change his mind about having Tae look at him now, that would probably make her  much more suspicious than if she saw the tattoo, so he held still and hoped she wouldn't notice – or at least, that if she did, she wouldn't say anything.

She took his chin in her hand and turned his face this way and that, then touched his nose. After a moment, she let go of him, and leaned back.

“I don't think it's broken,” she said, “It looks like he got you more to the side than straight on.”

If she had noticed the tattoo, she didn't show it. Koujaku breathed a sigh of relief.

“That's good. Thanks.”

“And Koujaku?” she added, “Don't make excuses for Aoba. It's not _your_ fault that he's violent.” 

She sighed heavily, and sank into the chair next to him, “I don't know what to do at all, he's completely out of control and no matter what I try, he won't listen to me anymore. That it's my own fault doesn't make it any easier to bear.”

“It's not your fault!” Koujaku protested, but Tae cut him off with a dismissive gesture.

“No, it is. Maybe not entirely mine,” Tae said, “Haruka and Naine leaving him behind certainly didn't do him any favors, but I didn't help either. It's hard, to know exactly what mistakes I made, and not have the slightest idea what to do to fix them now.”

Koujaku didn't say anything. He understood that feeling all too well. His sins went far beyond mere 'mistakes', but he didn't know how to atone for them, or if it was even possible. He knew that being kind to women wasn't ever going to undo what he had done, but it was better than doing nothing.

Tae sighed, “I'm sorry. It seems like every time I talk to you all I do is complain about Aoba... I am very grateful for everything you've done in the past couple of months. He may not listen to me anymore, but he respects you.”

“That's news to me,” Koujaku said, shaking his head. With a sigh, he rose from his chair, “Thank you. I'll head home now.”

Tae bid him farewell, and Koujaku was standing in the genkan when he heard something coming down the stairs. It was a strange sound, and when he turned around he saw Ren sitting at the foot of the stairs.

Ren tilted his head, looking cute as ever, and said, “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” Koujaku said automatically. He paused, “Um... for what?”

“For stopping Aoba before he went too far.”

Koujaku didn't have the slightest idea what to say to that, so he just nodded politely and turned to go.

He had a lot to think about.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beni has a hard job, poor little guy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thanks to Quetzalpapalotl for the new and much better title!
> 
> This is a half-chapter from Aoba's POV, and this is where the fic earns that Explicit rating.

Aoba watched Koujaku go, supporting Aoba's former opponent as they walked. He ground his teeth in annoyance. It wasn't even like he wanted to continue kicking the guy – it had been starting to get boring even before Koujaku had arrived. But getting stopped before _he_ had decided he was done was infuriating, and the fact that Koujaku had been able to stop him so easily was even more so.

“Aoba?” Trip said, sounding cheerful.

“What?” Aoba snapped, annoyed at him, although he wasn't exactly sure why.

“What would you like to do now that your 'friend' has spoiled your fun?” Virus asked.

Aoba glared at him, not liking the mocking way Virus said the word 'friend' one bit. Koujaku was a prick, and a complete stick in the mud, but at least he actually _cared..._

Aoba sighed heavily. All of a sudden, he was feeling very drained and tired. He hadn't slept in two days. None of the things he would normally do with Virus and Trip seemed fun right now.

“I'm going home,” he said.

“But, Aoba -”

“Fuck off,” Aoba snapped. He adjusted his bag on his shoulder and began to walk away.

“I never thought you'd let someone else control you so easily,” Virus said.

Koujaku wasn't "controlling" him. No one could control him, and he knew damn good and well that Virus was trying to manipulate him right now.

“I _said_ I'm going home, and you can fuck off. It's not fun anymore. Go away.” He didn't wait for a response as he continued to walk away. If they had a problem, they could just suck it up. By now they should know that when he was done, he was done.

He opened his bag and Ren's head poked out. The Allmate was looking up at him with an expression that made him feel guilty. Ren was good at that, and Aoba scowled.

“Don't even start,” he said sharply.

“I don't need to,” Ren replied, “Koujaku did my job for me this time.”

“Oh, screw you!” Aoba snapped, and pushed Ren's head back down into the bag. A conscience outside of his own head was so much harder to ignore. And Koujaku as well... how the fuck was he ever supposed to have any fun anymore?!

“You haven't slept for thirty-nine hours, Aoba,” Ren said, his voice muffled by the bag, “He was right that you should get a good night's sleep.”

“I don't care that he's right!” Aoba said. He already knew it, anyway, “I'm going home because _I_ want to, not because Koujaku told me too. Or you, for that matter!”

Ren didn't say anything, merely poking his head out of the bag again as soon as Aoba removed his hand. Aoba could turn him off, but he didn't really want to. Much like with Koujaku, even when Ren annoyed him, he preferred having the company.

“You're both so annoying,” Aoba muttered, “Especially Koujaku. He thinks he's so cool, with his stupid face acting all charming all the time.”

“Lots of people do seem to find Koujaku cool,” Ren said.

“Well they're wrong. He's just a stupid hippo,” Aoba said. He made a fist with one hand and smacked it into his palm, “I just want to punch him.”

“Are you certain that punching him is what you really want to do?” Ren asked “Koujaku cares about you very much and tries to keep you safe. I don't think that deserves a punch.”

Aoba shot his Allmate a brief glare. He'd already punched Koujaku once and didn't need Ren trying to guilt him over it. The way Koujaku had caught him and restrained him so easily when he'd thrown the second punch... “He makes me so mad... he totally deserves a punch.”

“Your heart rate has increased in a manner consistent with arousal. I believe you are mistaking it for aggression.”

He wasn't mistaking anything. He wanted to try punching Koujaku again, see if he could make him angry. Maybe even angry enough to grab him and slam him up against a wall...

Aoba snorted, “I can want more than one thing at a time.”

He wanted to fight Koujaku, and he wanted to fuck him, and those two urges weren't at all separate. He wanted rough, aggressive sex that he would feel the next day. Koujaku had gotten mad at him for just a second, then he'd gotten himself back under control.

Aoba wanted to see him lose control. He wanted to _feel_ it, Koujaku overpowering him. He'd be strong enough, physically, to do it. He was bigger and stronger than Aoba, and if he let himself do it, he could do it so easily...

Well, not easily, Aoba thought, biting his lip. It wouldn't be as much fun if he didn't make Koujaku work for it. 

“Idiot,” Aoba muttered under his breath, “But... he's _my_ idiot.”

“Is he?” Ren asked.

Aoba frowned, but didn't say anything. Maybe Koujaku wasn't exactly his, but that would hardly stop him from fantasizing. He knew what he wanted now, and he would find a way to get it. Koujaku would be his eventually.

Of course, that didn't stop Aoba from muttering insults aimed at Koujaku under his breath for the rest of the walk home. Just because he wanted to fuck the guy didn't mean that he wasn't _also_ an interfering asshole, after all. 

An interfering asshole who was happy to tell his grandmother what he'd been up to. It wouldn't stop him, of course, but he didn't like the idea she could find out things he didn't want her to know by asking Koujaku.

“It's none of her goddamn business,” he growled, “I do what I want!”

He reached the front door, unlocked it, and threw it open with a slam, mostly because he knew it would probably startle his grandmother, and he wanted her to know he was pissed about her turning his friend into a babysitter. He kicked off his shoes as well, as Granny came out of the living room.

“Aoba, where have you been?!” she cried.

“None of your business!” Aoba snapped, “And it's none of Koujaku's, either!”

He didn't listen to her response, stepping around her and hurrying up the stairs to his room. Now that he was home, all he wanted was to be in his bed. He was tired, but he still felt too tightly wound to sleep just yet.

With a sigh, he opened his coil and sent Koujaku a quick message, otherwise the idiot would just continue to look for him for hours. (Which was a funny idea, but if he was going to get back at Koujaku for this, he wanted to do it more directly.)

He dropped his bag on the ground, and Ren climbed out of it and went to lay down on his pillow to charge.

Aoba flopped onto his bed with a sigh, more relieved than he wanted to admit to be there. Koujaku had been right, but that didn't mean Aoba had to like it. No one told him what to do! _He_ told _other people_ what to do, and they listened to him if they knew what was good for them.

“Hippo,” Aoba growled, “I hate him and his stupid fucking face.”

He knew that was a lie. Koujaku had the most obnoxiously pretty face Aoba had ever seen, even when he was grinning in that annoying fake way he put on for girls. Aoba had thought about wiping that smile off his face more than once, and probably only hadn't done it because he couldn't decide whether his method should be punching or kissing.

Or both. Both seemed like a fun option. He'd never seen Koujaku get mad before today, and that had been barely more than irritation, _after_ Aoba had already punched him. Koujaku was always so poised and in control of himself, which was probably why he could do that fake grin so easily. What would it be like to see Koujaku really, truly lose control?

Aoba bit his lip to stifle a groan at the thought. That would be so hot, if Koujaku just slammed him against the wall. It was hard to imagine him really doing that, though. Even if Koujaku were into guys, which Aoba wasn't sure about, there was no way he'd be so forceful. But it was still sexy to think about, being pinned between Koujaku and something hard and unyielding.

He was still tired, but there was no way he was getting to sleep like this. He unbuttoned his pants and shoved them off, still thinking about Koujaku lifting him off the ground before, the way he'd restrained Aoba like it was nothing. Apparently Aoba had a kink for that kind of strength, and he hadn't known until just now.

He was learning a lot about himself today, he thought, almost laughing. Not that he found Koujaku attractive – he'd known that for a while – but that his desires were so strong and so specific. He'd never really wanted a guy before now, at least not so strongly. He'd been vaguely interested when his friends had propositioned him before, but never enough for it to seem like it was worth the trouble.

But Koujaku... fuck, _Koujaku_ was a different story. He'd never wanted someone to _wreck_ him before. He laid back on his bed, imagining Koujaku above him, holding him down, restraining him, _forcing_ him to submit. He imagined how Koujaku might look at him, no fake grin on his face, his eyes hot with anger, with lust...

Aoba moaned, pulling down his underwear and taking hold of his cock. His hand was smaller than Koujaku's was, but it was good enough for his imagination and he jerked himself roughly, imagining Koujaku holding him down. He'd fight and squirm, but Koujaku would be too strong for him, and push him back down... maybe he'd bite Aoba's neck, leaving hickeys, and say filthy things in his ear -

Unfortunately, that was where Aoba couldn't imagine it quite right. Even in his fantasies, he couldn't picture Koujaku saying anything in bed that wasn't sappy and romantic. That hippo was probably the rose petals and candlelight kind of guy, at least with the girls he fucked.

And _that_ thought was a mood-killer, so he pushed it away, along with the thoughts of how unlikely it was that Koujaku would actually do it, and thought about how to get Koujaku angry at him. Angry enough to put him in his place...

Would Koujaku tease him? Make him desperate enough to beg? Or would it be better if he just fucked him hard and fast, rough and sloppy, the kind of painful sex that Aoba would be feeling for days afterward? Aoba couldn't decide which he wanted more, but either way, he _wanted_ it.

Maybe Koujaku would tease him, but Aoba didn't have the patience to draw it out for that long. He licked his index finger, getting it wet, and then reached back to start playing with his hole. He wasn't quite flexible enough to get his finger in very far, but it was enough to feel good – especially when he thought about Koujaku's hands, how long and graceful his fingers were, despite the scars on his knuckles.

“Nnngh, fuck,” he breathed, turning his head to muffle his voice in his pillow, “Koujaku...”

He came like that, hand on his cock and a finger in his ass, Koujaku's name on his lips. After a few moments enjoying the blissfully blank feeling that came from a good orgasm, he rolled over and cleaned himself off with a tissue from the box on his nightstand. 

Fuck, that had been better than some of the actual sex he'd had. He smiled to himself as he got underneath his blankets, fatigue setting in now. He hadn't slept in a long time, and now he was relaxed enough for it.

'I'm going to make him mine,' Aoba thought, settling back against his pillow. Koujaku probably wouldn't be as rough in real life as he was in Aoba's fantasies, at least not without encouragement, but that hardly mattered. He was probably the type of person who would want to cuddle after sex, and he'd pull Aoba close and kiss him gently and -

Aoba shook his head, suddenly embarrassed at himself. He didn't need that kind of sappy bullshit. But, well... maybe he wanted it a little bit.

It wasn't like anyone had to know that part.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how long it took to get this out, I've had a busy couple of months IRL. I didn't want to just post the half-chapter by itself, so I sat on it until I also had a regular length chapter done. Expect the regular chapter tomorrow!


	6. Chapter 6

Realizing that he was in love with Aoba didn't actually change much. Koujaku had thought it would, but all it did was give him context for the thoughts he already had. He'd already thought that Aoba was beautiful, wanted to hold Aoba's hand, wanted to keep Aoba safe, and wanted to spend time with Aoba whenever he could. Learning that he felt these things because he was in love hadn't changed the feelings themselves.

In retrospect, it was pretty damn obvious. Aoba had been the center of his world from the moment he'd set foot back on the island. 

Still, it made very little difference in his day-to-day life. He tried to walk the tightrope of keeping Aoba out of trouble without making him angry enough to avoid him for days, and for the past few weeks, he had mostly been succeeding. While Aoba called him a killjoy (and many ruder things) almost constantly, he never actually got upset enough to simply walk away, and got noticeably pissy about it when Koujaku had other plans than hanging out, especially if they were dates.

Being friends with Aoba was sort of like befriending a feral cat, Koujaku thought. You couldn't crowd him.  Pretty much all of their interactions had to be on Aoba's terms.

But letting Aoba have his way on things most of the time had its downsides, as Koujaku realized one night when he woke up to the sound of something pounding on the front door. The noise woke him from a dead sleep, and it took him a few seconds to realize what he was hearing. He reached for his coil and checked the clock. 3:15 AM. Who on earth would be pounding on his door at this hour?

He got to his feet and grabbed his bathrobe from the floor – even half asleep, he wanted to be covered so that no one might see his tattoos. He staggered blearily to the door and tried to look through the peephole, but it was too dark for him to tell who was outside.

Then the pounding stopped for a moment, and he could hear Aoba yelling.

“I know you're home! Open the doooooor~!” Aoba wailed, “Koujakuuuu~! Let me iiiinnnn~!”

Koujaku fumbled with the lock and opened the door to see Aoba standing in front of it, a mostly empty bottle in one hand and the other raised in a fist to pound on the door again. He _reeked_ of alcohol.

Aoba grinned at him, “Good, you're awake.”

Even with Aoba, Koujaku had some limits to his patience, “What the fuck are you doing? It's the middle of the night!”

Aoba blinked owlishly at him, and Koujaku reached out to pull him inside. “Get in here, you're going to wake up all my neighbors, if you haven't already!”

Aoba let himself be pulled, and he actually laughed as he staggered into Koujaku's chest. “You're grumpy. Have a drink!” He held up the bottle toward Koujaku's face.

“No thank you,” Koujaku said, and tried to steer Aoba toward the couch. He hadn't often seen Aoba this drunk. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

“Bed,” Aoba said firmly, not letting himself be steered and instead moving towards Koujaku's bedroom.

“Wait, what?” Koujaku asked.

“I wanna sleep and I don't want Granny to bitch at me for coming home late. I'm stealing your bed.”

Koujaku followed Aoba, feeling a little bit dazed, and very confused. “Wait, you can't -”

Aoba ignored him, pushed open Koujaku's bedroom door, and flopped onto the bed like a sack of wet laundry. He was still holding the mostly-empty bottle, and spilled some of it on the bed as he landed.

“Aoba!” Koujaku protested.

“Your bed smells good,” Aoba said, not lifting his head so that his voice came out muffled.

“Stop that! It's going to smell like cheap liquor!” Koujaku snapped, reaching for the bottle, but Aoba had a grip like a vise on it.

“I thought it'd smell like cheap perfume, since you fuck so many girls in it,” Aoba continued, as though he didn't even notice Koujaku trying to take the bottle.

Koujaku pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on, “Aoba, you're not sleeping in my bed like that. Get up.”

Aoba sat up, fixing Koujaku with a glare, but he did at least let Koujaku take the bottle from him and put it safely on the window ledge. Well, that was one problem down. Many more to go.

“How much have you had to drink tonight?” Koujaku asked.

Aoba shrugged.

Koujaku sighed, “Have you eaten any food? Had any water?”

Aoba shook his head.

“I'm not letting you sleep here until you at _least_ have some water,” Koujaku said. He looked Aoba up and down and suddenly realized that the drunk teen hadn't even taken off his shoes at the door before staggering through the apartment to Koujaku's bed, “And for god's sake, take your shoes off! Were you raised in a barn or something?!”

“Oh, fuck off, you're worse than Granny,” Aoba said.

And Aoba was a drunken slob. Koujaku took a deep breath, since he knew that yelling at him would accomplish exactly nothing, and even when he was being this obnoxious, Koujaku  would never just throw Aoba out of his apartment in the middle of the night.

“And you're acting like an idiot,” Koujaku said, keeping his voice calm, “You need to have some water or you're going to have an awful hangover tomorrow. And just because you know I'll let you stay here doesn't mean you can act like you own the place. I'm the one paying rent, remember?”

Aoba glowered at him, and very sullenly kicked his shoes off. “I hate your face.”

It was such a childish insult that Koujaku snorted, bringing his hand to his mouth to hide his sudden smile. The whole situation was completely fucking ridiculous. _This_ drunken brat was the person he was in love with?

“Don't laugh, I mean it!” Aoba said, pointing at Koujaku with a wavering finger, “I hate your stupid face!  You come home with a big-ass obvious scar right across your nose and somehow you're still the hottest guy around?! That's un-fucking-fair! Big obvious scars are supposed to be disfiguring, but no, not on Mister Perfect-Face! Fuck off!"

“Aoba, you are really drunk,” Koujaku said calmly, although it still took a bit of an effort to keep from laughing at the sheer absurdity of Aoba's drunken rant, “Let me get you some water.”

“What part of 'fuck off' is so hard for you to understand?!” Aoba yelled, “Your face pisses me off! Go away!”

“You're in _my_ apartment, and _my_ bed.” But logic wasn't going to have any effect on Aoba when he was this drunk, so Koujaku decided to try bartering instead. “I'll go away if you will drink a glass of water.”

Aoba pouted. “Fine, stupid face.”

“Just lie down, you drunken brat. I'll get you some water,” said, giving Aoba's shoulder a soft pat. 

“You're no fun.”

“That's right, I'm a mean old man whose only joy in life is keeping you sober.”

“I knew it,” Aoba said, pointing at Koujaku again and nearly hitting him in the eye with his finger, “Fucking asshole. With a stupid pretty face.”

Koujaku snorted. Somehow, the drunken insults were only making him feel more affectionate towards Aoba. He really had it bad, didn't he? But Aoba did like his company, whatever he might say. If he didn't, he wouldn't be coming to Koujaku's house in the middle of the night like this. “Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment.”

“It's not,” Aoba paused, suddenly looking thoughtful, “I think. I'm kind of drunk.”

“You're way beyond 'kind of' at this point, Aoba. You're _very_ drunk.”

“'kay. Your face is still stupid.”

“Duly noted. I'll be right back with some water.”

Koujaku hurried to the kitchen to get a glass of water, worried that Aoba would just grab the bottle again as soon as he left the room. When he got back, however, the bottle was undisturbed and Aoba was laying on the bed, holding his pillow. He blinked sleepily at Koujaku.

“Here you go, Aoba,” Koujaku said, holding the glass out to him.

“I lied,” Aoba said, not raising his head from the pillow, “I like your face. But you're so pretty it makes me mad.”

_I love you,_ Koujaku thought, but he didn't say it. He'd had more than a few moments like this, when he wanted to say the words out loud, but he'd always bitten his tongue. It was tempting to say it now, though, when Aoba probably wouldn't remember in the morning. 

He sighed, and shook his head to clear the thought away. “Sit up for a minute and drink some water.”

“Okay,” Aoba said, sitting up and taking the glass from Koujaku. He looked around curiously. “Hey... where's my bag?”

Koujaku looked as well. He didn't see it in the room.

“Shit, I left it on your doorstep!” Aoba said, starting to get to his feet. Koujaku put a hand out to stop him.

“You stay there and drink that water, I'll go get your bag,” he said calmly.

“But Ren's in it!” Aoba protested.

“I'm sure Ren is just fine, let me go get it for you. Drink,” he ordered, and headed back to the front door, a hand over his mouth as he tried to hide an enormous yawn. Why couldn't Aoba have shown up at a more civilized hour?

Aoba's bag was indeed sitting on Koujaku's doorstep. He picked it up and quickly checked it. Ren was inside, curled up in sleep mode. Koujaku pulled him out of the bag and tapped his forehead to wake him. Ren's eyes opened with the soft mechanical noise, and he said, “Koujaku? Where is Aoba?”

“On my bed, very very drunk,” Koujaku answered, “He's fine, I'm just trying to get him to have some water before he sleeps.”

“There are energy bars in the bag, try to have him eat one of those as well,” said Ren, “I do not believe he's had dinner.”

Koujaku nodded in agreement before he once again stepped into his room, “Here, Aoba, I've got Ren and your bag.”

He handed Ren to Aoba, who held him like a kid might hug a stuffed toy, and for a moment, Koujaku felt irrationally jealous of a machine. It was ridiculous, but he wished Aoba would hug him like that. He shook his head, and reached into Aoba's bag for one of the energy bars Ren had mentioned.

“Now you are going to eat this, you are going to drink the rest of that water, and then you are going to lie down and go to sleep,” Koujaku said firmly.

Aoba snorted, “Bossy.”

“If you don't do what he says, your hangover is going to be very unpleasant tomorrow,” Ren said.

“You're bossy too,” said Aoba, but he ate the energy bar without any more protest. By the time he'd finished that and the glass of water, he was yawning widely and finally laid back on the bed without a fuss. He was a lot cuter like that, sleepy and for once quiet.

“Goodnight, Aoba,” said Koujaku, wanting to give him a kiss.

“G'night.”

By the time Koujaku got his spare futon out of the closet, Aoba was snoring. He laid it out on the floor next to the bed with a heavy sigh. Good thing he was working the afternoon shift tomorrow, he was going to be very tired in the morning.

“You should have made Aoba take the futon,” Ren said conversationally.

“It wouldn't have been worth the headache,” Koujaku said, “At least he's sleeping it off somewhere safe. I'll call Tae in the morning and let her know he stayed here so she won't worry.”

“Thank you,” said Ren, his tone solemn, “I know that Aoba can be very difficult for most people to handle. I'm grateful that there's someone other than just me and Tae who will help take care of him.”

“Of course I'll take care of him,” Koujaku answered. “He may be a brat sometimes, but he's still my important friend.”

“That's true, but I'm still grateful for your help. You're not obligated to do it, but you still do it anyway. Aoba would never admit it, but I think it helps him to know that there's someone who cares about him with no obligations.”

Koujaku didn't know how to respond to that. Caring for Aoba didn't feel like an obligation, more like... a necessity. If he could just keep his one most precious person safe, then maybe someday he could make up for what he'd done... “I _want_ to take care of him.”

“And I think he knows that. There is no one else who takes care of Aoba just because it's what they want to do. Tae is his grandmother, and she had to take care of Aoba once his parents left. I believe Aoba thinks she resents it. And I... the only reason I exist at all is to care for Aoba. I want to care for him, too, and I think I would want to even if it weren't my primary purpose, but I don't know that for sure.”

“I never expected an Allmate to be so philosophical,” Koujaku said.

“My job is to think things through for Aoba,” Ren replied, his tail wagging, “So I've considered my position a lot. I think about very few things that don't relate to Aoba in some way.”

Koujaku smiled. He felt the same, but it was probably different for him than it was for Ren. Ren was a machine programmed to want to care only for his master. He didn't need to worry about anything else.

“It must be hard,” said Koujaku, “You're programmed to take care of him, but you can't make him take care of himself...”

“I used to be able to, but that was a long time ago.”

“How long have you been with him?” Koujaku asked. Ren was an old model, everyone commented on that, but he didn't know exactly how long Aoba had had him for.

“Always.”

Okay, that was a vague answer, but it made sense from Ren's point of view. Ever since he'd first been turned on, probably. “I meant how many years?”

“In this form, only three. But I've always been with Aoba.”

Form...? Koujaku tried to figure out what Ren meant and yawned widely. It was probably almost 4 am by now, and he was exhausted. “Sorry, I'm tired and my brain's not exactly running smoothly. Do you mean your rhyme form?”

“No. It's difficult to explain, but... there was a 'me' before this machine was turned on. I remember Aoba's childhood, because I remember _being_ Aoba. I'm not certain exactly how to describe it, but I was – I think I still am – a piece of Aoba.”

Koujaku considered this. He wasn't sure he understood, and if he did understand, he didn't know what it meant. Was it even important? He had already learned that he didn't really know Aoba anymore, and this was just another thing he didn't know.

“Okay,” he finally said, feeling the silence grow long. “Does Aoba know?”

“Yes, but I don't think he understands it any better than I do. But my caring for him... it doesn't mean as much, you see, because he already feels that the only person who cares about him is himself.”

“That's 'cause he's a selfish brat,” Koujaku said fondly. He looked at said selfish brat, who was now snoring on Koujaku's pillow, and smiled. “But that's who Aoba is.”

“In part.”

Koujaku looked back at Ren, “And if you're another part of who he is, then that means that you're my important friend, too. And I'll look after you as well.”

Ren didn't say anything, but his tail wagged. Koujaku smiled at him, thinking idly that if Ren was a part of Aoba, he was probably the cute part. But it didn't matter so much which part Ren was, because as far as Koujaku was concerned, all of Aoba was important. Aoba might be a stubborn, selfish brat with a distressing violent streak, but he couldn't say he loved Aoba and then only accept parts of him. He had to accept all of him, and maybe – just maybe – one day Aoba might be able to accept all of Koujaku, too.

He wanted that, even while he knew he didn't deserve it. Aoba was flawed, but he'd never actually permanently harmed anyone. He deserved better than a monster like Koujaku. Koujaku knew he was worse, because he hid his sins...

“Koujaku?” Ren asked, startling him out of his thoughts.

Koujaku shook his head, and yawned again. “Sorry. Four AM isn't a good time for me. I really need to sleep.”

“It's 3:51,” Ren corrected him, “But I understand. I'm sorry for keeping you awake at this hour.”

Koujaku laughed as he finally laid down on the futon, “It's okay. Goodnight, Ren.” 

After a moment's consideration, he rolled onto his right side so that if Aoba happened to wake before him, which seemed unlikely, he wouldn't see the tattoo on Koujaku's face. Aoba would probably find out about his tattoos eventually, but Koujaku was in no way ready to explain them.

“Sleep well, Koujaku,” Ren said softly.

And with the sound of Aoba's heavy, even breaths to lull him back to sleep, Koujaku did just that.

~ ~ ~

Unsurprisingly, Koujaku woke the next morning before Aoba. Beni was acting as an alarm clock, and Koujaku woke as soon as the little bird landed on him and said good morning. He was still tired from the excitement in the middle of the night, but at least Beni hadn't had to start pecking him or hitting him with his wings to wake him up. 

“Oi, I know you're awake,” Beni said, “You said 9 AM was when I should wake you. Get up!”

“Alright, alright, I'm up,” Koujaku said, yawning widely as he sat up.

“What happened last night?” Beni asked, “Why is Aoba here while you're sleeping on the floor?”

“He showed up drunk and wanted to crash here instead of going home,” Koujaku said, “He didn't exactly give me an option to say no.”

He rubbed his eyes, trying to get the sleepy feeling out of them. “He's going to be so hungover. I should go make some breakfast.”

“He should probably make _you_ breakfast, since he kicked you out of your bed! What a rotten guest!”

Koujaku laughed, “It's fine, Beni, I'm not mad about it.”

He got to his feet and looked over at Aoba, sleeping on the bed and snoring softly, his mouth hanging open. Ren was curled up by his head, still in sleep mode. Looking at him, Koujaku remembered their conversation from the night before, and he wondered about it. He'd been very tired, and he wasn't sure he understood.

“Hey, Beni, what's as far back as you can remember?”

Beni tilted his head, “What do you mean? Being turned on for the first time, I guess. Why?”

“I just wondered if you remembered being made, or anything like that?”

“No. I didn't write anything to my memory until I was properly booted up for the first time.”

“Huh,” Koujaku said. If Ren remembered from before that... he wasn't entirely sure what it meant. He gazed down at Aoba and Ren, wondering if it really even mattered.

“Oi, Koujaku!” Beni said, “You're staring!”

Koujaku shook his head, “Oh, man, I'm still tired. I'm going to go make some coffee.”

He headed toward the kitchen, pausing in the doorway to glance back at Aoba once more. He didn't understand what it meant, but he decided that he didn't care. If it was true, it wasn't really the weirdest thing about Aoba. It would take a lot more than this to change Koujaku's feelings.  If anything even could.

Though Koujaku was still tired, he felt cheerful as he filled up the coffee maker and turned it on. Even when Aoba was being a complete brat, Koujaku always felt a lot better just by being in his presence. When you got right down to it, being in love just felt _nice._ Just feeling nice had been a rarity for Koujaku over the past few years.

With the coffee brewing, Koujaku opened the fridge and considered its contents. He didn't usually cook breakfast from scratch. He mostly just got breakfast from the convenience store, since it was easy and cheap, and Nobu would frequently let him have bread or something for free.

Oh well, he had rice and miso at least. If Aoba wanted a fancier breakfast, he should have gone home last night.

It was nearly two hours later that Aoba finally emerged from his room, looking as awful as Koujaku had ever seen him. He had some sympathy – he didn't want Aoba to ever feel bad, after all – but not a huge amount. It was Aoba's fault for drinking that much, after all.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he said brightly.

“Oh, god no,” said Aoba, “It is not a good morning. If you're gonna be cheerful, I might throw up.”

“If you're going to, please try to make it to the bathroom first. I'll reheat some breakfast for you.”

“Thanks,” Aoba said quietly. For once he didn't sound the least bit sarcastic. The thought of Aoba being genuinely grateful to him, even for something so small, made Koujaku's heart start to race. He wondered if he was blushing, and he looked away quickly.

Aoba ate his breakfast mostly in silence. Koujaku didn't feel that talkative, either, so he kept quiet as well, just enjoying how cozy it felt to sit in his kitchen, eating breakfast with someone else. He liked getting to sit down to a meal with someone else, even if he'd already eaten.

Once Aoba had finished his rice and drunk his coffee, he was looking much better. He reached down, picked Ren up from his spot on the floor, and placed the little dog on his lap.

Ren's tail wagged as he said, “You should thank Koujaku for making you breakfast. And letting you stay here last night.”

Aoba rolled his eyes, but smiled as he looked at Koujaku and said, “Thank you.”

And to think that a few weeks ago, Koujaku had gotten confused by the way his heart would pound when Aoba smiled at him. He shook his head, more at his own stupidity than what he actually said, and replied. “It's no problem. But I am going to send you home soon. I have to get ready for work, and _you_ need some clothes that don't smell like a brewery.”

“Have you ever been near a brewery?” Aoba asked.

“Alright, fine, that don't smell like stale alcohol sweat,” said Koujaku, grinning at him.

“Yeah, you're probably right,” Aoba sighed heavily, “I'm gonna get a real earful from Granny for not coming home last night.”

“It shouldn't be too bad. I called her this morning and let her know you slept here.”

Aoba's expression changed immediately, “What?!”

“So she wouldn't worry.”

“Fuck, Koujaku, I've already fucking told you I hate it when you help Granny keep tabs on me!” Aoba yelled, getting to his feet. Ren slid off his lap onto the floor.

“Aoba, Koujaku was -”

“Shut up!” Aoba snapped at him, “I don't care what he meant by it, he shouldn't tell Granny what I'm doing!”

“Maybe if you told her what you were up to once in a while, I wouldn't have to!” Koujaku snapped back. He hated getting Aoba upset with him, but he also hated the way Aoba treated Tae. She was a good woman who didn't deserve the crap her grandson threw at her.

“ _Fuck you_!” Aoba roared, “I don't need or want you to take care of me!”

_That_ hurt, and Koujaku flinched, feeling like he'd been struck. But it made him angry, too. He got to his feet, glaring at Aoba.

“You have the _audacity_ to say that to me after showing up here in the middle of the fucking night? After pounding on my door and kicking me out of my own fucking bed? If you feel like that, then why did you even come here? Why do you _ever_ come here?” he asked. He didn't yell, but he was furious. He was, he realized, more furious than it felt like could possibly be safe. He almost couldn't think straight, and it felt like his vision was going hazy. “You need to leave.”

“You son of a -”

“Get. Out.”

Aoba's mouth shut with an audible click, but he still glared at Koujaku. Not breaking eye contact, he bent down and picked up Ren from the floor. The silence was deafening, broken only by the sounds of Aoba's feet on the floor as he walked back to the bedroom, retrieved his bag and shoes, and came back out. Koujaku didn't dare speak, or even move, paralyzed with the fear of what might happen if this fight continued and he got any angrier.

Aoba stopped in the genkan, put on his shoes, and opened the door. He paused, looking over his shoulder one last time, and his expression was filled with absolute rage that made Koujaku feel like his heart had just dropped directly into his stomach. But he bit his lip, and didn't say anything, and Aoba left, slamming the door behind him with such force it rattled the windows.

As soon as the door shut, Koujaku collapsed into the chair, put his head in his hands, and tried not to sob.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hurt the ones we love. And Koujaku and Aoba love each other. (And the author loves both of them!)
> 
> I don't know when the next update will be. I'm shooting for mid-to-late July, but my life has been very hectic lately, so no guarantees!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! And only a month later than when I estimated I would get it out. Aren't you all proud of me?!

Ever since their disastrous fight, Aoba hadn't spoken to Koujaku. It had been over a month now, and Koujaku was certain that their friendship was over. It broke his heart and left him feeling alternately miserable and numb, and no amount of telling himself he couldn't have done anything else at the time helped. He could have hurt Aoba if Aoba had stayed, and that was unacceptable.

Beni had tried to comfort him after Aoba had left, saying that Koujaku was right to kick Aoba out when Aoba was being such a jerk. Koujaku broke down, and told Beni _everything_ , all the secrets he had kept for months spilling out in a rush. Beni wouldn't judge him, he wasn't even capable of doing so, and even in the depths of his misery Koujaku felt better to have finally told the truth to someone.

He tried to carry on as normal. Koujaku was, after all, very good at pretending he was fine to the casual observer. His bosses noticed he was less energetic at work, but neither of them pried him for more details than 'he'd had a terrible fight with his best friend'.

Koujaku's birthday had come a week ago, and throughout the day he'd hoped that Aoba might send him a happy birthday message, but that hadn't happened, so Koujaku had sent Aoba a quick message asking if he was free to hang out. There had been no response. The continued silent treatment made it pretty clear to Koujaku that Aoba wanted nothing to do with him.

With the way Aoba could hold a grudge, Koujaku doubted that Aoba ever would again.

He once again opened up the mail app on his coil, selected Aoba's name, and just stared at the blank message. He'd probably done this five times a day since their fight, and he didn't know what he could say. I'm sorry? I love you? You're my only reason for living, please don't hate me anymore?

With a sigh, he closed the app. There was no point. He laid back on his bed and sighed. There was a single strand of blue hair on the windowsill. Koujaku had found it on his pillow the evening of the fight, and even though he knew how pathetic it was, he'd carefully saved it.

“Koujaku, you gotta pull yourself together,” Beni said, “I know how much you care about Aoba, but you can't just lie in bed and mope until he comes around. If he wants to be stubborn and stay angry at you for a _month_ over one fight, that's his problem!”

Koujaku didn't respond. He knew that was the logical thing to do, that it would be the healthy thing to do, but he couldn't pretend he was alright like this, in his apartment alone save for Beni.

“Come on, you have to get ready for work,” Beni said, pecking Koujaku's hand, “Don't make me start pecking your face!”

“Alright, alright, I'm getting up.”

It still took him another few moments and Beni pecking him again before he actually moved. He wondered if he could call in sick, but he dismissed the idea. Being depressed and missing Aoba wasn't a sickness, and besides, they were short-staffed enough as it was. There were only five people who worked at the store, including the Nobus, and if he called out then Izumi would be stuck working a double shift.

He got ready for work, and hoped it would be busy enough today that he wouldn't have too much time to slow down and think about Aoba.

Unfortunately, when he arrived at work it didn't seem like it was busy. Izumi greeted him as she was leaving, and he responded cheerfully enough to fool the casual observer. It helped that Izumi was ten years older than him, happily married and had no expectation of Koujaku flirting with her. He'd been out with two girls since his fight with Aoba, and they'd both noticed he was acting strange.

“Has it been busy today?” he asked.

“Not really. A customer knocked a bottle off the shelf and it broke, and that was the most exciting thing that happened all morning.”

Koujaku sighed, “Oh well, I guess that means a lot of cleaning and stocking shelves today.”

“Probably. Have a good day, Koujaku-kun!”

“You too, Izumi-san,” he replied.

He did his best to focus on work, sweeping and restocking the shelves, but without anyone else to talk to, his mind kept wandering back to Aoba.

“Koujaku, you're doing it again,” Beni said quietly, and Koujaku realized he had zoned out once again, with the can he was supposed to be putting on the shelf in his hand.

He quickly put it where it belonged. “God, I'm such a mess,” he murmured.

“Yeah,” Beni agreed. He didn't say anything more, and Koujaku couldn't even be offended at it. Beni was the one having to deal with him.

The bell on the shop door chimed, a welcome distraction, and Koujaku headed toward the front door to greet the customer.

“Welcome! Let me know if there's any-” he stopped mid word as he saw who had come in.

It was Aoba. He saw Koujaku and made a strange expression, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He looked... nervous. That wasn't an expression he'd seen on Aoba since he'd come back to the island.

“A-Aoba?” Koujaku said.

“Um... hey,” Aoba replied.

There was a long silence as the two of them just stared at each other. Koujaku's mind was racing, trying to think of what to say, but the one who broke the silence was Ren.

“Aoba, you came to say something to Koujaku,” he said, his voice as calm as ever.

Aoba actually winced, “I know, I know! Don't rush me, I'm not good at this sort of thing.”

Aoba looked back at Koujaku, took a deep breath and said, “I'm sorry. I was being an asshole, you had every right to tell me to leave, and I was wrong to say that stuff to you.”

“I...” Koujaku had no idea what to say in response to that. Of all the things he'd imagined might happen, Aoba showing up at his work with a sincere apology hadn't been one of them. “I forgive you. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that.”

Aoba snorted, “ _That_ was losing your temper? With me saying that after all you did for me? Koujaku, I woulda deserved it if you'd punched me in the face.”

Koujaku had no idea how to respond to that. He would never hurt Aoba, he'd sent him away because he was afraid of doing just that, but Aoba was right that he'd been really out of line. There was another long moment of silence, then Ren prompted, “And what else had you planned on saying, Aoba?”

Aoba dropped his gaze to the floor and shifted uncomfortably again, “And... I'm sorry it took me a month to come talk to you. I knew I was wrong and I didn't want to admit it, so I just ignored the problem.”

“Well, it's not exactly like I tried to talk to you either,” said Koujaku. He didn't like to see Aoba looking so _guilty_. It just seemed wrong.

“Well, you did send me a message on your birthday,” Aoba said, “I, um... I did read it. Then Ren told me to stop being stubborn and selfish, so... yeah.”

“That was a week ago,” Koujaku pointed out, before he could stop himself.

“I'm _really_ stubborn,” Aoba smiled, “You've probably noticed.”

“Just a little bit.”

“Still friends, right?” asked Aoba, still looking slightly awkward.

“Of course,” Koujaku said, “It would take a lot more than one fight for me to stop wanting to be friends with you.”

“That's a relief,” Aoba said. He laughed, and added, “'Cause given my track record, we're probably going to have a lot more than one.”

The bell on the door jingled again, and Koujaku looked up at the new customer coming in. He knew he shouldn't be, but he was annoyed at the interruption. He looked back at Aoba with an apologetic smile, “Sorry, I'm still on the clock.”

“What time are you off work today?” Aoba asked.

“Nine thirty,” Koujaku said, “I'm closing up today.”

Aoba nodded, “Okay. After that, do you wanna go do something? I've missed hanging out with you.”

Koujaku smiled at him, knowing it was the first genuine smile he'd given anyone in over a month, “Of course. How about dinner?”

“Sure,” Aoba agreed with a smile, “I'll let you go do your job. See you at nine thirty.”

He left with casual wave over his shoulder, and Koujaku felt like his exit took with it the dark cloud that had hung over him ever since their fight. He turned his attention to the customer and smiled cheerfully at him.

“Welcome to our store! Sorry about that, is there anything I can help you with?” he asked brightly. Aoba didn't hate him, they were friends again, and all was right with the world. Or at least, as right as Koujaku's world ever was anymore.

He stayed in a cheerful mood for the rest of the day, and when closing time rolled around, he walked out of the store with a spring in his step. Aoba was waiting outside, sitting on the curb with Ren in his lap.

“You must _really_ have missed me,” Koujaku said, “You're actually on time!”

Aoba pouted at him as he got to his feet, “Don't get cocky about it, hippo, I just didn't have anything else to do tonight.”

“Aoba, you're so cute I might just have to hug you.”

“Don't even try it, asshole,” Aoba grumbled, but it was clear that he was trying not to grin.

“So where do you want to eat?” Koujaku asked, deciding not to push his luck by continuing to tease Aoba. They may have made up, but he felt like things were still a little bit tense between them.

“I'm in the mood for ramen. Maybe from that place near your apartment?” Aoba suggested.

“Sure, we can do that.” Koujaku smiled at him.

He was a little bit relieved that Aoba hadn't suggested something fancy or expensive. Aoba frequently seemed to mistake Koujaku having a regular job as Koujaku having plenty of money to spend, which wasn't the case at all. More than half of his paycheck went to rent each month. He liked working for the Nobus well enough, but he wondered if he might need to find a better paying job. He had thought about cutting hair – he had done it for his mother a few times, and she had told him he was good at it, but that didn't necessarily mean he was good enough to make any real money at it. Besides, he had no idea if any of the salons in the old resident district would be willing to hire him.

“Koujaku?”

“Hm? What is it, Aoba?”

“You zoned out.”

“Oh, sorry,” Koujaku said, and started to walk in the direction of his apartment.

“What were you thinking about?”

“I was just thinking about whether or not I should look for a different job.”

“Oh?”

Koujaku shrugged, “It's not a bad job or anything, but I'm not making much money. I've just been going back and forth about whether it's worth it to actually go look for a different one.”

Aoba laughed, “Are you trying to get me to pay for dinner?”

“No,” Koujaku said in mock annoyance, “I can pay for my own dinner. Just don't expect me to pay for yours, too.”

Aoba waved him off. “Nah, it's okay. I'll pay. After all, I probably owe you for totally ignoring you on your birthday.”

“You really don't have to.”

“I know. I'm going to anyway.”

They playfully argued about it the rest of the way to the shop. Aoba eventually won, as he almost always did, and Koujaku conceded defeat as he opened the door. It wasn't crowded at this hour, the dinner rush was over, and only one cook was working at the moment. She looked up and smiled at them.

"Welcome! Hello, Koujaku-san, it's been a little while since you came for dinner."

That was Chiyo, a cheerful, outgoing girl who always wore her blonde hair up in a bun. Koujaku liked her a lot, she was energetic and cute, and always remembered pretty much anything anyone told her, even details that Koujaku had forgotten he'd ever mentioned.

"Ah, yeah, I've mostly been getting stuff from the convenience store lately," Koujaku said, smiling at her.

"And Aoba-kun too!" Chiyo said, "I guess that means you aren't fighting anymore?"

Koujaku was sure he hadn't mentioned that he was fighting with Aoba the last time he'd eaten here. He glanced over at Aoba, who was looking predictably annoyed. Had _Aoba_ told her about it?

"I was being stubborn, but we've made up," Aoba said, "Like everyone was telling me to do."

"You told Chiyo-chan about our fight? How many people did you tell?" Koujaku asked.

"Fourteen," Ren answered in place of Aoba, "Everyone but Virus and Trip told him to come and make up with you."

"Ren!" Aoba protested. He pushed Ren back into his bag, "That's enough out of you!"

Chiyo laughed, "I understand. It usually feels easier to just stay mad at a friend than forgive them. But that's not really the case, is it?"

"I have a hard time imagining you getting mad at anyone, Chiyo-chan," Koujaku said, letting a flirtatious note into his voice. He was in a good mood now, and flirting was fun, after all. "You're so cheerful."

"Oh, you've only ever seen me at work. This is my customer face," she said, pointing at her face with a smile, "I'm always on my best behavior here. Anyway, what would you like to eat?"

They made their orders and sat at the counter, Koujaku and Aoba talking with each other while they waited for Chiyo to cook their food.

Aoba had, predictably, been up to his usual tricks in the time they'd been apart. Lots of fights, lots of trouble... Koujaku hadn't been up to much at all in the same time, but he didn't want to admit to Aoba the depths of the depression he'd sunk into, so he only admitted to being bored and kind of lonely without Aoba around. That was true, after all, and was less likely to make Aoba think he was pathetic.

"Seriously, you didn't even do anything for your birthday?" Aoba asked.

Koujaku shrugged, "I mean, it's just a day like any other. I've never really seen a point in making a big deal about it."

His mother had always made sure to do something fun and special for his birthday when he was a child, but that had stopped when his father had called them back. He hadn't even considered trying to do something for his birthday this time. It would've felt hollow.

Aoba shook his head, "No wonder you missed me. You're so boring without me around."

"Oh, it was your birthday recently?" Chiyo asked, coming over with two large bowls of hot food. "How old are you now?"

"Twenty," Koujaku answered.

"Ah, well then..." Chiyo turned around to the shelf that held a number of sake glasses and took one down. Before Koujaku could even protest, she had poured him a drink and placed it in front of him, "On the house. Just don't tell my dad, okay?"

"Yeah, Koujaku, have a drink," Aoba said, "You're always saying you won't join us 'cause you're underage, but you aren't anymore."

Being underage had very little to do with why Koujaku didn't want to drink, but a single glass of sake wasn't much, and it would be rude to turn it down. As long as he didn't have more than one...

"Well," he said, picking up the glass, "Cheers!"

He downed it in a few gulps, the way he'd always seen the older men do, and set the glass down on the table a little harder than he meant to. It had tasted alright, he supposed, and Aoba was smiling at him. In a slightly _predatory_ way, if he was honest, but it was a smile. That was usually a good thing.

"Pretty good," he said, "Thank you, Chiyo-chan. Now, I don't know about you, Aoba, but I'm hungry. Let's eat."

“That's all you're going to have?” Aoba asked.

Koujaku rolled his eyes, “Not everyone wants to get blackout drunk every time they have a drink, Aoba.”

“That's what makes drinking fun, Koujaku.”

“I'd rather have a clear idea of what I was up to in the morning,” Koujaku said, managing to smile at Aoba even though the conversation was dredging up some very bad memories of what had happened the last time he couldn't remember any of his actions.

“See, that's your problem. You worry too much about what other people are going to think of you. Just do what feels good, Koujaku. That's what I do.”

Koujaku just shrugged. Yes, that was what Aoba did, but Koujaku had a sneaking suspicion that Aoba wasn't exactly satisfied living like that. He knew better than to suggest that, though. He and Aoba had _just_ made up, bringing that up was practically begging for another fight.

“Besides, you've never gotten drunk before, how do you know you wouldn't like it?” Aoba asked.

“Who says I've never gotten drunk before?” Koujaku replied. He hadn't, but maybe this would get Aoba off his case.

“What? Mr. Stick-in-the-Mud himself has actually gotten drunk? You're always making a fuss about people being underage!”

“Look, I know enough about myself to know I _really_ don't like to feel like I'm not in control of my actions,” Koujaku said, “Besides, with the way you drink, you need a friend who's sober enough to get you home safely.”

Aoba rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, “Yeah, yeah. You're the responsible friend, I get it.”

“Hey, every group needs one,” Koujaku laughed. He looked back at Chiyo and smiled at her. “Am I right? Back me up on this one, Chiyo-chan.”

“I think so,” she agreed, “Of course, I usually _am_ the responsible friend, so I might be a little bit biased.”

Aoba laughed, “Then I guess I just have to have enough fun to make up for both of you.” He pointed at the empty sake cup. “I'll take a glass of that, too.”

Chiyo gave him a very annoyed look, “Aoba, I know you're sixteen.”

“I'll be seventeen soon!”

“In like eight months,” Koujaku cut in, “I don't think you can say it's 'soon' if it's more than half a year away.”

“You're no help.”

“I'm the responsible friend. Why would I help you get alcohol when you're underage and it might get another friend of mine in trouble?”

Aoba laughed at him. “Fine, fine, whatever. I'll just go find Ichiro or someone later. I can normally bum a few beers off him.”

Koujaku sighed, “Well, if you must. Eat your dinner, though. You shouldn't drink on an empty stomach.”

Surprisingly, Aoba did as he was told, turning his attention back to his ramen and eating it with apparent enthusiasm. Koujaku did the same, slurping down his noodles and feeling for once as though things were actually pretty okay.

Aoba finished his bowl first and dug around in his pocket for a moment, withdrawing some money and putting it down on the counter. He got to his feet, picked up his bag, and gave Koujaku a genuine, friendly smile with only a very small trace of viciousness.

“Well, I'm going to go see if I can find someone for a match. You want to come with me?” he asked.

“Sure,” Koujaku agreed. He'd been very worried over the last month about the trouble Aoba might be getting into without Koujaku to watch his back – or hold him back when he started getting scary.

He got to his feet and gave Chiyo a polite bow. “Thank you for the meal, Chiyo-chan, it was delicious as usual.”

Chiyo giggled, “Well, if it's so delicious, don't wait a month to come back next time!”

Koujaku gave her his most charming smile. “As you insist! I'll be sure to come by again soon.”

Aoba scoffed, rolling his eyes at Koujaku's words. “Ugh, come on already, Koujaku! I don't want to stand here and watch you flirt all night.” He grabbed Koujaku's arm and tugged him towards the door.

Sometimes the way Aoba acted when Koujaku flirted with a girl seemed a lot like jealousy, and it was almost enough to make Koujaku hope that Aoba might have feelings for him. He shook his head to clear it. That was a foolish line of thought; it could only lead to trouble.

“Why not? It might help you improve your technique,” he teased, and Aoba rolled his eyes again. Koujaku looked back up at Chiyo and smiled, “I'll see you later, then.”

He let Aoba pull him out the door, smiling all the way. He had missed this, even if trying to keep Aoba under control was stressful. At least he was _with_ Aoba.

“Fuck, you're so annoying sometimes,” Aoba said, once they were out on the street again.

“It can't be that often,” Koujaku pointed out, “you're still here.”

~ ~ ~

With Aoba again on speaking terms with him, Koujaku's mood improved a huge amount. Almost everyone he met for the next few days commented on how happy he seemed. Beni was certainly pleased that he no longer had to harass Koujaku to get him out of bed in the morning, or to peck him or beat him with his wings to get him to eat and get dressed. Koujaku had apologized to Beni several times, since the little bird was the one who'd had to deal with him at his absolute worst.

“I still don't think Aoba treats you very well,” Beni said, “But after all this, I can tell you're better off with him than without him.”

“Aoba's just kind of abrasive with everybody,” Koujaku replied, “I don't take it personally.”

Koujaku would let Aoba treat him however he liked. Even when Aoba was at his meanest, being with Aoba was _infinitely_ preferable to being without him. And for all that Aoba could be mean, or rude, or pushy, or an obnoxious brat that made Koujaku want to shake him, taking care of Aoba gave him a sense of purpose. He could keep Aoba safe through all of the monumentally stupid decisions he made. And if Koujaku enjoyed carrying Aoba home when he was drunk because it gave him a brief opportunity to hold Aoba close, he kept those thoughts to himself.

He did wonder sometimes, though, if Aoba would do quite so many risky things if he didn't know Koujaku was there to take care of him. Maybe it was the very fact that he knew Koujaku would get him home safely no matter what that made him so blasé about drinking to the point of unconsciousness.

Then again, Aoba did get into trouble when Koujaku wasn't around, too, although it tended to be more along the lines of fights and hookups with some of the girls who hung around the rougher parts of the old residential district. He envied those girls, but he forcibly reminded himself that they weren't bad people just because they had had what he wanted.

After all, Midorijima's youths were all lost in some way, and Koujaku knew that he couldn't claim to be better than them. He couldn't claim to be better than _anyone_. He was a monster, and he knew it. He shouldn't be at Aoba's side, or taking girls on dates to make them smile, or making friends with the other young men on the island.

For reasons Koujaku didn't quite understand, he was developing a small circle of friends of his own – not just acquaintances of Aoba who liked him well enough, people who sought him out specifically. Some of them didn't even like Aoba. (Not that Koujaku could really blame them for that, Aoba was a... _difficult_ person to like.)

Hagima, the young man who Aoba had beaten senseless three months ago, had become a fairly close friend to him, though they didn't exactly hang out often. For obvious reasons, Hagima wanted to avoid Aoba whenever possible. They talked a few times a week, though, so Koujaku didn't think anything of it when Hagima called him up one evening, shortly after he'd gotten out of work.

“Hey, how's it going?” he asked, cheerfully enough. Aoba was off on his own that evening, and Koujaku didn't have any plans, so meeting up with Hagima might be good. He didn't do well when he was alone with his thoughts for too long.

“Do you remember those two blond guys?” Hagima asked.

“Blond guys?” Koujaku asked, searching his memory. Half the population of Midorijima had bleached or dyed hair, so that didn't help much.

“The ones who stood there and watched while Aoba was kicking the crap out of me?” Hagima specified.

Koujaku would have sworn his heart stopped for a second. He felt a cold dread spreading from his chest, “Oh no... is Aoba with them?”

He didn't think Virus or Trip had come around for a while, and he'd been glad of that. His brief meeting with them before had been quite enough. When he thought back on it, the cool and disconnected way they had been watching Aoba beat up Hagima scared him more than Aoba's violent rages. At least rage was something he understood.

“Yeah, but that's not what worries me right now,” Hagima said quickly, “Look, there's this new kind of drug on the street, and they've got it, and I just saw them offer it to Aoba, and he took it. It's supposed to make you really happy and... suggestible.”

Koujaku's heart sank even lower, “You mean...?”

“I don't know if they're actually planning to take advantage of him, but if they are... look, I don't like the guy, but I don't want to see something like that happen to him. If there's anyone who can get him away and home safe, it's you.”

“Where are they?” Koujaku asked urgently.

Hagima gave him the address of a bar not far from Aoba's home, a place where they apparently didn't check IDs too carefully. Koujaku had heard of it before, it was popular with Midorijima's lost youth, but he'd never been there himself.

“Okay, I can be there in fifteen minutes,” Koujaku said, already heading for the door, “Can you keep an eye on them? You don't have to do anything, just tell me if they leave.”

“Can do. Should I stay on the phone with you?” Hagima asked.

“No, just call me if they leave or anything happens. I'll be there as soon as I can.”

Koujaku didn't run – running through the streets of the old residential district at night attracted all kinds of attention that he didn't want – but he did walk very briskly to the bar Hagima had told him about. He didn't know if Virus and Trip were planing anything specific, but Aoba with them in a particularly suggestible state was worrying no matter what their intentions were. He had to make sure Aoba wasn't going to do anything he'd regret when he sobered up.

The bar was a small, run-down looking establishment which was nonetheless pretty full of people. They all looked young, which was probably explained by that whole not checking IDs thing. The music was loud enough to drown out a lot of the conversations going on unless people yelled, which they were doing. He really didn't like noisy, crowded places like this, but he could deal with it for now.

He spotted Hagima quickly, who waved at him, said something Koujaku couldn't hear over the loud music, and pointed to a spot along the wall. Koujaku looked over, and saw Aoba leaning on the wall, the two he was worried about on either side of him.

“Aoba!” he said, hurrying over to them.

Aoba looked up at him and waved, “Hey, Koujaku~! What are you doing here?”

“I was looking for you,” Koujaku answered.

“You missed me? That's so sweet of you!” he pushed away from the wall, which looked like it took him a lot of effort, and came towards Koujaku.

Aoba was smiling at him without a trace of the predatory malice that was frequently in his smiles. Koujaku would normally be happy about that, but it was clear that he was very, very impaired. Aoba's pupils were blown wide, he didn't seem to be quite focusing on anything he looked at, and his steps were unsteady. He threw his arms around Koujaku's neck and leaned on him heavily, as though he couldn't support his own weight anymore.

“Heyyy, Koujaku, this music is so good,” he said, his speech a little slurred and far too loud in Koujaku's ear. “The beat is... mm... it's pulsing through me. It's like it's, ah, violating me.”

He laughed loudly, and to Koujaku's embarrassment, started rubbing his body against his, at which point Koujaku realized that Aoba was hard. Hard and practically humping his leg like a dog.

“You could fuck me to this beat,” Aoba suggested, his breath hot against Koujaku's ear. Koujaku squirmed a little, very uncomfortable.

Koujaku looked up at Virus and Trip, who were watching the proceedings with exceedingly sour expressions, and Koujaku's embarrassment instantly faded, replaced by anger. Those fucking _creeps_. They _knew_ what this drug would do to Aoba and had been planning to take advantage of it, he was certain.

“Aoba, look at me,” Koujaku said, grabbing his shoulders and attempting to peel Aoba off of him. Aoba didn't seem to want to let go.

“Look at me,” he repeated, and Aoba's bleary-eyed gaze focused on him, “What did you take? How much of it did you take?”

“Two?” Aoba said, in English instead of Japanese, and he giggled. Koujaku had no idea if that was the name of the drug or the amount of it he'd taken.

“Come on, Koujaku,” Aoba said, “Let's do it.” He took another step forward, crashed into Koujaku, and began kissing his neck.

Sometimes Koujaku wondered what god was toying with him. Having Aoba pressed up against him like this was all that he had wished for several months, but Aoba was high and barely knew what he was saying or doing. If he did anything now, it would be taking advantage of him, and Koujaku would never do that to anyone. Least of all the one he loved.

“No, Aoba, we've got to get you home,” Koujaku said firmly, “You can barely walk.”

“But I want to -”

The drug was supposed to make people more suggestible, right? Koujaku tried a persuasive tone and said, “You want a nice soft bed more than you want to stay here, right?”

Aoba seemed to consider this, “Your bed's nice.”

Well, at least that was Aoba probably agreeing to leave with him. Koujaku could sleep on his spare futon again, it wouldn't kill him. And it probably wasn't a great idea to bring Aoba home to Tae in this state. “That's right, it's very comfortable. We'll go there.”

Aoba giggled, and kissed his neck again, “And then you'll fuck me. Mmm... _wreck_ me, Koujaku. I've always wanted you to.”

Koujaku didn't want to admit how much this was turning him on. He was glad that he was wearing his kimono over loose-fitting pants. He took one of Aoba's hands in his own, and placed the other one on the small of Aoba's back.

“We're not doing _anything_ until we leave here,” he said firmly, guiding Aoba towards the door.

“Hehehe, so forceful, Koujaku! Gonna make me do what you want?” Aoba reached up to pat Koujaku's face with his free hand – at least Koujaku assumed it was supposed to be a pat, Aoba didn't seem like he was _trying_ to slap Koujaku. He pulled away from Koujaku's grip on his waist, though he didn't let go of Koujaku's hand. “It's no fun if I make it easy for you.”

“Oh, believe me, this is anything but easy. Come on,” Koujaku said, pulling Aoba towards the door.

“I don't think Aoba-san wants to go with you, Koujaku-kun,” said one of the two young men, the slightly smaller one. Koujaku realized that he still had no idea which was Virus and which was Trip.

“That's because he's _drugged_!” Koujaku growled. Actually growled, which worried him a little. He took a deep breath and said, “I'm taking him somewhere safe so he can sleep off whatever it was _you_ bastards gave him, and I don't give a  damn what you say about it. Or what he _thinks_ he wants right now.”

“How selfish of you.”

“He can hate me all he likes when he's sober,” Koujaku said, and turned his attention back to Aoba, “Aoba, do you have all your things?” Aoba's bag was on his shoulder, and Koujaku unzipped it and breathed a sigh of relief to see Ren inside in sleep mode. That was the most important thing. Anything else Aoba might have forgotten here could be easily replaced.

Aoba giggled again, “That's not what I want you to unzip, Koujaku!”

“Not in the middle of a crowded bar, Aoba. Come on, let's get you home.”

“Okay,” Aoba agreed, bumping into Koujaku as he moved, “You smell so good, Koujaku.”

“Thank you,” Koujaku said absently, trying to guide Aoba through the crowds without bumping into anyone. Somehow, they managed to make it to the door, and when Koujaku stepped out into the cool night air, he breathed a sigh of relief.

“You're taking him home?” came a voice from almost directly behind him.

Koujaku jumped, and turned to see that Hagima had followed them out. He looked at Aoba with a concerned expression, “Man, he's _done_ right now.”

Aoba giggled again, “We haven't even started yet!” He grabbed Koujaku's ass and gave it a squeeze.

Koujaku blushed, and grabbed Aoba's hand to keep it from wandering any farther, “Stop that!”

Hagima looked a little uncomfortable, too. “Yeah, uh... good thing you got him away from those creeps.

“I'm gonna take him back to my place,” Koujaku said, “I don't think I could bring him back to his grandmother in this state.”

“No, I wouldn't,” Hagima agreed, “Well... good luck, I guess?”

“Yeah, thanks. Thanks for calling me,” Koujaku said, “Now the worst thing that's going to happen is he might be embarrassed in the morning.”

“Koujaku~! Stop ignoring me~!” Aoba whined, latching onto him again. Koujaku yelped as he felt Aoba's teeth on his collarbone. It wasn't much of a bite, but it would probably leave a mark.

“Do you need any help?” Hagima asked, looking like he really, _really_ wanted the answer to be 'no.'

“No!” Koujaku squeaked. What he needed was a cold shower. He was painfully, embarrassingly aroused by Aoba acting like this, even though he knew he shouldn't be. There was a part of him – a very insistent part, located between his legs – that wanted to respond to Aoba's seduction, bring him home and throw him down on the bed and make love to him just as forcefully as Aoba was demanding it.

But then he thought about Virus and Trip, how they'd given Aoba the drug that was making him act like this. If he took advantage of Aoba in this state he'd be just as bad as they were. He quickly shook his head, put his arms around Aoba's shoulders, and said, “Alright, alright, I get it. Let's go.”

“'Bout time,” Aoba said.

He left with Aoba, not quite daring to look over his shoulder at Hagima again. It was already awkward enough, trying to walk through the streets guiding Aoba while simultaneously avoiding being groped again. Fortunately, not many people were out along their route, and he made it back to his apartment with a minimum of embarrassment.

As soon as Koujaku had gotten them both through the apartment door and shut it behind them, Aoba was on him again, even more aggressively than before. Koujaku caught both of Aoba's wrists and held him back.

“Koujaku?” Aoba said, and his voice sounded so confused and _hurt_ , that Koujaku suddenly felt a pang of guilt for rejecting him, even though it was obviously the right thing.

After a moment's thought, he spoke. “Aoba.” He let his voice drop a bit, his tone low and authoritative.

“Yes,” Aoba replied, the word almost a moan.

“I want you to go into the bedroom, lie down on the bed, close your eyes, and wait for me,” Koujaku said firmly, and felt Aoba shiver in his grip, “Can you do that?”

Aoba moaned, “Fuck. And if I don't?”

“Then absolutely nothing is going to happen tonight,” Koujaku said. Nothing would happen either way, but at least this way Aoba might not fight him about just going to sleep. He'd probably pass out really quickly if he were laying down with his eyes closed. Koujaku hoped so, anyway.

“Okay,” Aoba smiled, his eyes half-lidded and his gaze hot, “I'll be good for you.”

“Very good,” Koujaku murmured, keeping his tone low and seductive, “You'll be glad you did what I said.”

He released Aoba's wrists, and Aoba moved toward the bedroom, his hips swaying invitingly as he walked.

Koujaku bit his lip until he tasted blood. He wanted to follow Aoba so badly that it was a physical ache, but he stayed where he was. He didn't move from the genkan for several minutes, when, to his immense relief, the sound of Aoba's snoring started to come from the bedroom.

Quietly, so that he wouldn't wake Aoba and have to deal with this again, he went to the bedroom to check on him. Aoba was snoring loudly, obviously fast asleep, and – Koujaku almost groaned – he'd removed his clothes before laying down. Aoba was in his bed, wearing only his underwear (and one sock, bizarrely). Something was testing him, Koujaku was sure of it.

He turned on his heel and headed for the bathroom to take a quick shower. If he didn't take care of himself, there was no way he'd sleep tonight. It was probably wrong of him to fantasize about Aoba in that state, but... he was only a man, after all.

At least he'd gotten Aoba out of a dangerous situation, although it may have come at the cost of preventing him from _ever_ being able to look Aoba in the eye again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? I like giving Koujaku a hard time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: Lots of sexual tension.

It was an unfortunate fact of Koujaku's life that he'd gotten used to taking care of Aoba in an impaired state. Before Koujaku went to sleep himself, he took Ren out of sleep mode and had him double-check that Aoba's vital signs were normal and it was safe to just let him sleep it off, and set out a glass of water and some aspirin on the bedside table for Aoba to take in the morning. He even managed to get Aoba into an oversized T-shirt, though that last was for Koujaku's comfort more than Aoba's.

Once Koujaku was certain Aoba was taken care of, he went to sleep on the spare futon and had vivid and bizarre dreams. Not quite nightmares, but he awoke early the next morning feeling more tired than when he'd gone to bed. He checked the clock, saw that it was six AM, and sighed. There was probably no point in trying to go back to sleep, so he got up.

He retrieved Beni from his perch and the little bird gave him a look that, despite not technically being any different than his face normally looked, made Koujaku feel very guilty. He wasn't sure why, he hadn't done anything wrong... not really.

He didn't say anything, and went to the kitchen to fix something for breakfast.

It wasn't long after the coffee had finished brewing that Aoba came out of the bedroom, yawning. He was still in Koujaku's shirt, but his legs were bare. Koujaku thought Aoba had the best-looking legs he'd ever seen... he yanked his gaze away, up to Aoba's face, trying to will himself not to blush.

“Good morning,” he said, “Coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Aoba said, and accepted the mug Koujaku offered him.

They both sat at the table, drinking their coffee in companionable silence. Koujaku felt a little awkward about the whole situation, partly because Aoba was acting so _normal_. How much did he remember about the previous night? If he remembered hitting on Koujaku, wouldn't he feel at least a little bit awkward about it now?

It was Aoba who broke the silence. “Did we have sex last night?" he asked, bluntly.

Koujaku nearly spat out his coffee. Not that it was a totally unreasonable thing for Aoba to ask, but he hadn't expected it at all. He swallowed his mouthful as Aoba continued, "I mean, everything after my second hit is really fuzzy, but I woke up mostly naked in your bed, and I'm pretty sure I asked you to, so did we fuck?"

"No!" Koujaku said, "I wouldn't take advantage of anyone like that, especially not you!"

"Oh," Aoba said mildly. He sighed, and leaned on the table, "So what did happen?"

"You kept saying how the music was violating you, and -" Koujaku felt his face heating up. He wasn't about to repeat what Aoba had said "- other stuff. Well, I wasn't going to take you back to your grandmother in that state, so I brought you here and got you to go to bed. You didn't exactly make it easy, but once you were lying down you passed out pretty quickly. How's your head?"

“Fine,” Aoba said with a shrug, “That one doesn't leave you with much of a crash afterward. That's why it's so popular.”

Koujaku sighed heavily, “Yeah, well, maybe next time you want to take that particular drug, don't do it with Virus or Trip? 'Cause I'm pretty damn sure that they would have taken advantage of you if I hadn't taken you home.”

Aoba rolled his eyes at Koujaku's warning, “Whatever. You just don't like them.”

“That doesn't mean I'm wrong,” Koujaku muttered, knowing that Aoba wouldn't listen, “Just... if it makes you act like that, and you _have_ to take it, please do it somewhere safe. That's all I'm asking.”

“Alright, alright,” Aoba said, “You're such a worrywart sometimes.”

“That's because I care about you,” said Koujaku firmly. Aoba met his eyes, and Koujaku suddenly felt like he was blushing. He continued, “I know you're going to keep being you no matter what you say or do, but I don't want to see you get hurt. So I'm going to do what I can to keep you safe.”

“Sappy hippo,” Aoba grumbled, “No one asked you to.”

“You don't have to ask me,” Koujaku replied, “I've always looked out for you, haven't I?”

“Whatever.” Aoba looked away, but Koujaku could see that he was smiling. He smiled as well, pleased. Maybe some day he'd be able to tell Aoba just how much he truly cared for him.

The washing machine's buzzer went off, breaking the momentary silence. Koujaku got to his feet, “I put your clothes in the washer. I'll go hang them up to dry.”

“Thanks,” Aoba said, “I should probably leave some clean clothes here. I crash at your place enough...”

“Oh! Um, yeah, that's not a bad idea...” Koujaku was glad he was already turned away from Aoba, because he _felt_ his face go bright red. Why the hell was he reacting so strongly to what was a very practical suggestion?

He used the few minutes it took to hang up the laundry as a chance to compose himself. He couldn't keep acting so weird about things. Aoba didn't know how he'd acted last night and Koujaku wanted to keep it that way. Not to save Aoba from embarrassment – he didn't think anything _could_ embarrass Aoba, the guy had no shame – but because if he talked about it, he might let something slip. He had wanted to say yes so badly. Even now, he almost wished he had done it. The way Aoba had asked so casually this morning if they'd slept together made Koujaku think that he didn't hate the idea. Maybe if he had made love to Aoba last night...

No. If he had slept with Aoba, it could have only ended in disaster. He'd done the right thing. He just didn't want it to have been the right thing. What he wanted to do rarely was.

When Koujaku came back to the table, Aoba had Ren on his lap and a fond expression on his face. He smiled at Koujaku, “You're so domestic, Koujaku.”

“I have to be,” Koujaku replied, “I don't have anyone else to do chores for me.”

“For some reason, I have a hard time imagining you with a wife.”

Koujaku laughed, “I'm way too young to settle down yet.”

It was true, but it was far from the main reason he didn't intend to marry. As a kid, he'd always thought he would someday find a nice girl to fall in love with, marry her, and have children... those dreams had died as soon as he'd gone back to the mainland, even before Ryuuhou had come. Bringing a girl into his life as a yakuza boss's heir would have been cruel. And now... now that he knew he was in love with Aoba, he could certainly never settle down with anyone else. It would be dishonest.

“I don't know if I'll ever get married,” Koujaku said with a shrug, “I mean, it would be nice, but if it doesn't happen...”

Aoba made a small noise of disdain. “Nice? Settling down sounds like a pain to me.”

“Of course it does to _you_ , you're still a teenager,” Koujaku said with a teasing grin, “Although I guess I can't imagine you with a wife, either.”

He had a hard time imagining Aoba even dating one person. While Aoba had the occasional one night stand, he had no real interest in having a lasting relationship with anyone. The only people he consistently tolerated in his life were Koujaku, Ren, and Tae – and Tae was clearly on sufferance much of the time. Koujaku would have been pleased to be on that short list, but he usually just worried about how Aoba could never open up to anyone.

He glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed, “I have to leave for work soon. You can stay here until your clothes are dry, just be sure to lock the door when you leave, okay?”

“Mm,” Aoba agreed, “Okay.”

He continued to sit at the table and sip his coffee while Koujaku got dressed to go to work. He'd barely moved by the time Koujaku emerged from his bedroom and went to the genkan to put his shoes on.

“Hey, Koujaku?” Aoba called, making Koujaku look back at him curiously, “Thanks. For looking out for me.”

Koujaku's heart and stomach did some very strange flips at that. He knew he was blushing. He'd look out for Aoba's well-being even if Aoba hated him for it, but it was nice to know he was appreciated sometimes. He smiled at Aoba, a little sheepishly.

“You're welcome,” he said, meaning it, “But do you think you could make it a little easier on me next time?”

Aoba laughed, “Oh Koujaku, where's the fun in that?”

~ ~ ~

On his way home from work that evening, Koujaku ran into Chiyo. Literally, as she wasn't watching where she was going and bumped into him. Koujaku automatically put out a hand to steady her before recognizing her – it took a moment, because her hair wasn't up in its usual bun, but hanging messily around her face and shoulders.

“Oh, I'm so sorry, Koujaku-san!” she said.

“It's alright. Is something wrong?” Koujaku asked, because she looked kind of upset.

“It's not really a big deal,” she said, “I'm just having a tough day.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” Koujaku said, “Someone as nice as you doesn't deserve to have bad days.”

“Flatterer,” Chiyo accused, but she smiled at him, “But thank you.”

“What happened?” Koujaku asked. It must have been a lot to make her seem so frazzled, when normally she was so neat and put-together.

Chiyo sighed, “Where to even start? Have you ever just had one of those days were _everything_ goes wrong?”

“Yes,” Koujaku answered simply. Moreso than most people, he would guess, but he didn't need to give details. “What happened?”

Chiyo took a deep breath, and began to explain. She wasn't exaggerating when she said she'd had a rough day. Apparently everyone in Chiyo's family aside from her and her three year old niece had caught a nasty cold, so Chiyo had spent her entire day trying to balance nursing her sick family and keeping a handle on a grumpy three year old. Around midafternoon, she'd finally gotten her niece to lie down and take a nap.

“And of course, I was exhausted by that point, so I laid down on the couch and tried to get some shut eye myself,” she paused, and sighed, “And I woke up to find Toki playing with scissors. She cut her hair and mine when I was asleep.”

“Oh, no!” Koujaku groaned, sympathetically. That explained why Chiyo's hair was such a mess, when she was usually so tidy.

“I guess I should just be grateful she didn't hurt herself with them, but it's really hard not to be furious with her.”

“I understand,” Koujaku said, “She may not have meant any harm, but...”

Chiyo touched a lock of her hair almost mournfully, “I've been growing my hair out for years... this is such a mess.”

Koujaku looked at her hair for a moment, considering, and said, “I can help fix it.”

“What?”

“I'm good at cutting hair,” he said, “I can't make it grown back, but I can at least give you a nice-looking shorter hairstyle.”

“You would -” Chiyo looked at him with shock, and as his words sunk in tears started to well up in her eyes.

“I didn't mean to upset you,” Koujaku said, a little concerned. Had he accidentally insulted her? He hadn't meant to imply that she was ugly just from a bad haircut or anything like that...

Chiyo sniffed, and rubbed her eyes quickly, “I'm sorry, I know it's stupid for me to cry about this, but it's just... thank you so much!”

“It's nothing,” Koujaku said, smiling gently at her, “Do you have time now, or would you rather wait until later?”

“Now is fine,” Chiyo replied, “I think I'll feel better to have it done sooner rather than later.”

“Well then,” Koujaku said, and offered Chiyo his arm, “Let's go take care of your hair.”

She took it with a very grateful look, and followed Koujaku back to his apartment. It was a little less bare now than when he'd first moved in, and he had a slightly nicer chair than an old folding chair to have her sit in. He used a spare sheet to cover her clothes with, set his scissors and comb down on the table, and got to work.

All in all, Koujaku took a little less than an hour on Chiyo's hair. He was hesitant at first, because he'd only ever cut his mother's and his own hair before, but he got more confident as he continued. By the time he was done, Chiyo's hair looked _wonderful_ , and Koujaku had never before been quite so proud of himself. When he brought Chiyo to the mirror to show her how it looked, she started to cry again. After reassuring him that she was very pleased with her new style, she hugged him, kissed him on the cheek, and then insisted on paying him for the work he'd done.

“You don't have to do that,” he said.

“Don't be ridiculous,” Chiyo insisted, opening up her purse and pulling out a small wallet, “This is salon-quality, you deserve to be paid for it!”

“But I was happy to do it for you.”

“Koujaku,” she said firmly, “You just made my day not completely terrible. I look good, I feel good, and I'm going to pay you for the haircut. Besides... aren't you the one always saying that it's shameful for a man to refuse a woman? Here.”

She handed him a few folded bills, and Koujaku accepted them without a protest this time. After all, hadn't he been thinking about doing this as a job? If Chiyo thought his work was worth paying for, other people might as well.

It was only after she left that he counted up the money and realized that she had paid him almost as much as he made in an entire day at the convenience store. This much, for less than an hour's work? And for making a woman so happy?

“I'm in the wrong business,” Koujaku said aloud, “I obviously should have looked harder for a hairdresser job.”

“Well, yeah,” Beni agreed, “You like making women happy.”

Koujaku smiled at him, “That was a nice way to do it, too. Every time she looks in the mirror, it'll cheer her up.”

He liked that thought. Chiyo was kind and sweet and he liked knowing that he'd done something which would bring a smile to her face for weeks. It would be nice to do that for other people, too. Idly, he found himself wondering if he might be able to cut Aoba's hair someday, but he quickly dismissed the idea. With Aoba's hair being the way it was, Koujaku would never be able to cut it without hurting him, and he'd sooner cut off his own fingers than hurt Aoba.

Just being allowed to touch Aoba's hair would be a privilege. One that he didn't deserve and would never have, he reminded himself firmly. But as long as he didn't let himself believe it would ever really happen, was there any harm in fantasizing?

Probably, but he wasn't going to stop.

~ ~ ~

“And you're done!” Koujaku said brightly, putting down his scissors and picking up the mirror with a flourish.

In the past two weeks, a handful of Chiyo's friends had come to him to get their hair cut as well, and apparently the word was spreading. Sayaka had asked on their date last night if he'd cut her hair as well, and he'd been all too pleased to agree. By now Koujaku was feeling pretty confident in his skills as a hairdresser. His confidence was boosted by the way Sayaka smiled when she saw her reflection.

“Oh, it looks so good!” she said, “I'm so relieved!”

“Relieved?” Koujaku said, with a mock hurt expression, “You didn't think I would do a good job?”

Sayaka shook her head, “I mean, you did so well on all of my friends, but they all had straight hair. Mine's so curly, it's always a fight to get it under control... I was just a little nervous.”

“Well, I'm glad that you gave me a chance. And I'm even more glad that you're pleased with the results,” he said, turning on all of his charm and enjoying the way she went a little pink.

“Thank you,” she said, “For the haircut _and_ the date. I had such a good time.”

“That's wonderful,” Koujaku said, “Every woman deserves to have a good time.”

His flirting was interrupted by a knocking on the door. He gave Sayaka an apologetic smile, “Sorry, let me go see who that is.”

Who it turned out to be when he opened the door was Aoba, looking very put out. His clothes were soaking wet, and...

Koujaku put his hand over his nose, “Aoba? What happened to you? You stink!”

“Yeah, I'd noticed,” Aoba said sourly, “Can I use your shower? A car drove past and splashed a puddle on me. I don't know what was in that water, but -”

He stopped talking abruptly, and scowled over Koujaku's shoulder. He looked back to see Sayaka looking curiously at Aoba.

“Ah, Aoba, this is Sayaka. Sayaka, this is my friend Aoba.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Sayaka said politely.

“Oh,” Aoba said, his tone very bitter, “I didn't realize you had a date over.”

“Oh no, I was about to head home,” Sayaka said quickly, looking a little awkward. She bowed to Koujaku, “Thank you again, Koujaku-san.”

“Would you like me to walk you home?” Koujaku asked, torn between chivalry and wanting to take care of Aoba. Not that Aoba was sick or injured, but what if he tracked that foul-smelling water all over Koujaku's apartment?

“No, I'm fine,” she said, “It's not far. Excuse me.”

She slipped awkwardly past Aoba as she left, obviously trying to keep enough distance to not risk accidentally touching him. Aoba didn't move out of her way, giving her one of the coldest looks Koujaku had ever seen on his face. His expression didn't change until she shut the door behind her.

Koujaku looked at Aoba, briefly considering admonishing him for being so rude, but he decided it wasn't worth it. Besides, Aoba really did smell awful. He started to move, and Koujaku put up a hand to stop him.

“Hang on, don't go tracking that mess all over. Let me get a bag to put your clothes in.”

“Okay.”

Aoba waited in the genkan while Koujaku retrieved a plastic grocery bag to put his filthy clothes in. Fortunately, the foul smell was enough to (mostly) distract him from the sight of Aoba stripping down to his underwear in front of him. It smelled like stagnant pond water, and Koujaku wondered where Aoba had been. The old district was a mess, but it rarely smelled like that.

“Gross,” Koujaku muttered, as Aoba shoved his clothes into the grocery bag.

“Try being the one who was wearing them,” Aoba said, “I think that guy was trying to splash people on purpose. Jackass.”

“Yeah,” Koujaku agreed vaguely, “I'll go put these in the washer, you get cleaned up.”

Koujaku went to take care of the dirty clothes, and did his best to ignore the fact that Aoba was walking through his home almost naked. He'd gotten better at that over the past few weeks, he thought. Probably because some god was tormenting him, he seemed to see Aoba in various states of undress fairly often. He didn't _think_ Aoba knew how much it was affecting him. Koujaku was very, very controlled these days. He didn't dare be anything else.

He put Aoba's clothes in the wash, and settled down to sit on the couch with a sigh. Beni fluttered over to sit next to him, and looked at him with his head tilted to one side.

“What?” Koujaku asked.

“You really do let him walk all over you,” Beni said.

That was true, of course, but Koujaku was annoyed nonetheless. This wasn't anything too extreme. “I'd do the same for any of my friends,” he protested.

“Yeah, but if anyone else was giving your date a death glare like that, you'd say something.”

“When has saying something _ever_ helped with Aoba?”

Beni just shrugged his wings. Koujaku didn't say anything. He knew that Beni worried about the way Aoba treated him, and not without reason. Beni was just trying to follow his programming and take care of Koujaku.

After a few minutes, he heard a rustling in the genkan, and Ren climbed out of Aoba's bag and padded over to the couch. Apparently Aoba hadn't put Ren in sleep mode.

“Hey, Ren,” Beni greeted him, and Koujaku leaned down to lift the little Allmate into his lap.

“Good thing you don't need to be cleaned, too,” Koujaku said. Most of the dirty water had missed Aoba's bag, and Ren didn't look like he'd gotten wet at all.

“I'm relieved,” Ren said, “From the way Aoba was complaining on the walk over, it must smell very bad.”

“You can't smell anything, right?” Koujaku asked.

“No, I don't have that kind of sensory input.”

“Kind of funny, a dog that can't smell,” Koujaku said, stroking Ren's fur.

“But I'm just dog-shaped,” Ren replied, “In theory you could put my processor in any other kind of Allmate and I would still be me.”

“Ah, but then you might not be so fluffy!” Koujaku said, ruffling his fur, “Being a puppy suits you too well.”

“I'm glad you like me this way, since it would be difficult to change.” Ren's tail wagged.

“You're my favorite ball of fluff,” Koujaku said affectionately.

“Hey!” Beni protested, “What am I, chopped liver?”

“You're my favorite ball of feathers,” Koujaku reassured him, patting Beni on the head, “Don't worry about that.”

He wondered again, not for the first time, about what Ren had said that time about being a piece of Aoba. He still didn't quite understand it, but he liked the idea that there was a part of Aoba he could be affectionate to and not be rejected. It made him much more fond of Ren than he was of anyone else's Allmate.

Beni fluttered from Koujaku's shoulder to perch on Ren's head, and Koujaku settled back against the couch with a sigh of relief. While he liked making women like Sayaka happy, it wasn't always easy to be smooth and charming with them. Playing a role for others took a constant effort, but being alone was just as difficult, since he had nothing to distract him... but like this, with just the two Allmates for company, he felt oddly relaxed.

As long as he didn't think about the fact that Aoba was using his shower at this very instant. That was anything but a relaxing thought. Pleasant, but not something he should think about while Aoba was still here. He could almost hear Aoba calling him pathetic – although he didn't know how Aoba would really react if Koujaku ever admitted his feelings, he was certain that sitting on his couch pining for someone he couldn't have was definitely something Aoba would think was pathetic.

He needed to find some way to relax when Aoba was around and Koujaku's nerves were all on edge like this. Maybe he could take up smoking. Hagima smoked a brand of cigarettes that actually smelled pretty good, maybe Koujaku would ask him what they were.

At the sound of the bathroom door opening, all of Koujaku's thoughts scattered. Aoba stepped out of the bathroom, and Koujaku felt his mouth go dry. Aoba's hair was still wet and hanging loose and he had nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. It was so low it looked like it was about to fall off, and for a second Koujaku wished it would.

Aoba looked at him and smiled in that slightly dangerous way of his, like he knew exactly the effect he was having on Koujaku.

“You need to dry your hair properly,” Koujaku said, getting his voice under control, “You're dripping on the floor.”

“Ugh,” Aoba said.

“You'll catch a cold if you leave your hair wet,” Koujaku warned.

“That doesn't really happen. Besides, drying my hair is a pain. Literally.” Aoba touched the end of his hair and sighed.

Koujaku debated with himself for almost half a second before he said, “Well, get another towel and let me help you, then.”

Aoba froze, “What?”

“I'll dry your hair for you,” Koujaku said, “Don't worry, I'll be gentle.”

Aoba was silent for a moment, then he laughed, “Is that the kind of shit you say to your dates? Hippo.”

“Brat,” Koujaku shot back, “If you aren't going to dry your hair or let me do it for you, then go sit in the bathroom until it air-dries so you don't drip all over my floor.”

“Fine, fine, I'll let you help me,” Aoba said, and turned around to go back into the bathroom. Koujaku had to bite the inside of his cheek hard as he did, because the line of Aoba's back and the curve of his ass made Koujaku's body do shameful things.

Ren hopped off his lap, and Koujaku quickly got to his feet, his cheeks burning. Had the Allmate noticed? If he had, it wasn't like Ren would say anything or judge him for it, but the thought still made him feel ashamed of himself.

Aoba reemerged from the bathroom with a second towel draped carelessly over his head, and Koujaku walked over to him. Aoba turned his back, and Koujaku reached out and very gently took hold of the towel. He began to pat Aoba's hair dry as carefully as he could. Focusing on not hurting Aoba wasn't _quite_ enough to distract him from their closeness, though. He was keenly aware of Aoba's bare skin, of how he'd just need to take a half-step forward to be touching him, of the smell of _his_ shampoo in Aoba's hair...

Aoba let out a sigh that sounded almost like a moan, and Koujaku shifted uncomfortably. They were so close that he could feel the heat of Aoba's body. He wanted to throw the towel on the floor and pull Aoba against him, kiss the nape of his neck, feel Aoba's body against his. It was only his fear of how Aoba might react that kept him from doing it. If he did that, and Aoba turned back to him with a look of disgust...

So he didn't move, except to keep drying Aoba's hair, and he tried to tell himself that the noises Aoba was making didn't turn him on.

"Alright," Koujaku said at last, "That's much better."

He took a step back, and Aoba turned to look at him with an expression that somehow made Koujaku even more aroused. He didn't think that was possible at this point, but Aoba had managed it.

"Thanks," he said, "I guess that girl was right, you are good with hair."

"I try," Koujaku said, grasping quickly for a conversation topic, "I'd just finished cutting Sayaka's hair when you arrived."

"Oh, was she not your date after all?" Aoba asked. He looked pleased by that.

"No, we went on a date last night," Koujaku said, "But I'd cut her friends' hair and she asked if I'd do hers, too. And I'd never turn a woman's request down."

Aoba rolled his eyes, "Ugh. Yeah, I've noticed. I'm beginning to think you just won't say no to anyone."

"What's so bad about that?" Koujaku asked.

"At this point, I'm thinking you'd probably say yes to _me_ without a second thought," Aoba said. He didn't even seem to notice the way Koujaku's heart jumped at his words and he continued blithely, "You shouldn't do stuff you don't really want to do just because you think it might hurt some girl's feelings. I sure wouldn't."

"You don't do anything that even slightly inconveniences you," Koujaku accused.

"Sure I do."

"Name one time."

Aoba was quiet for a moment, and Koujaku laughed at him, "Are you trying to come up with an example from after when you were eight?"

"Oh, screw you," Aoba said, but he smiled as he said it.

Koujaku's breath hitched again, because Aoba had the most beautiful smile...

"You can borrow something to wear, by the way, you don't have to sit around in a towel until your clothes are dry."

Aoba's expression was hard to read, but he said, "Thanks," and turned toward Koujaku's bedroom.

"Didn't you say something about leaving a change of clothes here?" Koujaku asked, "With how often it seems like I end up doing your laundry, that's a good idea."

"Yeah, I'll get around to it eventually," Aoba said over his shoulder.

Koujaku took a few deep breaths while Aoba was in the bedroom, trying to calm down. There was so much tension in the air, and he wondered if it was really all on his side.

Aoba came out of the bedroom a minute later, wearing one of Koujaku's rarely-used T-shirts. It was big on Koujaku, so on Aoba's petite figure it was enormous. It hung off one shoulder and came down to the top of Aoba's thighs, and, Koujaku had no idea how, it somehow looked even more provocative than just the towel had.

In his mind's eye, Koujaku could see himself pressing Aoba against the wall, leaving kisses along that exposed strip of his collarbone... he bit the inside of his cheek again, hard enough that he tasted blood. Was this what going insane felt like? He was beginning to feel like he might actually lose his mind if he didn't touch Aoba.

He went back to the couch and sat down again, and Ren took the opportunity to crawl back onto his lap. Koujaku petted him, and felt himself calming down. Ren was good for that.

"So you want to watch a movie or something? Your clothes won't be out of the washer for at least another half hour."

Aoba shrugged, "Sure, why not?"

He came over to the couch and sat down next to Koujaku. Close. Too close, because Aoba's bare leg was almost touching his, and Koujaku had to tangle his fingers in Ren's fur to resist the urge to put his hand on Aoba's leg.

Looking back on that day later, Koujaku would not have been able to recall anything about the movie they watched even if someone had put a gun to his head. But he would have been able to recall every detail of Aoba, so close to him that Koujaku could feel the heat from his body. He spent the entire afternoon hyper-aware of nothing but Aoba next to him, almost touching, but off-limits.

When Aoba's clothes were finally dry and he dressed to leave, he smiled at Koujaku.

"Thanks. This wasn't a bad way to spend the day."

"Yeah," Koujaku agreed, "We should hang out like this more often. Just hopefully not with the filthy water part."

"Yeah, that was gross," Aoba said, "But I'm definitely going to borrow your shower again. You have way better water pressure than we've got at home."

"Sure," Koujaku agreed vaguely. If Aoba actually did that, Koujaku would contrive a few errands to go on and leave the apartment. He didn't think that his heart could handle another afternoon like this one.

“See you later,” Aoba said, and left the apartment.

The door shut behind Aoba, and Koujaku finally let out the noise he'd been holding back. He was going to die, and Aoba was going to be the cause of his death.

"Are you okay?" Beni asked.

"Define 'okay'," Koujaku replied. He reached up to his shoulder and put Beni into sleep mode.

He had his pants open before he even reached the bedroom, and by the time he threw himself down on the bed, he was fully hard again. He reached down and grasped his cock, trying not to think – he just needed _relief_ , because all he wanted to do was fuck Aoba absolutely senseless, until neither of them could think straight. He wanted to hold him tight, kiss him, tell him just how much he loved and wanted him.

Aoba probably wouldn't want that kind of sappy stuff, but Koujaku didn't let that reality get in the way as he imagined the scene, all the things he would say to Aoba in between kisses, when he laid him down on the bed and gently spread his legs... he wanted to kiss Aoba there, too, all over his pale and beautiful thighs, maybe leave a few love bites.

With a moan, Koujaku pulled his cock out and began to stroke himself. He'd do it slow and gentle, make Aoba whimper and moan, like he had when Koujaku was drying his hair. He would start out by teasing Aoba with his mouth and fingers, dragging it out as long as he could, until Aoba was begging him. Fuck, he could just imagine Aoba begging, moaning the word "please" over and over again, until Koujaku couldn't stand it any longer either. Then he'd spread Aoba legs a little wider, and finally push inside him...

Aoba's body would be hot and tight, and Aoba would make those noises for him.

Koujaku paused for a moment, considering. He'd been thinking of making love to Aoba the same way he would with a woman, but it wouldn't be like that. He couldn't imagine Aoba being anything but active in bed. He'd probably be a demanding lover, telling Koujaku exactly what to do, how fast he should go, how hard. Koujaku imagined Aoba digging his fingernails into his back, leaving scratch marks on top of his tattoos, and he moaned again. He wanted Aoba to leave marks on him, to be covered with love bites and scratches, the signs of Aoba's pleasure covering up the signs of his sins...

"Aoba!" he moaned as he came in his hand.

He lay still for a while, panting as his heartbeat slowly returned to normal. That had been embarrassingly quick, but he supposed he was just very weak to thoughts of Aoba. He sighed, and cleaned himself off with a tissue from the box beside his bed.

There were times he would swear that Aoba was doing this to him on purpose. He shook his head to clear that thought. No, Aoba wasn't at fault for Koujaku being a pervert. And even if he did know and was doing it on purpose, it was probably because he had a mean sense of humor and thought it was funny.

That certainly seemed more likely than the idea that Aoba might want him as well.

He sighed again. He was pathetic and he knew it, but he'd really needed that. The whole afternoon had been almost too much for him. If something like that happened again, would he be able to keep himself under control?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Lots of fluff and angst.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? A new chapter? Less than a month after the last one?! It's a Christmas miracle.

The next few months kept Koujaku busy, as the number of customers he had for hair cutting increased over the holiday season. After a while, he had enough customers that he was able to reduce his time spent at the convenience store and not have to worry about making his rent payment. He was growing very, very popular among the young women of Midorijima and he'd even managed to work out a gimmick that only seemed to increase his popularity. Since not every woman was comfortable coming to his apartment to get her hair done (which Koujaku wasn’t at all offended by, there were plenty of unscrupulous men on the island and a woman had to be cautious), he'd taken to bringing his supplies to one of the side streets and setting up to cut hair there, first come first serve.

The fact that he didn't do it at regular times only seemed to help make him more popular. Women who saw him getting ready to work would contact their friends, and he'd gather a crowd of eager ladies around him as he worked. On occasion, there would be more customers than he had free time to take care of, and he would apologize to the late comers, who would almost always be first in line when he next set up.

Hagima and his other friends had started referring to those women as his fan club, and Aoba had picked it up as well, but in a much more sarcastic way. Koujaku didn't mind it, there was almost nothing that made him happier than the delighted reaction when he showed a customer the results of his work in a hand mirror. It was a very good use of his time, he felt, even if the cold, damp weather limited how often he could set up. He promised to open more often in the summer. If he kept gaining customers the way he had been so far, he might very well be able to quit at the convenience store by then.

It gave him a lot more free time to spend going on dates, hanging out with his still-growing circle of friends, and most importantly spend time with Aoba.

Koujaku did keep himself under control, but it wasn’t easy. It seemed like almost every week, Koujaku would find his resolve being severely tested in some way or another. Aoba was spending more time with him than ever before, and that should have made Koujaku happy – and in a lot of ways, it absolutely did – but it mostly felt like Koujaku was going insane.

"I swear I think he's doing it on purpose," Koujaku complained to Beni, after another afternoon spent in Aoba's company, being uncomfortably aroused. He thought that he’d kept Aoba from noticing so far, but he didn’t know for certain, and that made him feel almost paranoid.

"Maybe you should just tell him how you feel?" Beni suggested, "If he rejects you, then you'll be able to get over it."

"If this were just some dumb crush, you might be right. But it's not." Maybe Koujaku would get over the sexual attraction some day, but he knew that nothing would ever make him stop loving Aoba.

"What's your other option?" Beni asked, "Just suffer?"

Koujaku shrugged. He knew that Beni meant that as sarcasm, but it was more or less what he planned to do. He loved Aoba, and took more than he deserved already. Being so close to him, pining to the point where he felt he was going mad – if that was the only punishment he got for his sins, it was merciful.

"Koujaku, I'm not supposed to say this as an Allmate to my master, but... you're acting stupid," said Beni, "If you really think he's doing it on purpose, then doesn't that mean he wants you to react?"

Koujaku shook his head, "No, I don't really think it's on purpose. I'm just... I'm like one of those idol fans who's so obsessed that I've lost touch with reality. Aoba's never going to feel the same way about me, and I know it. If I told him how I felt... what if we couldn't even be friends anymore?"

Their month-long fight had only happened a few months ago, and Koujaku knew he'd come close to suicide in that time. If Aoba didn't want to be friends anymore, Koujaku would have nothing to live for. (He knew death was what he deserved, he was just too much of a coward to do it.) But if he killed himself after Aoba rejected him, Aoba would spend the rest of his life thinking it was his fault, and Koujaku wouldn't do that to him.

Beni gave him an unimpressed look, but changed the subject. "You should get ready for your date this evening. You don't want to be late."

Koujaku brightened a little at the thought. He always enjoyed dates. Aside from Aoba, making women happy was what gave him the most contentment.

He was done with his shower and combing his hair when Beni said, "You know how Aoba always gets pissed off when you tell him you've got a date? What if he's jealous?"

"He is. But he used to get jealous of my other friends when we were kids, too. That doesn't mean he feels like that about me. He just doesn't like it when anyone's paying attention to someone other than him." Koujaku laughed, "He's a selfish brat like that."

He smiled at his reflection in the mirror. He found Aoba's bratty behavior endearing most of the time, even when it probably ought to annoy him.

"He acts like girls do when you say you've got a date with someone else!" Beni insisted.

"Beni, just... drop it, please. I know you're trying to help, but..." Koujaku couldn't let himself be optimistic about his chances. It would only lead to heartbreak.

"Fine," Beni said shortly.

Koujaku finished getting ready for his date and headed out, and Beni stayed uncharacteristically quiet for the entire walk. Koujaku wasn't sure if he was happy about that or not. Beni's insistence that Aoba returned his feelings made Koujaku uncomfortable. If Aoba did feel the same way... if Aoba could love him back, Koujaku knew he would be happy, and he wouldn't deserve to be. But if Aoba ever confessed to him, Koujaku knew he'd never be able to turn him down, deserve it or not.

Koujaku shook his head, frustrated. He always ended up thinking in circles when he thought about Aoba, and he was always confused after a few minutes. He didn't know what was right, and he wondered if he ever would.

Aya, his date, was already waiting when he arrived at the bar he'd chosen for the date. Koujaku liked this place. It was a combination bar and restaurant, and so it was less noisy and crowded than most of the bars on Midorijima. The more subdued atmosphere meant that it was perfect for dates, because it was quiet enough that they could actually talk, and the food they served was delicious.

Aya was sitting at the bar, and she smiled at him as he walked over. She looked good, her hair and makeup flawlessly done, and wearing a dark blue dress that hugged her curves and came down to about mid-thigh. Everything about her look said that she was sexy and she knew it. She clearly knew what she wanted tonight, and Koujaku would happily oblige.

He smiled at her as he sat down, “Did I keep you waiting for long?”

“No, I only got here a few minutes ago,” she said, “I'm always a little early when I'm looking forward to something.”

“Well, then I'd better make sure I was worth waiting for,” he said with his most charming smile, “You look wonderful.”

“Thank you,” she said, “You don't look bad yourself. You clean up nicely.”

“Thank you, I try. If I didn't put some effort into my appearance for a date with such a gorgeous woman... that would just be disrespectful.”

“And of course Koujaku-san, the famous flirt of Midorijima, would _never_ be disrespectful to a woman,” Aya laughed, low and husky, “That's why you're so popular.”

“I could never stand to make a woman unhappy.”

“I'll hold you to that,” said Aya.

Koujaku smiled at her, falling into the easy rhythm of flirting. He enjoyed flirting like this, he found it fun, and Aya was good at it, responding to his compliments and innuendo with her own.

They ordered a couple rounds of drinks and some food, and had been talking and flirting for about half an hour when Aya looked over Koujaku's shoulder and her face fell as she said, “Oh, isn't that your friend?”

Koujaku tried to control the sudden feeling of dread he felt at her words. He had a bunch of friends here these days, but somehow he already knew it would be Aoba before he even turned around to look. He couldn't imagine any of his other friends making Aya look so displeased, since Aoba had been very rude to her a couple of weeks ago. He took a deep breath, and turned to look at the door.

It was Aoba. Of course. Why would anyone else interrupt his date? It took a lot of control to keep his face from showing anything, and he wasn't sure he succeeded, because Aya was giving him a strange look.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No, it's just...” _I’m not sure I can keep up the cool act on a date when the person I'm in love with is right here._ He certainly couldn't say that, and he hadn't figured out what he should say before Aoba climbed onto the bar stool next to him.

“Hey, Koujaku, I didn't expect to see you here,” said Aoba, in a cheerful tone Koujaku distrusted. “Oh, but I should have remembered. You said earlier today that you had a date tonight, and this is where you bring _all_ your dates, isn't it?”

Koujaku wished for the earth to open up and swallow him, but instead he flashed Aya an apologetic smile and looked at Aoba, “I'm surprised _you're_ here. They're really careful about carding people here.”

Aoba shrugged, “The food is still good. Hey, are you going to introduce me to your date?”

“We've met before,” Aya said coolly, “But I guess you don't recognize me. I don't look 'cheap and trashy' right now, after all.”

Aoba gave her a look filled with such disdain Koujaku was pretty sure he felt the temperature drop a few degrees, “No, you look expensive and trashy.”

“Aoba!” Koujaku snapped, “Did you come here just to be rude to my date?”

Aoba shrugged, looking as though he really didn't care at all. “I was bored. You ditched me early to go on this date with expensive and trashy here.”

There was really only so much Koujaku could take, even from Aoba, and one of the things he drew the line at was when Aoba was being an asshole to women for no real reason.

“God damn it, Aoba!” he said, slamming his hands down on the counter and getting to his feet, “It's not my job to entertain you 24/7! I'm allowed to do other things with my time, and I put up with a lot of bullshit from you, but I'm not going to let you just sit here and be an asshole to my date because you're bored and pissed off at me. Go. Away!”

A hush fell over the bar, and Koujaku realized that everyone was staring at him. He'd been very loud.

Aoba got to his feet. He didn't even look upset. If anything, he seemed _smug_ , like a cat with feathers around its mouth. “Fine, if that's what you want. I think I still managed to have my fun anyway.”

Koujaku looked back at Aya, who was still glaring daggers at Aoba. Aoba certainly didn't seem to care, smirking as he turned around and headed for the door, giving them a flippant wave as he left. It remained quiet for a few moments after the door shut, then the conversations began to resume.

Koujaku sat back down next to Aya. “I am _so sorry_ about him,” he apologized.

“Why are you friends with that little jerk anyway?” asked Aya, “Everyone I know always says he's just a rude, violent punk. And you're so polite and charming and respectful...”

Koujaku hung his head, really unable to defend Aoba after he'd pulled a stunt like this one, “I know, I know. He can be really awful sometimes... but we've been friends ever since we were kids, and he's really important to me. I try to, you know, rein him in a little bit and keep him out of trouble.”

“And it looks like that's working out great,” she muttered.

“I know,” Koujaku said again. He didn't have anything else to say.

“Look, Koujaku, you're a good guy,” Aya said, “And it says good things about you that you care so much. But sometimes you've just got to cut someone loose. For your own sake.”

“No, I couldn't do that,” Koujaku said quickly, “Literally the only person he's got looking out for him other than me is his grandmother. And his Allmate.”

“It's not your responsibility to take care of him.”

“That's not... I know it's not my responsibility, but I could never abandon Aoba.”

Aya frowned at him, and sighed, “I suppose it's not really any of my business. Just keep it in mind. I don't want to see you get taken advantage of because you're so selfless and caring.”

Koujaku smiled, back on firmer footing with the compliment, “Don't worry. I do know where to draw the line with him.” Sometimes, at least. “And I'm really sorry he was so rude to you.”

Aya let out a very unladylike snort, “It's okay. I mean, now that I think about it, it's kind of funny... he's so jealous.”

“Jealous?” Koujaku echoed. He could almost feel Beni's gaze boring into the side of his head.

“Yeah! You know, like when a little kid is angry that they're not getting attention?” Aya said, “My little sister used to do that sort of thing all the time. But she grew out of it.”

Koujaku laughed, “Oh, yeah, I see what you mean! Yeah, he pulled stunts like that when we were kids, too. But Aoba being a brat was a lot cuter when he was seven years old.”

“Most things are cuter when a seven year old is doing them. Anyway, I believe we were having a date?” Aya smiled flirtatiously again.

“So he didn't ruin the mood for you?” Koujaku replied.

“I'm not going to let forty-five seconds of someone acting jealous brat ruin my evening. And you shouldn't either. Now, you come here often, so tell me... what's good on the dessert menu?”

Koujaku chuckled, and opened the dessert menu. Aya was right, Aoba's jealousy was kind of funny, but the lingering uncertainty it caused him made it hard for him to laugh about.

Despite Aoba's attempt at ruining the evening, the rest of the date went very well. They went back to Koujaku's apartment, had very good sex, and Aya spent the night. In the morning, Koujaku made her breakfast before she left. He did that for any date of his that spent the night, and his skill at cooking breakfast food had increased a lot because of it.

She left with a smile on her face and a spring in her step, and Koujaku felt very satisfied at knowing he'd given her exactly what she wanted. That was all he wanted to do, really – make women happy the way they deserved to be.

“You seem chipper,” Beni observed, as Koujaku started gathering up the dirty dishes.

“I had a nice time,” Koujaku said simply.

“Aya seems like a lot of fun. Did you like her?” Beni's voice had taken on a sly tone.

“Of course I did,” replied Koujaku, a little hesitantly. He wasn't sure where Beni was going with this. “Why?”

“Oh, just the way the two of you were with each other last night. You've got good chemistry. And she wasn't put off by Aoba showing up and acting like a jerk. And I was just thinking... you know, if you were to ever start dating someone a little more seriously, Aya might be a good choice.”

Koujaku stared at Beni incredulously, “Weren't you _just yesterday_ trying to convince me to confess to Aoba? What's this all of a sudden?”

Beni fluttered his wings in agitation, “I just think it's bad for you to keep pining for him the way you do! Since you won't confess and at least _tr_ _y_ to see if he likes you back, moving on and getting a girlfriend wouldn't be bad! All you do when you don't have a date or work or something is sit around and sigh over him!”

“Beni...” Koujaku started, but trailed off. Logically, he knew that Beni was right. The way he pined over Aoba wasn't exactly good for him, but he was beginning to get really annoyed with the way his Allmate kept insisting he change something. It wasn't great, but it was better than most alternatives. “Look, if I started dating a woman just because I think it might help me get over Aoba, that would be dishonest. I told you that already.”

“I was hoping it wouldn't be the _only_ reason you'd date someone else,” Beni said, “You deserve a chance to be happy, and if there's a woman you think might help with that, then you should try!”

“I _don't_ deserve that.”

“Why not?”

“You know why not!” Koujaku cried, “You're the only one other than me who knows why not! You know what I did! I can't – I can't possibly...” He trailed off, feeling a sob forming in his throat.

He rubbed his eyes furiously, trying to stave off the tears. Why should he even cry, as if _he_ was the one most harmed by his actions? His mother wasn’t even alive to cry anymore, and it was his fault.

“Koujaku...” Beni alighted on Koujaku's shoulder, a gentle touch that helped more than Koujaku would have expected. “You did something bad. It was really bad, but it wasn't all your fault, and it doesn't mean you should never ever be happy again. I'm sorry I keep pushing and making you upset. I just want what's best for my master.”

“Oh, Beni,” Koujaku murmured, “I know you do. And I'm sorry I make everything so hard on you all the time. I... It would probably help if either of us had any idea what's really best.”

There was silence for a little while, then Beni said, “Message from Aoba's coil.”

Koujaku almost wanted to laugh. “What's it say?”

“'Are you done with that girl yet? There's a Rhyme battle about to start. Come watch me kick some ass!' And there's directions to where it's happening.”

“Send a reply. 'You really can't stand not being the center of attention, can you? I'll be over in a little while.'” Koujaku smiled. In a weird way, Aoba being jealous over Koujaku's attention was nice. At least it meant Aoba cared about him enough to want him around, which was more than could be said for his other friends. And while it was most likely just childish jealousy that Koujaku really shouldn't be encouraging, he liked to be near Aoba whenever he could.

“Sent!” Beni said, “That was good timing. Seeing him should cheer you up, right?”

“Yeah,” Koujaku agreed. “I really do love that brat.”

And maybe, just maybe, some day he would have the courage to tell Aoba so.

~~~

In February, just before Valentine's Day, Midorijima had a blizzard that brought the most snow the island had gotten in 27 years. In some places, the snow drifted to almost knee deep. It was unusual for the island to get more snow than a few light dustings in the winter anyway, and this amount was absolutely crippling for everything outside of Platinum Jail. Almost half the Old Residential District lost power. Koujaku was one of them, and his little apartment was absolutely freezing. He only had a few things that were powered with batteries, and unfortunately, none of those were a heater. Even wearing several layers of clothes, he was still freezing.

It was when he was wondering what he was going to do about dinner, since he had nothing on hand that didn't need to be cooked, that his coil rang with a phone call.

“From the Seragaki Residence,” Beni said helpfully.

Koujaku answered the call to hear Aoba's voice on the other end of the line.

“Are you in one of the areas that's lost power?” Aoba asked.

"Yeah," Koujaku said, "It's freezing, I'm wrapped in about eight blankets right now."

"We've got power and Granny says you should come over if you don’t."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she's worried about you."

"That's kind of her, but I don’t want to be an inconvenience."

" _Please_ come over," Aoba begged, "We're snowed in and Granny is driving me crazy. I need you to be a buffer between us so we don't kill each other."

Koujaku laughed, “I'm sure it's not that bad, but I'll come over anyway.”

“Great. We've got the kotatsu set up and everything. It's going to be so much family togetherness I might puke.”

“I count as family?” Koujaku asked, trying to make it a joke but genuinely touched anyway.

There was a slight pause on the other end of the line, then Aoba said, “Duh. I'm pretty sure Granny would rather have you as a grandson than me.”

Koujaku didn't know how to respond to that, so he just ignored it. “Well, let me put on three extra layers of clothes and pack a bag. Then I'll be right over to remind you to respect your grandmother and not be a jerk.”

He ended the call as Aoba laughed, already feeling warmer. Aoba may have acted in his usual prickly way, but Koujaku had the feeling he liked the idea of 'family togetherness' a lot more than he was letting on. He unwrapped the blankets he'd been huddled in and hurried around his room, throwing a change of clothes and a few other essentials into a bag. How long would he be staying? Should he be packing for more than one night? He thought for a moment, then went to the kitchen to grab a few food items as well. If Tae was going to be nice enough to feed him dinner, the least he could do was bring her some ingredients.

With that settled, he bundled up against the cold and left the apartment, feeling very cheerful. The snow was about halfway to Koujaku's knees, but there were trails along the sidewalks where other people had already walked, and Koujaku stuck to those paths.

It was cold, but the layer of snow made the Old Residential District look fresh and clean. It muffled the regular noise, and every sound but the crunching of the snow as Koujaku waded through it seemed distant and far away. Midorijima in the snow had an oddly dreamlike quality to it.

“It's cold, but it certainly is beautiful,” Koujaku said.

“Too bad snow can't be warm,” Beni replied.

“The cold doesn't bother you, though?” Koujaku said it as a question. Allmates like Beni, with their computerized brains, functioned better in the cold.

“No, but it's not good for you. You would get hypothermia if you stayed out here too long to admire the snow!”

“Don't worry, I'd prefer to look at it through Aoba's window,” Koujaku reassured him, “At least it's not ice...”

He walked through the quiet, almost empty streets in silence, thinking as he went. He'd always loved snow, but he'd rarely gotten to see it as a kid. They had always lived in the southern parts of Japan, where snow in the winter was rare, if it happened at all. It had only snowed... once? no, twice, when he'd lived on Midorijima as a kid.

He remembered each of them distinctly. The first time, he hadn't yet met Aoba, but he and his mother had sat at the kotatsu and she'd made hot pot and watched the snow falling outside the window. The second time, he was friends with Aoba, and Aoba had wanted to make a snowman. There wasn't enough snow for a full-sized snowman, so they had made a row of tiny snowmen on the railing of Aoba's balcony, and Aoba’s smile had been so big as they made them.

Koujaku smiled now to remember it. Had he loved Aoba even back then? He certainly hadn't thought it was love at the time, but now that he considered it... or maybe his old memories just seemed different when he looked at them through the lens of his new feelings.

He reached the Seragaki house and knocked on the door, and Tae opened it to invite him in. It was wonderfully warm inside, and as he stomped the snow off his shoes in the genkan, he smiled at her.

"Thank you for inviting me over. It was really cold in my apartment," he said.

"Aoba suggested it," Tae replied, "And he was right, I'd be worried about you being over there by yourself with no power."

Koujaku beamed, "I brought some rice and vegetables. If you're going to be making dinner for an extra person, I thought I'd bring you some ingredients."

"Thank you," she said, "I'm making hot pot, I can add them to it."

He handed her the bag with the food in it, and when she took it, she gasped as her fingers touched his.

"Oh, your hands are like ice!" she said, "Why don't you go upstairs and have a hot bath and warm up a bit? I'll get started cooking."

"That sounds great, thank you, Tae-san,” Koujaku looked around, "Is Aoba in his room?"

Tae nodded.

"Then I'll say hi to him first." Koujaku hung up his coat, took off his boots, and headed into the house proper. The bottoms of his pants were wet from the snow, but at least he wasn't tracking water everywhere.

He headed up the stairs, and when he reached the top, the door to Aoba's room opened.

“You're finally here!" Aoba said, "You took forever!”

"It's a lot harder to walk through snow," Koujaku pointed out. He smiled and added, "Were you getting worried about me?"

"No! You hippo!"

"I'm going to use your bath and warm up a bit," Koujaku said, "Tae said she was going to start cooking. Thank you for inviting me, by the way."

"Granny invited you." Was it Koujaku's imagination, or did Aoba look just a bit embarrassed as he said that?

"She told me you suggested it, though. Thank you for thinking of me."

"Ugh, you hippo," Aoba repeated with a pout.

Koujaku decided to let up on teasing him. It was enough to know that Aoba cared. He got a change of clothes out of his bag and removed Beni from his shoulder.

"Why don't you go hang out with Ren while I take a bath?" he suggested.

"Sure thing!" Beni replied, and took off into Aoba's room, "Hey, Ren!"

"Hello, Beni," came Ren's deep voice in reply.

Koujaku smiled and headed for the hall bathroom. It was a simple bathroom, but the tub was nice and deep. He turned the water on and let the tub begin to fill. He started to take off his clothes, then paused. He'd never been less than fully covered in this house, and even in the privacy of the bathroom, the idea of baring his tattoos made him deeply uncomfortable. What if Aoba or Tae came in and saw them?

Of course, he couldn't imagine Tae barging into the bathroom unannounced while he was using it, but that sounded like the kind of thing Aoba might do...

He wished the bathroom door had a lock. Still, he was freezing and the bath would warm him up, so he decided to grit his teeth and do it. If he heard the door start to open, he'd just have to yell at Aoba to get out.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he quickly stripped off his clothes and got into the shower. The temperature wasn't that hot, but he'd gotten so chilled on his walk over that it actually stung when he stepped into the spray. Yeah, he'd definitely needed this.

The shampoo on the shelf was Aoba's, he could tell the moment he opened the bottle and smelled it. He'd noticed the scent of Aoba's hair many times, and he liked the idea of smelling the same way. Maybe it was dumb of him to get so weirdly emotional about things like that, he thought as he rinsed the shampoo out, but it made him feel just a little more connected to Aoba. And no one else had to know.

When he got into the tub, it was with a sigh of relief. He was warmer after the shower, but you could only keep so much of your body in the spray, and the heat soaking into his skin was very nice. He sank down up to his neck and just floated for a bit, enjoying the warmth. When he eventually got a nicer apartment, he'd have to find a place with a nice big bathtub. The tub at his apartment wasn't really big enough for a good soaking.

He’d been sitting in the tub for maybe fifteen minutes or so when he heard a soft knock at the door.

"Yes?" he called, not really sure how to respond. It wasn't like he wanted whoever was on the other side to come in.

"Tae-san says that the food is almost ready, so get out of the tub and come downstairs," came Ren's voice. Koujaku wondered how the little Allmate had knocked on the door. He imagined Ren just banging his head against the door a couple of times and had to stifle a laugh.

"Oh, okay," he said, "I'll be right down."

He got out of the tub, dried himself off, redressed in the dry, clean clothes he had brought, and walked calmly downstairs with a towel around his shoulders to catch any drips of water that might still be in his hair.

The kotatsu was set up in the living room, and Tae and Aoba were sitting at it with the big pot of dinner between them. They hadn't started eating yet, Tae must have made Aoba wait for him. He smiled and sat down with them, feeling warmer than he had in a very long time.

"Thank you, Tae-san, I feel much better now," he said. “Dinner smells delicious, let's eat!"

They dug into the food, and Koujaku showered Tae with compliments for it until she threatened to smack him with the serving spoon to get him to stop. Koujaku laughed, and laid off. He really did think that Tae's cooking was great, but sometimes he just liked to be little over the top when he complimented her. Maybe it would help make up for the fact that Aoba almost never said thank you for anything.

All in all, it was a very nice dinner. Koujaku hadn't felt so much like he was part of a family since... well, before his mother died, but honestly, even longer than that. Probably not since before they'd left the island in the first place. His father hadn't exactly been big on family togetherness. Except for saying that Koujaku was his heir, he'd barely acted like Koujaku and his mother were family at all most of the time.

He shook his head to clear it of those thoughts.

"Koujaku?" Aoba asked, "You got really quiet all of a sudden, is something wrong?"

"No, not really," Koujaku said, "This has been great. I was just thinking about how long it's been since I've had a family meal like this. And… I was thinking about my mom."

Tae gave him a sympathetic look, "I understand. Sometimes happy times can make you sad, when you miss someone."

Koujaku felt tears welling up in his eyes at her words, and he quickly ducked his head, "Yeah. I know it's not possible, but I really wish my mother were here to enjoy this meal with us. Like when I was a kid."

"I liked your mom," Aoba said, "She was really nice."

He laughed, and said, "Hey, remember that time I got stuck in that tree?"

Koujaku let out a short bark of laughter that almost startled himself. He'd almost forgotten about that.

"Oh, yeah! You were crying, trying to explain yourself and apologize at the same time. You looked so _offended_ when my mom laughed at us."

“I don't think I've ever heard this story,” Tae said.

“Really? I'm sure my mom told you about it,” Koujaku said, “She thought it was so funny, she told everyone.”

"Well, if she ever told it to me, then I've forgotten it," Tae said, "What happened and why did it make her laugh at you?"

Koujaku laughed, "Okay, so... I walked by there a while ago and it's not there anymore, but there was this park that had a tree growing out of the hill at an angle."

Koujaku told the story, with more than a few interruptions from Aoba as he added details. How Aoba had climbed the tree and gotten stuck in it, and how Koujaku had tried to talk him into just climbing down, but Aoba had been too scared to do it. Then he’d hit on the idea of standing on the ground below Aoba and telling him to just fall and let Koujaku catch him.

He’d caught Aoba, but had also caught Aoba’s elbow in the face. They’d gone back to his house, Aoba sobbing from guilt.

“I was seven and thought I was going to be in trouble!” Aoba protested, looking embarrassed.

"Anyway, once my mom realized that neither of us were hurt and figured out what the story was, she just started laughing. She laughed so hard she had to sit down. And Aoba was just like -" he tried to make the same expression Aoba had made, the expression of a deeply offended seven year old. He probably didn't come anywhere close, but it made Tae laugh and Aoba make the face of a deeply offended almost seventeen year old instead.

"I didn't look like _that_!"

"It was pretty close!" Koujaku laughed, "We tried to tell people that I'd gotten the bloody nose fighting off bullies for Aoba, but mom kept telling everyone the real story and we gave up."

Tae smiled, shaking her head, "You boys were such a handful. The number of times your mother and I had to try to keep a stern face when we just wanted to laugh at how ridiculous you were being...”

“When did that happen?” Koujaku asked.

“Oh, constantly!” Tae said, “But I think what was hardest was always when you would hit someone while trying to defend Aoba... your mother didn't want you to think that violence was a good way to solve problems, but at the same time, she thought it was adorable how protective you were of him. And how much he looked up to you for it.”

Koujaku smiled, a little sadly. His mother had always tried to teach him to use words instead of fists to solve problems, but there had always been that streak in him... these days he controlled it, and was never the first one to throw a punch. He was still always terrified of what he might do if he didn't control himself.

Tae was giving him a searching look, and he tried his best to give her a charming smile.

“I think she'd be proud of you,” Tae said, “You've grown up into just the kind of young man she hoped you would.”

Koujaku's breath hitched. He didn't deserve that, so he had no idea how to respond. Anything he might say would be dishonest. Instead he lowered his eyes and said, “Thank you. I hope you're right about that.”

The conversation sort of petered out after that, and after a minute or so Aoba turned on the TV. It was tuned to the news, which was covering the blizzard.

"Warmer temperatures tomorrow should melt off most of the snow, so people in low-lying areas should be aware of flooding," the newscaster said.

"That shouldn't be a problem here," Tae said, "Is your apartment in danger of flooding, Koujaku?"

"Well, the building might get flooded a bit, but my apartment itself will be fine, it's on the second floor," Koujaku said, "If we get enough flooding to get into my apartment, then the whole island is in a _lot_ of trouble."

"That's true."

"Let's find something else to watch," Aoba said, "The news is just going to tell us about stuff we already know. I don't care about how many years it's been since we got this much snow."

"Alright then, what do you want to watch?" Koujaku asked.

They flipped through the channels for a while and eventually found a comedy show that all of them were fine with watching. They finished the rest of their dinner in companionable silence, broken occasionally by laughter when the show had a good joke.

After dinner, Koujaku offered to help with the dishes, but Tae refused to let him because he was a guest. He would have protested a bit more, but Aoba grabbed his arm and pulled him back into his seat.

"Just stay here," he said, "You let all the warm air out when you move."

Koujaku didn't point out that the kotatsu would be warm again as soon as the blanket was back in place. After all, Aoba's leg was pressed against his under the table and he kind of liked it.

When Tae got back, they played a few card games and all had a good time. Koujaku was impressed. This was the longest time he'd seen Aoba being civil to Tae without doing something really rude or disrespectful, but he didn't want to say anything that might affect that. Instead, when they got tired of cards and it seemed like Aoba might be getting restless, he made a show of yawning.

"I think I'm ready to get some sleep," he said.

“What? It's not even ten PM yet. You're such an old man, Koujaku.”

“Hey, wading through all the snow to get here was tiring. And don't you get sleepy after a big meal?” Koujaku asked. He patted his stomach.

“I guess so,” Aoba said. He leaned back on his hands and stared up at the ceiling. “Hey, Koujaku, let's sleep down here.”

“Under the kotatsu? What are we, seven year olds?”

“We spent all evening being nostalgic. Let's keep it going.” Aoba said, smiling at Koujaku in such a friendly and open way that Koujaku felt his heartbeat speed up.

"Oh, well, if you insist," he said with a smile, "Tae-san, do you mind if we stay down here?"

"It's no problem. Just as long as you aren't noisy," she said, "Remember my bedroom is directly above you."

Aoba rolled his eyes. "I promise not to scream at the top of my lungs at 2 AM."

"That was really specific," Koujaku said, "Are you planning to scream at 1:59 instead?"

Aoba gave him a look that Koujaku wasn't sure how to interpret, and replied, "Probably not."

"Or 2:01?"

"You're such a jackass," Aoba said, but he laughed, "Go up to my room and grab a couple of pillows."

"Why do I have to grab the pillows?"

"'Cause I said so. Now move your ass," Aoba ordered.

"Brat," Koujaku said, but still feeling affectionate. He got up and headed for the hall and the stairs, smiling as he went.

This whole evening had been almost perfect. Just quiet time with Aoba and Tae, not feeling like he had to do anything or be anything other than himself. Even while he enjoyed dates and doing women's hair and making them happy, it was tiring in a way that just hanging out with Aoba at his home could never be.

He loved Aoba so much. This was all he wanted, companionship and warmth. Okay, he also _wanted_ to kiss Aoba until they were both gasping for breath, but this was all that he _needed_. And now he was going to sleep next to Aoba, and spend all night having to fight the urge to pull him close and cuddle while they slept, but even that seemed wonderful.

When he came downstairs, having changed into pajamas and carrying the pillows from Aoba's bed, Aoba was already laying down with his head resting on his arms. He looked sleepy and adorable, and the smile he gave Koujaku when Koujaku handed him his pillow warmed Koujaku's heart.

“Scoot over and give me some room,” Koujaku said, “We're not as small as we used to be.”

Aoba did so without any real protest, and as Koujaku settled down next to him, neither of them acknowledged the way their legs touched under the kotatsu. Koujaku noticed, of course (he noticed every touch that he and Aoba shared, even the most inconsequential), but he said nothing. He would enjoy the closeness while he had it.

And when he woke in the middle of the night to find that Aoba had cuddled up to him in his sleep and was contentedly drooling on his shoulder, Koujaku gave in. He kissed the top of Aoba’s head, the strands of Aoba’s hair soft as silk against his lips.

Aoba didn’t stir, so Koujaku let himself finally whisper the words he’d wanted to say for so long.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure exactly when the next one will be, but this chapter was extra-long. Hope it tides you over until then!


End file.
